1. Realize that it is possible to speak like a native. Geneviève Bujold, Gael Garcia Bernal, Charlize Theron, and Famke Janssen are all non-native English-speaking thespians that play convincing roles as Americans. Also, American actress Jodie Foster can play a credible French woman in A Very Long Engagement. Think that this is limited to European languages? Tell that to Anglo-Canadian Mark Rowswell, who not only mastered sounding like a Chinese native but is so adept at Mandarin that he can give outstanding comedic performances! If learning to speak like a native in a foreign language were not possible, then no country would have sleeper agents and spies from foreign lands that would be able to integrate into the society without being found out. Sure, these people have professional voice coaches or, in Foster's case, are adept at languages and attended special language immersion schools. However, the point is that this is not out of your reach.
2. Become fluent in the language. Sure, you could fake being a native with just a view phrases and the right pronunciation, stresses, and correct word choice... but for how long? My guess is about one minute, tops. If you are going to put in the time to try and sound like a native speaker of any language, then you should just go all the way and become fluent in the language. Of course, this is a whole new subject and one that is much easier (since we hear people all around us with heavy accents that speak fluent languages, this goal must be easier to obtain).
3. Interact with native speakers. There is no way of getting around this. You must come in contact with native speakers of the dialect you are trying to learn. Listen to web radio, watch movies and sitcom/soap opera episodes, and talk to people via messaging programs or other language exchange online communities to get critiques and examples of how people specifically speak the way you want.
4. Imitate the target dialect stereotypes. I know this is a risqué topic to breach. It is rude and politically incorrect to make fun of foreign people. However, using the stereotypic ways of how we imitate foreign people is a great starting tool. Of course, you need to be courteous and realize that accents are exaggerated when used in a derogatory way. Therefore, you must "tone-down" the speaking style and you must exercise utmost respect. Sometimes our imitations are so warped to the reality of the language that you will look and sound like a fool, but this where the guidance of a native speaker is so important.
5. Become adept at the subtleties of the target dialect that distinguishes it from other dialects of the same language. Canadians, Americans, Australians, Irish, South Africans, and Kiwis all sound different when they speak English. You must seek out the differences in vocabulary, cadence, and pronunciation between dialects of your target language in order to master speaking a specific dialect. If your goal is to sound like any native of that target language, the most practical goal should be to speak the most widely accept "Standard" form of the language. For instance, "High German", "Beijing Standard Mandarin", and "Egyptian Standard Arabic" all fall into this category.
6. Don't forget to learn customs, non-verbal gestures, and idio-synchronicities of the people that speak the dialect that you wish to adapt your language skills to. If you speak a language as though someone should understand you and you are not aware of the customs, you are automatically seen as a foreigner. It is best to research these small details before fully attempting to pass off as a native language speaker of any language.
7. Fake it until you make it. Sure it's a cliché, but in this particular instance, you must act as if this is natural to you and have confidence or you will always be found out.
8. Practice, Practice, Practice. This isn't going to happen overnight, you are going to make mistakes. However, learning from your mistakes is the best teacher that you have in language learning. Use language chat rooms, IM programs, and internet radios to stay inundated in the language dialect. Of course, it also helps to befriend local neighbors that may speak the specific language and dialect that you wish to learn. If they speak the language but not the specific dialect, they should be able to help you with the general differences to at least improve toward that dialect.
9.Optional: Seek professional help. There are voice coaches both online and in brick and mortar institutes, that are dedicated to making enthusiastic learners sound as authentic in a language as possible. If you have the resources, it may be worth the investment to get this personal coaching.
By Greg Cherryholmes.
Tips & Warnings
Practice every day just after waking and right before you go to bed.
Do not multi-task if you are talking to native speakers online, this is rude and negatively affects your language learning abilities.
Being rude , using foul language, and making fun of indigenous people in the language dialect is a guaranteed way to get labeled as an outsider or something worse.
Showing posts with label Зөвлөгөө. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Зөвлөгөө. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
10 Tricks for Improving Your Memory
We’ve talked to the experts and compiled the latest thinking on improving the muscles in your brain associated with memory.
1. Talk with your hands.
It may sound strange, but waving your hands and gesturing while trying to learn a concept may help your brain remember something important, says Jeff Brown, PsyD, ABPP, coauthor of The Winner’s Brain. "Gesturing in a meaningful way while you are learning may help you when recalling the concept,” he says. “The idea is that you are storing at least two different types of information about something you'll need to recall later. A good example of this is when kids speak math problems aloud, but also 'work them' in the air.” Tactics to try: When you’ve just learned someone’s name, “write” it down on the palm of your hand with your finger. The act of tracing the letters on your palm (discreetly, of course) can help your brain remember it, says Dr. Brown. Or, “Air-write on an imaginary map of your grocery store or mall as you name aloud the items or stores you need to remember when shopping.”
2. Take a chill pill.
Learning to calm down and not carry as much stress can help your brain in significant ways, says Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, PT, a psychologist and physical therapist in Wexford, Pennsylvania, and the author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. “The best tip to improve your memory is: Reduce your stress,” says Dr. Lombardo. “Research shows that when people experience chronic stress, their hippocampus—the part of your brain that is responsible for some memories—literally shrinks in size.” In fact, a 2007 study in the journal Neurology by researchers at Rush University Medical School found that people who are easily distressed and had more negative emotions were more likely to develop memory problems than more easygoing people. How to reduce your stress? Consider delegating more tasks at work, clearing your social calendar for the weekend (there’s nothing wrong with having nothing on the calendar!) and purging negative relationships from your life.
3. Get plenty of zzz’s.
You’ve heard the concept of “sleeping on it” when you’re faced with a problem or difficult decision, right? Well, getting a good night’s sleep can help you improve your memory, too. "Sleep is critical for memory consolidation,” says Dr. Brown. “Getting at least six hours of uninterrupted sleep following exposure to new information can help in the recall of that information.” But there’s an important side note: “The trick is going directly to bed without inserting any new information or activity between what you want to recall and going to sleep—no reading, no TV, no sex, no music."
4. Eat more fruits and veggies.
Eating your spinach—and carrots and peas—is not only good for your body, it’s good for your memory, too. A recent Harvard study found that people who ate more vegetables had a slower decline of brain function as they aged. “Other studies, such as one published in Pharmacology, have shown that essential brain-boosting nutrients found in certain produce, such as quercetin and anthocyanin, may reverse memory loss,” says Tosca Reno, a health and fitness expert and author of the bestselling book The Eat-Clean Diet. You can find these compounds in cruciferous vegetables, such as Brussels sprouts, broccoli and cabbage, as well as in leafy greens, including kale, spinach and Swiss chard. Also load up on brightly colored produce such as berries, red apples, eggplant and grapes—their bright hue is an indication of their brain-boosting antioxidants.
5. Join a book club.
Not only is reading great for your brain, but discussing what you’ve read can improve your memory by leaps and bounds, says Sandra Bond Chapman, PhD. In fact, a book club with your closest girlfriends may help strengthen your brain’s frontal lobe function. “The frontal lobe is the last region of the brain to develop, but the first to decline with age,” explains Dr. Chapman. “To strengthen function of the frontal lobe, engage in deeper-level thinking activities such as interpreting what you read in a book, discussing the ‘larger messages’ in the book and pushing to see how many meanings you can derive from it.”
6. Go to yoga class.
What can a downward-facing-dog pose do for your memory? A lot, says Gina Norman, a yoga teacher in New York City. “A new study out of the University of North Carolina shows that brief meditative exercise helps cognition and skills essential to critical thinking,” she says. But if you’re not into yoga, exercise of any kind works to boost your brain, says Dr. Lombardo. “Research shows that exercise increases the blood flow to all areas of your body, including the brain and specifically areas involved in memory,” she says. “One study found that mice who exercised grew new brain cells in the dentate gyrus, a part of the hippocampus which can be affected by declines in memory as we get older.” Short on time? “Try running up a flight of stairs, jogging to a bathroom that is farther away from you, doing 50 jumping jacks, putting on a great song and dancing around, or grabbing your child’s hand and jumping on the bed together.”
