When Does A Boy Become A Man?

So you think you're a man? Just because you've been with a woman or you are over twenty-one? Boy, have you got a lot to learn!

I'll tell you when you cross that boundary between boy and man. It's when you take full responsibility for at least yourself (and possibly others as well). As long as you are living at home, accepting money, food, shelter, gasoline or whatever from your parents - you have no idea what it means to be a man. Not a clue.

When you get a job and work all week long, digging ditches, moving boxes, pushing shopping carts, flipping burgers or sitting at a desk, then you are beginning the movement towards growing up. When you work your heart out, your legs hurt and your arms feel like they are going to fall off, well, that's part of the picture of manhood. When you receive that $200 a week paycheck, and you have to make that amount of money pay for rent, food, electricity, gasoline, car repairs, hospital bills and everything else that comes up - then you are getting a taste of what it means to be a man.

On the day that you catch the clue that electricity costs money, and that leaving the lights burning when you leave the house is expensive, then you are slowly turning the corner to manhood. When you understand that adding an extra blanket in the winter is a good thing, then I will acknowledge that you are starting to grow up.

On the day that you are the one who has to confront the person whose car you accidentally hit, and you make all of the calls to the insurance company and file your own police report, and pull it all off so that you are not devastated financially and emotionally, I will give you a few more points towards manhood.

Men understand that if they drink, even a little, it is not wise to drive. They also understand that traffic laws are important parts of civilization and survival, and follow them even when there is not a police officer around.

When you get a flat tire or your car breaks down, and you actually take care of it yourself without calling home for help - then you've taken another step. On the day when you have a more significant problem and you solve it without whining to your parents, well, you've taken another big leap.

When you figure out that you live with other people, and they may actually be able to smell the trash in your room or see the heaps of garbage next to your bed, and you do something as controversial as cleaning up the mess without being asked and without complaint, then you have taken a big step up the ladder.

On the day you can take care of yourself when you are not feeling well, set up your own doctor appointment and pick up your own prescriptions, while still attending school or doing your job, then you have taken a gigantic step upwards. If you can do all of this without whining and trying to get sympathy, I will even salute you!

When you do decide that you need to finish school and still maintain a job, and you actually do finish your studies, you will have taken a very large step towards manhood. Any child can drop out of school - it takes a man to get through it and emerge educated. If you can do this and pay (or at least help) pay the bill yourself - well, that's more than just a small step.

You want to take a few more steps? Turn off the television and do something productive. Stop telling us there is nothing to do or whining about how bored you are. Go out and explore the world! Live life and learn about everything you can. That's what men do.

Pick up your own trash, wash your own dishes and do your own laundry. These simple things are expected of any adult human being. You are not grown up until you perform these small tasks for yourself.

And, oh yes, men pay their debts and keep their promises. Any child will ask for money, saying he is borrowing it, and never return it. Men understand that an unpaid debt is dishonorable and, in addition, know without being asked or told that all promises must be kept at all costs.

You want to begin to actually cross the line? Continue and increase your responsibility to include others.

Start getting along with your parents instead of resenting them. You need to understand that they have put on hold many of their dreams and desires to keep you fed, clothed, entertained, healthy and educated. They are working themselves, quite literally, to death - and they are doing it for you! Remember, when you were born they didn't have gray hair - they acquired much of that trying their best to bring you up in this world. Once you figure this out and act upon it, you have made one of the biggest and most important steps to manhood.

Want to take some of the final steps to manhood? Find people that you can call friends, and support them, flow power to them and help them when necessary. Do so selflessly and without desire for any return, and you will make another big step.

Ready for one of the biggest steps? Find that special someone. Romance them, live with them, learn from them and love them. Be with that person and grow to love them. Then earn their love and respect.

Want to take one of the final steps, perhaps the hardest step of all? Be part of the community. Start giving back to the world in which you live. Serve on jury duty willingly and thus learn how the justice system works. Help an old lady across the street. Give time to a charity or pick up trash on the street. Do something, anything, to give back to the city or town in which you live.

If you can do these things, boy, as I have, then you will join the ranks of men. Until that time, you are still a child.

By Richard G. Lowe Jr.