7. Sniff some rosemary.
Parsley and sage are great, as is thyme, but when it comes to improving memory, rosemary is king. In a recent study, UK researchers looked at scents and how they boosted or detracted from mental performance. They found that office workers whose cubicles were infused with the scent of rosemary had better long-term memory than those in unscented cubes. “There are other essential oils that can help with memory, but rosemary is by far the best and most economical,” says Cher Core, an aromatherapist in Boston. “Diffuse rosemary essential oil in the air, wear it in a perfume, use it in mists and more. It is a good choice for those studying and folks who need help with memory, focus and concentration.”
8. Pay attention.
Duh, right? It may sound obvious, but according to experts, when most people think they’re having memory problems, it’s really because they were distracted or didn’t record the information in their brain properly to begin with, says Linda Edelstein, PhD, adjunct faculty at Northwestern University and the author of The Art of Midlife. “When people cannot retrieve information it is often because they haven't taken it in in the first place,” she says. “You cannot recall information that you did not store.” The number-one trick to paying closer attention? Stop multitasking and be fully present. That means setting down the BlackBerry while lunching with your friend, turning off the TV when you’re trying to read something and not letting your eyes—or mind—wander when chatting with someone at a party. You’ll be more likely to remember the person’s name.
9. Learn a new song.
Have you ever found yourself singing along to a song you love that debuted 10 years ago, and yet you still don’t know the lyrics? Learning the words could be fun, but it could also be good for your memory in general. By memorizing a song, “you will be working out at least two different kinds of memory, auditory and verbal, which is probably something you don't do very often,” says Cynthia Green, PhD, an expert on brain health and memory. “The research suggests that constantly challenging our brains with intellectual pursuits may boost our ‘cognitive reserve’ and can have the associated benefit of reducing our dementia risk over the long-term.”
10. Go ahead and doodle.
When’s the last time you grabbed a pencil and paper and let your mind go—drawing hearts and rainbows, or whatever scene or object popped into your head? Surprisingly, says Dr. Green, a free-flowing pen could be the key to strengthening your brain’s memory centers. “Doodling has been found in studies to boost concentration, which is an essential first step to learning and memory,” says Dr. Green. “After all, if you can't focus on information, you don't acquire it effectively, and you can never remember something you don't learn in the first place!”
1. Talk with your hands.
It may sound strange, but waving your hands and gesturing while trying to learn a concept may help your brain remember something important, says Jeff Brown, PsyD, ABPP, coauthor of The Winner’s Brain. "Gesturing in a meaningful way while you are learning may help you when recalling the concept,” he says. “The idea is that you are storing at least two different types of information about something you'll need to recall later. A good example of this is when kids speak math problems aloud, but also 'work them' in the air.” Tactics to try: When you’ve just learned someone’s name, “write” it down on the palm of your hand with your finger. The act of tracing the letters on your palm (discreetly, of course) can help your brain remember it, says Dr. Brown. Or, “Air-write on an imaginary map of your grocery store or mall as you name aloud the items or stores you need to remember when shopping.”
2. Take a chill pill.
Learning to calm down and not carry as much stress can help your brain in significant ways, says Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, PT, a psychologist and physical therapist in Wexford, Pennsylvania, and the author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. “The best tip to improve your memory is: Reduce your stress,” says Dr. Lombardo. “Research shows that when people experience chronic stress, their hippocampus—the part of your brain that is responsible for some memories—literally shrinks in size.” In fact, a 2007 study in the journal Neurology by researchers at Rush University Medical School found that people who are easily distressed and had more negative emotions were more likely to develop memory problems than more easygoing people. How to reduce your stress? Consider delegating more tasks at work, clearing your social calendar for the weekend (there’s nothing wrong with having nothing on the calendar!) and purging negative relationships from your life.
3. Get plenty of zzz’s.
You’ve heard the concept of “sleeping on it” when you’re faced with a problem or difficult decision, right? Well, getting a good night’s sleep can help you improve your memory, too. "Sleep is critical for memory consolidation,” says Dr. Brown. “Getting at least six hours of uninterrupted sleep following exposure to new information can help in the recall of that information.” But there’s an important side note: “The trick is going directly to bed without inserting any new information or activity between what you want to recall and going to sleep—no reading, no TV, no sex, no music."
4. Eat more fruits and veggies.
Eating your spinach—and carrots and peas—is not only good for your body, it’s good for your memory, too. A recent Harvard study found that people who ate more vegetables had a slower decline of brain function as they aged. “Other studies, such as one published in Pharmacology, have shown that essential brain-boosting nutrients found in certain produce, such as quercetin and anthocyanin, may reverse memory loss,” says Tosca Reno, a health and fitness expert and author of the bestselling book The Eat-Clean Diet. You can find these compounds in cruciferous vegetables, such as Brussels sprouts, broccoli and cabbage, as well as in leafy greens, including kale, spinach and Swiss chard. Also load up on brightly colored produce such as berries, red apples, eggplant and grapes—their bright hue is an indication of their brain-boosting antioxidants.
5. Join a book club.
Not only is reading great for your brain, but discussing what you’ve read can improve your memory by leaps and bounds, says Sandra Bond Chapman, PhD. In fact, a book club with your closest girlfriends may help strengthen your brain’s frontal lobe function. “The frontal lobe is the last region of the brain to develop, but the first to decline with age,” explains Dr. Chapman. “To strengthen function of the frontal lobe, engage in deeper-level thinking activities such as interpreting what you read in a book, discussing the ‘larger messages’ in the book and pushing to see how many meanings you can derive from it.”
6. Go to yoga class.
What can a downward-facing-dog pose do for your memory? A lot, says Gina Norman, a yoga teacher in New York City. “A new study out of the University of North Carolina shows that brief meditative exercise helps cognition and skills essential to critical thinking,” she says. But if you’re not into yoga, exercise of any kind works to boost your brain, says Dr. Lombardo. “Research shows that exercise increases the blood flow to all areas of your body, including the brain and specifically areas involved in memory,” she says. “One study found that mice who exercised grew new brain cells in the dentate gyrus, a part of the hippocampus which can be affected by declines in memory as we get older.” Short on time? “Try running up a flight of stairs, jogging to a bathroom that is farther away from you, doing 50 jumping jacks, putting on a great song and dancing around, or grabbing your child’s hand and jumping on the bed together.”
7. Sniff some rosemary.
Parsley and sage are great, as is thyme, but when it comes to improving memory, rosemary is king. In a recent study, UK researchers looked at scents and how they boosted or detracted from mental performance. They found that office workers whose cubicles were infused with the scent of rosemary had better long-term memory than those in unscented cubes. “There are other essential oils that can help with memory, but rosemary is by far the best and most economical,” says Cher Core, an aromatherapist in Boston. “Diffuse rosemary essential oil in the air, wear it in a perfume, use it in mists and more. It is a good choice for those studying and folks who need help with memory, focus and concentration.”
8. Pay attention.
Duh, right? It may sound obvious, but according to experts, when most people think they’re having memory problems, it’s really because they were distracted or didn’t record the information in their brain properly to begin with, says Linda Edelstein, PhD, adjunct faculty at Northwestern University and the author of The Art of Midlife. “When people cannot retrieve information it is often because they haven't taken it in in the first place,” she says. “You cannot recall information that you did not store.” The number-one trick to paying closer attention? Stop multitasking and be fully present. That means setting down the BlackBerry while lunching with your friend, turning off the TV when you’re trying to read something and not letting your eyes—or mind—wander when chatting with someone at a party. You’ll be more likely to remember the person’s name.
9. Learn a new song.
Have you ever found yourself singing along to a song you love that debuted 10 years ago, and yet you still don’t know the lyrics? Learning the words could be fun, but it could also be good for your memory in general. By memorizing a song, “you will be working out at least two different kinds of memory, auditory and verbal, which is probably something you don't do very often,” says Cynthia Green, PhD, an expert on brain health and memory. “The research suggests that constantly challenging our brains with intellectual pursuits may boost our ‘cognitive reserve’ and can have the associated benefit of reducing our dementia risk over the long-term.”
10. Go ahead and doodle.
When’s the last time you grabbed a pencil and paper and let your mind go—drawing hearts and rainbows, or whatever scene or object popped into your head? Surprisingly, says Dr. Green, a free-flowing pen could be the key to strengthening your brain’s memory centers. “Doodling has been found in studies to boost concentration, which is an essential first step to learning and memory,” says Dr. Green. “After all, if you can't focus on information, you don't acquire it effectively, and you can never remember something you don't learn in the first place!”
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Testosterone
This article was inspired by a book I read called "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Danny Glover.
It seems American society is being flooded with nice guys. Every women reading this article knows EXACTLY what a nice guy is. There’s no need to pull out Websters here. In addition to that, every woman reading this knows AT LEAST one nice guy in her social circle.
For the men reading this, chances are if you are an American male, you have a very strong possibility of being a nice guy. Here’s the litmus test you can use in order to determine if you are one.
Do you constantly seek approval from women? Do you try to “buy” love from women with fancy dinners and gifts? Do women that you like tell you you’re like a brother to them? (that’s the kiss of death btw) When you ask women out, do they reply “Let’s just be friends.”? Do you think it’s bad to be male?
If you find yourself nodding along to these questions, I’m sorry to be the one to point out to you that you are a 100% Certified Grade A Nice Guy with all the trimmings, but don’t despair, there is hope.
A lot of theories have been tossed around regarding why women don’t go for the nice guys.
“They’re not a challenge.” “They’re too boring.” “There’s no excitement.” “They’re too easy to get.” “They’re pushovers.”
These to me, are the superficial reasons why women don’t go for nice guys. We need to dig a bit deeper.
What’s the root reason why nice guys can’t get the girls?
In my opinion, there are actually two root reasons.
1. They don’t embrace their masculinity. 2. They put women on a pedestal.
1. They don’t embrace their masculinity.
The book I mentioned lists several reasons as to why men of this generation have become nice guys. One reason that really struck me was radical feminism. Glover stated that radical feminism led to a social climate that was extremely hostile toward men.
“All men are pigs.” “Men are the cause of all the problems in the world.” “Men are rapists.” “All men are good for nothing animals who treat women like pieces of meat.”
Therefore, boys concluded that women did not like men, so they strived to hide their masculinity. After all, men were pigs right? And women don’t like that right? So don’t be a man, and you won’t be a pig and women will like that right? Twisted reasoning indeed.
The result?
Women all over America becoming extremely frustrated with the lack of real men today. Radical feminism has tasted the fruits of its labor and it is very bitter.
Don’t mess with nature. If you’re male, be male. If you’re female, be female. Don’t hide it. Embrace it.
Get the notion of “It’s bad to be male” out of your head right this second.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being male.
Just like there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being female, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being male.
Embrace your masculinity. Do not be ashamed of it.
2. They put women on a pedestal.
The book also states that because of a shift from an agrarian to a manufacturing society in America, as well as several wars in between, boys were left without fathers at home.
Furthermore, the educational system was primarily comprised of females.
With the absence of male influence at home and at school, boys were conditioned to look to women for definition and approval. This habit carries on to adulthood in the form of guys seeking approval from women.
Nice guys see women they like and automatically put them on a pedestal, wondering what they can do to gain their approval. Maybe write them a 10 page love letter, or make them a mix tape, or shower them with expensive gifts, all in a vain attempt to gain her approval and win her love.
They do all this in the beginning of a relationship, hence having the quality of “coming on too strong, being too eager and not being enough of a challenge.” By doing these things from the very beginning, men silently imply that they are not good enough and must resort to other tactics to deem themselves worthy of women.
Nice guys see women and think, “Man, I have to do something in order to get that girl. They’re way up there and I’m way down here so I have to compensate somehow”.
As a result, nice guys spend their every waking moment, dreaming of how they can get the girl. They spend all their free time around the girl, going shopping with her, listening to all her complaints, sympathizing with the problems she is having with her boyfriend, all in a vain attempt to gain her approval in hopes that one day she will come racing into his arms.
Women are human. They eat, breath, sleep, and go to the bathroom on a regular basis just like the rest of us. Women are not goddesses. They have the same insecurities (if not more) as you and I. There’s nothing different about them. They're human.
Don’t think that you have to gain approval from them.
All right, so how can you stop being a nice guy?
Don’t be afraid to be male. Embrace your masculinity.
But what does it mean to embrace your masculinity? What does it mean to be male?
Let’s break down attraction to the most basic elements.
Male and female.
Males are attracted to females.
Females are attracted to males.
Biologically speaking, what makes somebody male?
Testosterone.
Biologically speaking, what makes somebody female?
Estrogen.
Testosterone is attracted to estrogen.
Estrogen is attracted to testosterone.
Ever wonder why the jocks got the girls in high school? They worked out and played in competitive sports; two things conducive to promoting testosterone in the body.
Ever wonder why “bad boys” and criminals get the women? They're risk takers. They pay no attention to law. They're reckless and dangerous. Again, symptoms of high testosterone.
Research has linked high testosterone to criminal behavior. Research has linked competition and weight lifting to high testosterone as well.
Testosterone: Hormone of the Gods?
Women are attracted to the jocks and bad boys simply because they are male in the sense that they have high testosterone.
Is the flip side true? Are men attracted to beautiful women simply because they are women in the sense that they have high estrogen?
Yes, studies have shown that men are attracted to women with high estrogen levels as well.
Feminine Beauty Linked to Estrogen Levels A beautiful combination: Researchers link estrogen to looks Hormone levels predict attractiveness of women
(Btw, you will find women use make up as well in order to give the illusion of the physical characteristics of high estrogen in order to attract males)
There’s a deeper science that goes into this about how high levels of testosterone and estrogen reflect underlying health and fertility, but I won’t get into that.
Strictly speaking in biological terms, testosterone makes the man and estrogen makes the women.
Is this surprising? No.
Drill down to the basics.
I am male, she is female.
Act accordingly and attraction will not be a problem.
Now, am I advocating that you go and inject yourself with 500 liters of testosterone? Absolutely not. Injecting yourself with synthetic testosterone shuts down your body’s ability to produce it naturally.
I am advocating however, that you engage in activities that will raise your testosterone levels.
Lifting heavy weights on a consistent basis coupled with proper nutrition and rest will raise levels of testosterone in the body. When you lift heavy weights, you literally create little tears in your muscle tissues. Testosterone, an anabolic hormone responsible for muscle growth among many other things, is produced by the body in order to rebuild the muscle to resist against future weight.
So instead of sitting on your butt playing World of Warcraft, Playstation, or X Box, get out there and pick up the weights.
You will find that by building your testosterone, your demeanor toward women and theirs toward you will change. When you lock eyes with a beautiful women, you won’t immediately shift your eyes to the ground and be embarrassed. You’ll lock eye contact with her and be comfortable about it. SHE will be the one who looks away.
You will find that women will start paying more attention to you. It’s as if they’re equipped with incredibly sensitive receptors to testosterone. (studies have shown that women are capable of identifying individuals with high testosterone simply by smelling sweaty t-shirts)
Try a regimen of weightlifting and compare your attitude and results with the opposite sex after a short period of time. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.
If you want more information on building muscle as well as losing fat, two things that are conducive to increasing testosterone in the body, check out Tom Venuto's book Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle.
And don't become so obsessed with testosterone that you start letting it control you, in terms of your behavior and attitude. Then you'll turn into the jerk or the criminal.
The key is to have testosterone and control it. Don't let it control you.
Just be true to your nature.
To illustrate my point even further, imagine a woman with a thick beard, mustache and a deep voice hitting on you at the bar. You would be repulsed right? Of course you would! This woman is not embracing her true nature as a female.
Women are a million times more repulsed because nice guys do exactly the same thing. They don’t embrace their true nature as a male.
If you’re male, be male. If you’re female, be female and let nature take its course.
You don’t need the memorize pick up lines. You don’t need to psych yourself up to meet women. You don’t need to make a ton of money. You don’t need to have a great job. You don’t need the BMW.
You just need to be male. Everything you need is already inside of you.
Use it.
Don’t make women the focal point of your life.
Nice guys revolve their entire lives around the women. Nice guys spend all their time dreaming of all the future possibilities with her. They do all this from the get go. What must I do to get her? I’ll write her poetry. I’ll take her out to the most expensive restaurant and show her how wealthy I am. I’ll buy her favorite pair of shoes that she mentioned in a conversation nine years ago. They'll drop whatever they are doing at a drop of a dime and be at their beck and call 24/7.
All acts reeking of extreme desperation.
What’s the solution? Is it to try not to act desperate?
These are when the “rules of dating” come into play. Call her three days later, act aloof, be a challenge. That’s all utter garbage. That’s all smoke and mirrors.
Don’t try to fake not being desperate by following these “rules”. Just don’t be desperate naturally. How?
Don’t make women the focal point in your life. Have something else going for you. Have a worthy goal or dream you are pursuing that is of higher priority than women.
Have a dream. Have a goal and work toward it. Women will not seem that intimidating anymore. You won’t spend all your time with her. You won’t become “too easy” or “boring” because you’ve got something else going for you.
Instead of using all your time, money, and energy pursing women, use all that to accomplish your own goals. Napoleon Hill refers to this as sexual transmutation. Channel all that energy into fulfilling your own goals and you will find yourself unstoppable. Go on your own program of self improvement. Nice guys place their worthiness and happiness on getting the girl. Instead of doing that, make your own life happy and worthwhile by pursuing your own goals and ambitions. Then, she’ll be the one asking, “What can I do to get him?"
So nice guys, don’t feel so bad. Society is structured to easily make nice guys of any male but the key is not to blame society and if you're a frusterated nice guy, the key is not to blame women in general. It’s just to become aware that the common factor is YOU and that you change by embracing your right to be male.
Embrace your masculinity, take women off the pedestal, and don’t make women the focus of your life. Harness all that time, money, and energy and apply it toward realizing your own goals and dreams and the nice guy within will never appear ever again.
By Brian Kim.
It seems American society is being flooded with nice guys. Every women reading this article knows EXACTLY what a nice guy is. There’s no need to pull out Websters here. In addition to that, every woman reading this knows AT LEAST one nice guy in her social circle.
For the men reading this, chances are if you are an American male, you have a very strong possibility of being a nice guy. Here’s the litmus test you can use in order to determine if you are one.
Do you constantly seek approval from women? Do you try to “buy” love from women with fancy dinners and gifts? Do women that you like tell you you’re like a brother to them? (that’s the kiss of death btw) When you ask women out, do they reply “Let’s just be friends.”? Do you think it’s bad to be male?
If you find yourself nodding along to these questions, I’m sorry to be the one to point out to you that you are a 100% Certified Grade A Nice Guy with all the trimmings, but don’t despair, there is hope.
A lot of theories have been tossed around regarding why women don’t go for the nice guys.
“They’re not a challenge.” “They’re too boring.” “There’s no excitement.” “They’re too easy to get.” “They’re pushovers.”
These to me, are the superficial reasons why women don’t go for nice guys. We need to dig a bit deeper.
What’s the root reason why nice guys can’t get the girls?
In my opinion, there are actually two root reasons.
1. They don’t embrace their masculinity. 2. They put women on a pedestal.
1. They don’t embrace their masculinity.
The book I mentioned lists several reasons as to why men of this generation have become nice guys. One reason that really struck me was radical feminism. Glover stated that radical feminism led to a social climate that was extremely hostile toward men.
“All men are pigs.” “Men are the cause of all the problems in the world.” “Men are rapists.” “All men are good for nothing animals who treat women like pieces of meat.”
Therefore, boys concluded that women did not like men, so they strived to hide their masculinity. After all, men were pigs right? And women don’t like that right? So don’t be a man, and you won’t be a pig and women will like that right? Twisted reasoning indeed.
The result?
Women all over America becoming extremely frustrated with the lack of real men today. Radical feminism has tasted the fruits of its labor and it is very bitter.
Don’t mess with nature. If you’re male, be male. If you’re female, be female. Don’t hide it. Embrace it.
Get the notion of “It’s bad to be male” out of your head right this second.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being male.
Just like there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being female, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being male.
Embrace your masculinity. Do not be ashamed of it.
2. They put women on a pedestal.
The book also states that because of a shift from an agrarian to a manufacturing society in America, as well as several wars in between, boys were left without fathers at home.
Furthermore, the educational system was primarily comprised of females.
With the absence of male influence at home and at school, boys were conditioned to look to women for definition and approval. This habit carries on to adulthood in the form of guys seeking approval from women.
Nice guys see women they like and automatically put them on a pedestal, wondering what they can do to gain their approval. Maybe write them a 10 page love letter, or make them a mix tape, or shower them with expensive gifts, all in a vain attempt to gain her approval and win her love.
They do all this in the beginning of a relationship, hence having the quality of “coming on too strong, being too eager and not being enough of a challenge.” By doing these things from the very beginning, men silently imply that they are not good enough and must resort to other tactics to deem themselves worthy of women.
Nice guys see women and think, “Man, I have to do something in order to get that girl. They’re way up there and I’m way down here so I have to compensate somehow”.
As a result, nice guys spend their every waking moment, dreaming of how they can get the girl. They spend all their free time around the girl, going shopping with her, listening to all her complaints, sympathizing with the problems she is having with her boyfriend, all in a vain attempt to gain her approval in hopes that one day she will come racing into his arms.
Women are human. They eat, breath, sleep, and go to the bathroom on a regular basis just like the rest of us. Women are not goddesses. They have the same insecurities (if not more) as you and I. There’s nothing different about them. They're human.
Don’t think that you have to gain approval from them.
All right, so how can you stop being a nice guy?
Don’t be afraid to be male. Embrace your masculinity.
But what does it mean to embrace your masculinity? What does it mean to be male?
Let’s break down attraction to the most basic elements.
Male and female.
Males are attracted to females.
Females are attracted to males.
Biologically speaking, what makes somebody male?
Testosterone.
Biologically speaking, what makes somebody female?
Estrogen.
Testosterone is attracted to estrogen.
Estrogen is attracted to testosterone.
Ever wonder why the jocks got the girls in high school? They worked out and played in competitive sports; two things conducive to promoting testosterone in the body.
Ever wonder why “bad boys” and criminals get the women? They're risk takers. They pay no attention to law. They're reckless and dangerous. Again, symptoms of high testosterone.
Research has linked high testosterone to criminal behavior. Research has linked competition and weight lifting to high testosterone as well.
Testosterone: Hormone of the Gods?
Women are attracted to the jocks and bad boys simply because they are male in the sense that they have high testosterone.
Is the flip side true? Are men attracted to beautiful women simply because they are women in the sense that they have high estrogen?
Yes, studies have shown that men are attracted to women with high estrogen levels as well.
Feminine Beauty Linked to Estrogen Levels A beautiful combination: Researchers link estrogen to looks Hormone levels predict attractiveness of women
(Btw, you will find women use make up as well in order to give the illusion of the physical characteristics of high estrogen in order to attract males)
There’s a deeper science that goes into this about how high levels of testosterone and estrogen reflect underlying health and fertility, but I won’t get into that.
Strictly speaking in biological terms, testosterone makes the man and estrogen makes the women.
Is this surprising? No.
Drill down to the basics.
I am male, she is female.
Act accordingly and attraction will not be a problem.
Now, am I advocating that you go and inject yourself with 500 liters of testosterone? Absolutely not. Injecting yourself with synthetic testosterone shuts down your body’s ability to produce it naturally.
I am advocating however, that you engage in activities that will raise your testosterone levels.
Lifting heavy weights on a consistent basis coupled with proper nutrition and rest will raise levels of testosterone in the body. When you lift heavy weights, you literally create little tears in your muscle tissues. Testosterone, an anabolic hormone responsible for muscle growth among many other things, is produced by the body in order to rebuild the muscle to resist against future weight.
So instead of sitting on your butt playing World of Warcraft, Playstation, or X Box, get out there and pick up the weights.
You will find that by building your testosterone, your demeanor toward women and theirs toward you will change. When you lock eyes with a beautiful women, you won’t immediately shift your eyes to the ground and be embarrassed. You’ll lock eye contact with her and be comfortable about it. SHE will be the one who looks away.
You will find that women will start paying more attention to you. It’s as if they’re equipped with incredibly sensitive receptors to testosterone. (studies have shown that women are capable of identifying individuals with high testosterone simply by smelling sweaty t-shirts)
Try a regimen of weightlifting and compare your attitude and results with the opposite sex after a short period of time. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.
If you want more information on building muscle as well as losing fat, two things that are conducive to increasing testosterone in the body, check out Tom Venuto's book Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle.
And don't become so obsessed with testosterone that you start letting it control you, in terms of your behavior and attitude. Then you'll turn into the jerk or the criminal.
The key is to have testosterone and control it. Don't let it control you.
Just be true to your nature.
To illustrate my point even further, imagine a woman with a thick beard, mustache and a deep voice hitting on you at the bar. You would be repulsed right? Of course you would! This woman is not embracing her true nature as a female.
Women are a million times more repulsed because nice guys do exactly the same thing. They don’t embrace their true nature as a male.
If you’re male, be male. If you’re female, be female and let nature take its course.
You don’t need the memorize pick up lines. You don’t need to psych yourself up to meet women. You don’t need to make a ton of money. You don’t need to have a great job. You don’t need the BMW.
You just need to be male. Everything you need is already inside of you.
Use it.
Don’t make women the focal point of your life.
Nice guys revolve their entire lives around the women. Nice guys spend all their time dreaming of all the future possibilities with her. They do all this from the get go. What must I do to get her? I’ll write her poetry. I’ll take her out to the most expensive restaurant and show her how wealthy I am. I’ll buy her favorite pair of shoes that she mentioned in a conversation nine years ago. They'll drop whatever they are doing at a drop of a dime and be at their beck and call 24/7.
All acts reeking of extreme desperation.
What’s the solution? Is it to try not to act desperate?
These are when the “rules of dating” come into play. Call her three days later, act aloof, be a challenge. That’s all utter garbage. That’s all smoke and mirrors.
Don’t try to fake not being desperate by following these “rules”. Just don’t be desperate naturally. How?
Don’t make women the focal point in your life. Have something else going for you. Have a worthy goal or dream you are pursuing that is of higher priority than women.
Have a dream. Have a goal and work toward it. Women will not seem that intimidating anymore. You won’t spend all your time with her. You won’t become “too easy” or “boring” because you’ve got something else going for you.
Instead of using all your time, money, and energy pursing women, use all that to accomplish your own goals. Napoleon Hill refers to this as sexual transmutation. Channel all that energy into fulfilling your own goals and you will find yourself unstoppable. Go on your own program of self improvement. Nice guys place their worthiness and happiness on getting the girl. Instead of doing that, make your own life happy and worthwhile by pursuing your own goals and ambitions. Then, she’ll be the one asking, “What can I do to get him?"
So nice guys, don’t feel so bad. Society is structured to easily make nice guys of any male but the key is not to blame society and if you're a frusterated nice guy, the key is not to blame women in general. It’s just to become aware that the common factor is YOU and that you change by embracing your right to be male.
Embrace your masculinity, take women off the pedestal, and don’t make women the focus of your life. Harness all that time, money, and energy and apply it toward realizing your own goals and dreams and the nice guy within will never appear ever again.
By Brian Kim.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Top 5 Things That Should Be Taught In Every School
I can’t speak for schools outside the United States, but for those readers who went to school in America, I think you’ll agree that the American education system is in sore need of an upgrade. The world is changing at such a rapid pace and it’s my strong opinion that there should be more classes dedicated to helping students prepare and cope with the real world once they graduate.
If you look at this generation of students, you’ll find that most are “shell shocked” once they graduate because they had little or no preparation for what was to come.
High school mostly teaches you to memorize information and to regurgitate it back to your teacher, only to completely erase the information from your mind the moment you walk out after taking the test.
When you go on to college, you do a bit of the same things, but you also learn to think analytically, critically, and to broaden your mind so to speak, but even people who graduate from college will learn lessons from the real world the hard way as well. The sad part is all of this could’ve been prevented with some proper education beforehand.
Below are five things that I firmly believe should be taught in every school in America so that students don’t get railroaded when they enter the real world. If you’re still in school and reading this, consider it your lucky day as mastering these five skills will give you a great head start and help separate you from the rest of the pack as well.
#1. Personal Finance
Every week or so, there always seems to be a new article in CNN, USA Today, or Yahoo about young adults struggling with debt, whether it be from credit cards or loans in general. High interest rates, hidden fees, not consolidating debt – these terms and concepts are mostly unknown to young adults and because of that ignorance, they tend to make big errors in judgment. A prime example is thinking that they just have to pay the minimum on their balance and not realizing that by doing so, they pay 2-3 times as much in the long run.
Alongside that, most young adults don’t have a clue on how to invest their money. They don’t know what a Roth IRA account is, or a 401k, or the magic of compound interest, the tax benefits associated with investing in these types of vehicles, etc. There’s a lot of specialized knowledge out there that young adults are not aware of on when it comes to how they can invest their money and as a result, they frivolously spend it away.
Credit score is another big thing. A lot of young adults don’t bother to check up on it to make sure there are no errors with it. Your credit score is your report card in the real world and it comes into play when you’re buying a car, renting your first apartment, and even when you’re getting a job (most employers are now checking credit scores to determine how responsible the candidate is). Protect that at all costs. Learn what drives your credit score down. Learn what drives your credit score up. Check up on it every now and then to ensure nothing is wrong with it.
Even something as basic as creating a simple budget is beyond the grasp of some young adults and it simply amazes me that a lot of people don’t do this and some don’t even know how (you’d be surprised). Figure out your income after taxes, pay yourself FIRST (this is a big one – most people pay the bills and frivolously spend the leftovers until next payday), see what you can cut out if things are tight, look to see where you can bring in more income if you need to do so, etc.
Another important subset regarding personal finance are those “intangible” things, such as learning to differentiate between need and want, delaying the gratification, and having an inner sense of value. These concepts can’t be taught in the classroom but only taught through oneself via self discipline.
We live in a materialistic society where unfortunately, many young people grow up with the “have” then “be” mentality.
If I have _______, then I’ll be ____________.
Blame it on the media, advertising, or the impressionable minds of young people, but you’ll frequently see that a lot of people get stuck in this mentality and as a result, needlessly pile themselves in a mountain of debt.
One thing that I want to point out to students is that you’ll find as you get older, that a lot of people “fake” financial success. Not all, but a pretty big chunk. The neighbor or co-worker you see with the fancy car and nice clothes are most likely knee deep in debt while you’ll find the people with the average car and clothes have little or no debt and a nice big cushion of savings to that as well.
And the ironic and sad part is that most people don’t really care about other people because they’re so busy with themselves, so all that effort to impress others is really all in vain. The inherent danger in trying to accumulate expensive things to feel good about yourself is that you’re telling yourself that you need something outside of yourself to validate you, when everything you need to validate yourself is already within you. Stop looking for anything outside of you because there will always be something new and better to purchase. It’s like a dog chasing its tail. You’ll never catch it. Learn to simplify your life and to be content and grateful for the things you have. Don’t get caught up in the materialistic chase because once you do, it’s hard to get out.
#2. Communicating Effectively
By this, I’m not necessarily talking about giving speeches and presentations, although that certainly falls in this category. I'm mainly talking about being able to clearly take what’s in your head and to put it into words so the other person clearly understands what you’re saying the first time.
I know that sounds simple, but I’m sure you’ve met people in the workplace who don’t take the time to prepare when they speak with you and as a result, waste your time talking in circles when all you want to say to them is: “Can you take some time to think through what you want to say and come back to me later with that?”
Communicating effectively is one of the most underrated, yet most powerful skills you can develop.
The biggest part in communicating effectively is preparing what you want to say beforehand. Keep it simple. What’s my point? Why? Prepare a good example.
Your best friend in communicating effectively are these two words: “For example”. Whenever you see a confused look on people’s faces, your best response is leading with those two words: For example. When you do that AND follow up with a relevant example, it allows the other person to “frame” what you’re talking about to get a better idea of what it is.
Communicating effectively is one of THE MOST underrated and MOST valuable skills a person can have. And let me tell you on a personal level, there’s nothing more refreshing than dealing with people who take the time to prepare what they have to say and back it up with clear examples. It’s a very rare skill nowadays.
#3. Social Skills
Closely related to communicating effectively are social skills in general. After you graduate, you’re not going to be dealing with your high school or frat buddies anymore.
You’ll be dealing with many people from different backgrounds, countries, and more importantly different age groups, so it would be wise to learn how to socialize outside your own group.
Cut the slang. Learn to respect customs from other countries. Learn how to listen – few people do. Learn when to speak and when NOT to.
Build rapport. Learn the art of networking – that’s key. Networking is a big skill that’s not taught enough in schools. Learn to compliment. Mingle. Make small talk.
Learn to approach people – that’s another big skill. Most people don’t have the guts to take the first initiative and introduce themselves. Be the big man. Take the first step. Learn to make the other person feel good and important. Dale Carnegie is your best friend in this area (Google his name if you don’t know what I’m talking about)
#4. Sales
Obviously I’m not advocating people becoming a salesman after school, but learning the art of selling is what I’m advocating. If you think about it, we all sell everyday. We sell ideas to our boss. We sell to our friends when we pitch ideas on what to do this weekend. We sell ourselves in job interviews. You could say that sales is a great combination of social skills and communicating effectively, but with some other components you should pick up that will be useful.
Listen. Really listen. Actively listen. Learn how to be convincing. Be persuasive. Think of objections and counter them ahead of time. Stress benefits instead of features. Listen to the other person. (yes I know it's a repeat, but it's for emphasis) Develop empathy. Think in terms of how you can help serve the other person.
Selling is one of the few skills that can be utilized in any job or career. It’s one of the most important cross marketable skills you will ever develop.
#5: Time Management
Speaking of other skills that can be utilized in any job and career is time management. The majority of students never really learn to value their time and manage it while in school. Procrastination is all too rampant (studying right before class, doing homework and essays the day it’s due, partying the night before the exam). This lack of time management often carries over into adulthood, which becomes a major liability.
Learn to make a to do list. Learn to prioritize. Learn to break things down into 30 minute blocks of time. Learn about actionable items. David Allen’s GTD system is your best friend here along with Dan Kennedy’s No B.S Time Management. Again if you’re unfamiliar with these people, Google is your best friend, but I’m sure the majority of readers will know what I’m talking about.
+1. Health
It’s not enough to make students run a mile and play sports. Education is needed now more than ever. Education on the dangers of consuming too much fast food. Education on what diets in high sugar and fat can do to the body. Education on proper nutrition. Education on the importance of exercising regularly as well. I think if schools start teaching these kinds of things, we could nip so many problems in the bud because most teenagers will not research this material on their own. The few that do have a head start in life but if we can’t teach them, schools should at the very least raise some sort of awareness and have an introductory class that talks about them – Real World 101.
If you have any friends or family who are still in school, please forward them this article. Think of it as a cheat sheet for the real world. You’ll be doing them a great service and they will most definitely thank you after they graduate. I guarantee it.
By Brian Kim.
If you look at this generation of students, you’ll find that most are “shell shocked” once they graduate because they had little or no preparation for what was to come.
High school mostly teaches you to memorize information and to regurgitate it back to your teacher, only to completely erase the information from your mind the moment you walk out after taking the test.
When you go on to college, you do a bit of the same things, but you also learn to think analytically, critically, and to broaden your mind so to speak, but even people who graduate from college will learn lessons from the real world the hard way as well. The sad part is all of this could’ve been prevented with some proper education beforehand.
Below are five things that I firmly believe should be taught in every school in America so that students don’t get railroaded when they enter the real world. If you’re still in school and reading this, consider it your lucky day as mastering these five skills will give you a great head start and help separate you from the rest of the pack as well.
#1. Personal Finance
Every week or so, there always seems to be a new article in CNN, USA Today, or Yahoo about young adults struggling with debt, whether it be from credit cards or loans in general. High interest rates, hidden fees, not consolidating debt – these terms and concepts are mostly unknown to young adults and because of that ignorance, they tend to make big errors in judgment. A prime example is thinking that they just have to pay the minimum on their balance and not realizing that by doing so, they pay 2-3 times as much in the long run.
Alongside that, most young adults don’t have a clue on how to invest their money. They don’t know what a Roth IRA account is, or a 401k, or the magic of compound interest, the tax benefits associated with investing in these types of vehicles, etc. There’s a lot of specialized knowledge out there that young adults are not aware of on when it comes to how they can invest their money and as a result, they frivolously spend it away.
Credit score is another big thing. A lot of young adults don’t bother to check up on it to make sure there are no errors with it. Your credit score is your report card in the real world and it comes into play when you’re buying a car, renting your first apartment, and even when you’re getting a job (most employers are now checking credit scores to determine how responsible the candidate is). Protect that at all costs. Learn what drives your credit score down. Learn what drives your credit score up. Check up on it every now and then to ensure nothing is wrong with it.
Even something as basic as creating a simple budget is beyond the grasp of some young adults and it simply amazes me that a lot of people don’t do this and some don’t even know how (you’d be surprised). Figure out your income after taxes, pay yourself FIRST (this is a big one – most people pay the bills and frivolously spend the leftovers until next payday), see what you can cut out if things are tight, look to see where you can bring in more income if you need to do so, etc.
Another important subset regarding personal finance are those “intangible” things, such as learning to differentiate between need and want, delaying the gratification, and having an inner sense of value. These concepts can’t be taught in the classroom but only taught through oneself via self discipline.
We live in a materialistic society where unfortunately, many young people grow up with the “have” then “be” mentality.
If I have _______, then I’ll be ____________.
Blame it on the media, advertising, or the impressionable minds of young people, but you’ll frequently see that a lot of people get stuck in this mentality and as a result, needlessly pile themselves in a mountain of debt.
One thing that I want to point out to students is that you’ll find as you get older, that a lot of people “fake” financial success. Not all, but a pretty big chunk. The neighbor or co-worker you see with the fancy car and nice clothes are most likely knee deep in debt while you’ll find the people with the average car and clothes have little or no debt and a nice big cushion of savings to that as well.
And the ironic and sad part is that most people don’t really care about other people because they’re so busy with themselves, so all that effort to impress others is really all in vain. The inherent danger in trying to accumulate expensive things to feel good about yourself is that you’re telling yourself that you need something outside of yourself to validate you, when everything you need to validate yourself is already within you. Stop looking for anything outside of you because there will always be something new and better to purchase. It’s like a dog chasing its tail. You’ll never catch it. Learn to simplify your life and to be content and grateful for the things you have. Don’t get caught up in the materialistic chase because once you do, it’s hard to get out.
#2. Communicating Effectively
By this, I’m not necessarily talking about giving speeches and presentations, although that certainly falls in this category. I'm mainly talking about being able to clearly take what’s in your head and to put it into words so the other person clearly understands what you’re saying the first time.
I know that sounds simple, but I’m sure you’ve met people in the workplace who don’t take the time to prepare when they speak with you and as a result, waste your time talking in circles when all you want to say to them is: “Can you take some time to think through what you want to say and come back to me later with that?”
Communicating effectively is one of the most underrated, yet most powerful skills you can develop.
The biggest part in communicating effectively is preparing what you want to say beforehand. Keep it simple. What’s my point? Why? Prepare a good example.
Your best friend in communicating effectively are these two words: “For example”. Whenever you see a confused look on people’s faces, your best response is leading with those two words: For example. When you do that AND follow up with a relevant example, it allows the other person to “frame” what you’re talking about to get a better idea of what it is.
Communicating effectively is one of THE MOST underrated and MOST valuable skills a person can have. And let me tell you on a personal level, there’s nothing more refreshing than dealing with people who take the time to prepare what they have to say and back it up with clear examples. It’s a very rare skill nowadays.
#3. Social Skills
Closely related to communicating effectively are social skills in general. After you graduate, you’re not going to be dealing with your high school or frat buddies anymore.
You’ll be dealing with many people from different backgrounds, countries, and more importantly different age groups, so it would be wise to learn how to socialize outside your own group.
Cut the slang. Learn to respect customs from other countries. Learn how to listen – few people do. Learn when to speak and when NOT to.
Build rapport. Learn the art of networking – that’s key. Networking is a big skill that’s not taught enough in schools. Learn to compliment. Mingle. Make small talk.
Learn to approach people – that’s another big skill. Most people don’t have the guts to take the first initiative and introduce themselves. Be the big man. Take the first step. Learn to make the other person feel good and important. Dale Carnegie is your best friend in this area (Google his name if you don’t know what I’m talking about)
#4. Sales
Obviously I’m not advocating people becoming a salesman after school, but learning the art of selling is what I’m advocating. If you think about it, we all sell everyday. We sell ideas to our boss. We sell to our friends when we pitch ideas on what to do this weekend. We sell ourselves in job interviews. You could say that sales is a great combination of social skills and communicating effectively, but with some other components you should pick up that will be useful.
Listen. Really listen. Actively listen. Learn how to be convincing. Be persuasive. Think of objections and counter them ahead of time. Stress benefits instead of features. Listen to the other person. (yes I know it's a repeat, but it's for emphasis) Develop empathy. Think in terms of how you can help serve the other person.
Selling is one of the few skills that can be utilized in any job or career. It’s one of the most important cross marketable skills you will ever develop.
#5: Time Management
Speaking of other skills that can be utilized in any job and career is time management. The majority of students never really learn to value their time and manage it while in school. Procrastination is all too rampant (studying right before class, doing homework and essays the day it’s due, partying the night before the exam). This lack of time management often carries over into adulthood, which becomes a major liability.
Learn to make a to do list. Learn to prioritize. Learn to break things down into 30 minute blocks of time. Learn about actionable items. David Allen’s GTD system is your best friend here along with Dan Kennedy’s No B.S Time Management. Again if you’re unfamiliar with these people, Google is your best friend, but I’m sure the majority of readers will know what I’m talking about.
+1. Health
It’s not enough to make students run a mile and play sports. Education is needed now more than ever. Education on the dangers of consuming too much fast food. Education on what diets in high sugar and fat can do to the body. Education on proper nutrition. Education on the importance of exercising regularly as well. I think if schools start teaching these kinds of things, we could nip so many problems in the bud because most teenagers will not research this material on their own. The few that do have a head start in life but if we can’t teach them, schools should at the very least raise some sort of awareness and have an introductory class that talks about them – Real World 101.
If you have any friends or family who are still in school, please forward them this article. Think of it as a cheat sheet for the real world. You’ll be doing them a great service and they will most definitely thank you after they graduate. I guarantee it.
By Brian Kim.
How to Find What You Love to Do
This article was inspired by Steve Jobs’ commencement speech at Stanford University. In it, he says the advice we’ve all heard a thousand times:
“You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.” - Steve Jobs
Well then, the question naturally arises:
How do you find what you love to do? It’s such a big question.
What absolutely boils my blood is that we hear we should be doing what we love to do all the time, but there’s not any step by step advice out there on how to find what you love to do. The advice that is out there helps to a certain degree, but it’s just a bunch of pieces thrown together with no coherent logical structure or order.
A perfect example is this. In order to find your passion, we are told to ask ourselves: “What would you do if you had a million dollars (tax free)?”
The typical answer ensues: “Well gee, I would put it in an account that yields high interest and live off the interest each year. Then I would move to Hawaii, buy a house, sip margaritas all day, play video games, go to the beach, swim, travel around the world, taste all the cuisines, read the books, play the sports, and on and on and on.”
Does this really help? Not really. Sure, you figured out what your lazy butt likes to do, but it doesn’t really answer the question that’s hidden, which is “How do I make money doing what I love to do?
What's the result? People working in jobs they hate, feeling trapped because they can’t quit as they rely on that sole source of income to finance a lifestyle tailored to escape their grim reality, drifting aimlessly in life, in short, leading lives of quiet desperation, as so eloquently put by Henry David Thoreau.
Why don’t they just quit their jobs and pursue what they love to do you ask?
Two Reasons.
Reason #1: They don’t know what they love to do.
Reason #2: Fear. They’ve got a lifestyle to uphold, bills to pay for, families to take care of, fear of no steady source of income, fear of what other people might think or say about them, etc. Fear. Conquer indecision in Reason #1 and ACT, and you will most definitely conquer all fear in Reason #2.
The very fact that you are seeking to find what you love to do (by the very fact you came across this article and started reading it) is a BIG step believe it or not. Many people in their lifetime avoid or do not even seek to find the answer to that question. They hear the question in their head but have become extremely adept at silencing it.
It is extremely important to answer the question on how to find what you love to do.
You must decide what destination to steer your life in. Otherwise, you leave yourself wide open for others to direct your life, as well as at the mercy of the winds and storms of life. If you know where your destination is, the rest is easy.
You will find once you know what you want to do, all uncertainty and burden will be lifted off your shoulders and you will have clear vision as to what your journey is and that journey will truly be joyful.
By the time you finish reading this article, I sincerely hope you experience that.
What about how to make money doing what you love?
The question of how to monetize doing what you love is certainly a valid one. There are bills to pay, stomachs to feed, families to support, etc.
Don’t worry about that for now. That will be covered later in this article.
First things first, you’ve got to find what you love to do.
Why is it so hard to find what you love to do?
The answer is:
It’s not hard at all.
You read right.
It’s not hard at all.
Then why are so many people having difficulty finding what they love to do?
Because they’ve never truly asked themselves.
What amazes me is that there seems to be a stigma attached to spending time with oneself. You have to constantly be doing something, whether it’s going to the game, drinking beer with the buddies, going to that hot party or club downtown, etc. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with doing all that, but I suspect the vast majority of people who engage in this “I have to be doing something every minute because I can’t be by myself” mentality are just putting up a front to show people how satisfying and fulfilling their life is, when in reality, it’s just the opposite. The irony here is that spending time with oneself is EXACTLY what you should be doing to lead a satisfying and fulfilling life.
People think you have to travel around the world, experience new things, etc to find what you love to do. No. You just have to sit down and decide. The answer is already within you. You just have to dig it up and avoid procrastinating. Your brain has absorbed all sorts of information and experiences and it has the answer ready to be unraveled.
Just let it out.
Be honest. Have you actually sat down by yourself with no distractions, with your sole focus on asking yourself what you love to do without picking up your cell phone, surfing the net, watching TV, chatting on AIM, listening to your favorite song, playing solitaire or minesweeper, checking your email, returning a call, getting a drink of water, going to the bathroom, looking at the clock, reading a magazine article, I could go on and on but you get the point. I’m going to go out on a limb and say you haven’t for the sole purpose of you reading this article. Why is that?
Fear of what the answer will be if you ask yourself what you love to do.
The answer is: I don’t know.
But that is exactly why you MUST find out. You’re avoiding the question because you know the answer is you don’t know, but that’s ok. Admitting you don’t know is perfectly fine. There’s nothing wrong with it. You’re way ahead of a ton of other people who learn to quiet the voice within that asks the question of “What do I love to do?”
And let’s say you’re one of the few people who actually specifically know what they love to do. The next thought that pops in their head is “Oh, I can’t make any money off of that.” The seed that was planted never grew.
I hate vague answers. I want clear, logical, definitive answers to questions.
So let’s do this.
Step 1: You WILL find the answer. No doubt.
You will find the answer. You will find it. No doubt.
Approach the question with this mentality and you are sure to find it. How long will it take? It doesn’t matter. Bottom line, you will find the answer.
By doing this, you automatically instill an anti quitting mechanism within yourself, because you know you will find the answer. If you know what you want to do, then you will do it.
For example, if you know you want to arrive in New York, you’ll find ways to get there. You’ll hop a train, bus, or plane going to New York and will arrive in New York.
If you don’t have the cash, you’ll borrow it, or get a job and save up, or get a job as a flight attendant to get there for free. It doesn’t matter how long it will take or what you need to do because you know you’re going to New York.
All your actions onward from the decision that you want to arrive in New York will revolve around getting to New York.
Read that last sentence again.
All your actions onward from the decision that you want to arrive in New York will revolve around getting to New York.
Finding what you love to do = Deciding to arrive in New York.
Step 2: Make a list of your skills and interests in two columns and WRITE THEM DOWN (I’ll explain why you must write things down later):
I’ve taken the liberty of creating a document you can print so you can easily fill in the blanks. You can download it here. KEY is to WRITE THESE DOWN!! I cannot emphasize this enough. Don’t think you can do it all in your head. WRITE IT DOWN.
When I mean by skills is any skill. It could be an intangible skill. Empty your clip here, list EVERY skill you have. It could be programming, making web pages, talking, listening, persuading people, typing, flirting, analyzing, giving speeches, making things easy to understand, whistling, blowing bubbles with your spit, it could be anything. Don’t be bashful. List everything you perceive your skills to be.
On your other column, lists your interests and don’t be shy here as well. List EVERY interest you could possibly think of. Spiders, shoes, hair, makeup, basketball, tennis, thinking of ideas, babysitting, walking, hiking, fireworks, helping people, making fun of people, fishing, tai chi, karate, seashells, seaweed, can openers, anything goes. Yes, I did say can openers. Your interests can also include subjects you are knowledgeable about as well. Computers, economics, biology, baskebtall plays, football plays, magic tricks, etc.
To help you write down more interests, think of what you were interested in at your previous jobs and write them down. Also, think of what you were NOT interested in your previous jobs and write the exact opposite.
Asking yourself the following questions may shed light as to what skills and interests you possess.
If you went in a bookstore, which section do you naturally gravitate toward?
Ask friends for any skills and interests they see in you. You’ll be surprised at how much insight they have on you that you’ve never thought of before.
What do you spend most of your time doing? What do you look forward to doing? Go back and think of your accomplishments as a child. What kind of skills and interests revolved around your accomplishments?
What did people praise you on doing?
What did your teachers or parents say you had a skill or knack of doing?
Why am I emphasizing skills and interests here?
Skills: Because you’ve got to leverage what you’re strong with. And don’t say you don’t have any. Everybody has skills. You’ve just never sat down and thought about it and wrote it down. By using your skills, you’ve got a head start, a catalyst.
Interests: Simply because you’ve got to love what you do. By including interests, you include another form of an anti quitting mechanism.
Focus on generating as many skills and interests you can possibly think of and WRITE IT DOWN!
You may find that your skills are gravitating toward one or two particular skills. The same may hold true for interests. Keep that in mind for step 3.
Step 3: Set aside some TRUE alone time with no distractions to focus and figure out what you love to do by asking yourself the right questions.
It amazes me how people set aside time for taxes, cooking, watching movies, reading, but when it comes to their own personal future, they NEVER set aside any time. How much MORE time should you set aside to figure out the path that will make you happy?
Ok, you’ve set some private alone time with no distractions; now what?
You must ask yourself an extremely clear question. Clarity is key here. The clearer the question, the easier the answer will be.
For example, if I ask you what 12 times 12 is, the answer comes easily, 144.
However, if I ask, what is some even two digit number times some other even two digit number? Guess how long it’ll take you to answer that question?
Clear questions lead to clear answers.
Another key thing is to WRITE it down. I know you’ve heard it a billion times and it’s so cliché but there’s a reason. Writing things down allows you to easily make connections you’ve never thought of before because you see it on paper. It also allows you to "free room" in your brain for other thoughts because they are put in another container so to speak.
If I ask you, what’s 257 times 852, try doing that in your head vs. writing it down. When you write it down, the answer comes out easier, not to mention more accurate.
If you haven’t already wrote down your skills and interests in the previous step, STOP and DO IT NOW. It won’t do you any good having them in your head.
So, let’s use your alone time to ask yourself a clear question in writing. What is the question you should ask yourself? Is it: “What do I love to do?”
That question is a bit broad, so let’s narrow it down a little. Try asking yourself:
What would I love to do on a daily basis utilizing both my skills and interests that will add significant value to people?
See the difference here? The more detailed and clearer the question, the easier it is to answer it. Why did I add the add value part? Because that will lead you to find a way to make money doing what you love.
By incorporating the question of how to add significant value by utilizing your skills, you automatically filter out all the “common answers” that people come up with when asked what they love to do. Common answers such as: “I love to watch TV.” Or “I love to play video games.” Answers such as that discourage people because they see no way of making money from it.
Adding to that, many people tend to make the mistake of focusing on how to make money. A lot of people fail to realize that money is just a byproduct of adding value in the form of a product or service to people.
When you know how you can add value to people, you’ll know how to get money.
Open up Word or get out a blank sheet of paper and write that question up at the top. Here it is again in case you don't want to scroll up.
What would I love to do on a daily basis utilizing both my skills and interests that will add significant value to people?
The KEY is to WRITE YOUR ANSWERS DOWN!! I cannot emphasize this enough. Don’t think you can do it all in your head. WRITE IT DOWN.
Looking at the two column list you made in the previous step, start writing down a list of answers. Just write. It doesn’t have to be perfect and it doesn’t have to make sense because sooner or later, you will connect the dots. Here’s a story to illustrate what I’m talking about.
There was a story about a small town with a ski resort which attracted a lot of tourists, which in turn helped the town’s economy. However, when it snowed, the snowfall collected on the power cables, until the weight was enough to collapse the cables, resulting in several power outages. Slowly but surely, tourists stopped coming, so the town held a meeting to discuss how to solve the problem of having snow collect on the power cables. Solutions were tossed out for quite some time.
Then somebody shouted in a loud voice from the back of the room and said “Let’s hang pots of honey on the power cables to make the bears climb up. When the bears climb up and get the honey, their movement will shake the snow off the power cables.”
The audience laughed and somebody else deciding to play along said “How will we refill the pots of honey?” “We’ll use a helicopter”, another person said.
Then the answer dawned upon them. By having a helicopter fly by the power lines, the wind from the propellers would shake the snow off.
The main point here is that answers, no matter how ridiculous they may seem, should not be feared because more often than not, they lead to results. It’s all part of the process.
Even if an answer seems ludicrous, write it down. Write down all your answers. Do it until you have 20 answers and look them over. You will find that as you write down answers and look at them, it will in turn propel you to think of new creative answers that you would not have come up with before.
You will be amazed at all the things you wrote and the different solid creative ideas that come about.
Now the time comes for focus.
I’m sure you’ve heard of the sun and magnifying glass analogy pertaining to focus but I’m going to say it again. If you try to do a bunch of things at once, nothing will get done. If you wave a magnifying glass around on the hottest day, you won’t burn anything. You’ll dissipate all your energy among the trivial many.
By focusing and harnessing all your power, energy, time, focus, thinking, etc. on one goal, you will be amazed at how deep and quickly you can accomplish that. Just as you steady a magnifying glass on a single object, with the hot burning sun rays analogous to your desire, focus, power, energy, time, etc, you will make an impact.
The notion of focus is so important that I’m going to use another analogy. Imagine you’re a cheetah and you see two juicy gazelles grazing in the grass. Spending your time chasing both = no food = death. Hunt one down. It might take time to catch it and kill it, but when you do, you'll be recharged. You will soon start collecting information on how the gazelles run, which direction they run, where they like to graze, etc, which will help you catch more gazelles in the future, thereby putting you in a favorable cycle. Case in point, focus on one.
So look over your list you just made and choose one idea that seems the most appealing to you. You may find you can combine a few ideas into one idea. Nevertheless, choose one idea that you will garner the greatest satisfaction not just for yourself, but to other people.
You might want to zero in on the ideas that combine your skills and interests that you’ve listed in the beginning. The reason being, psychologically speaking, you’ve probably listed your greatest skills and interests first and then as you started listing them downward, so did your degree of skill and interest. This might not be true. You might have 20 different but equal skills and interests, which if you do, I congratulate you. Just a tip I thought I would throw out.
How Will You Know You’ve Found What You Love To Do?
Does it make you feel good? If you feel it in your gut that you’ve hit the jackpot, you’re right.
If your friend were to bring up the idea you picked, would you be all over it talking about it?
You have to have no reservations about it. If you feel the slightest doubt that it’s not your passion, then it’s not. You must hunger to overcome any obstacles to pursue your passion.
By Brian Kim.
“You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.” - Steve Jobs
Well then, the question naturally arises:
How do you find what you love to do? It’s such a big question.
What absolutely boils my blood is that we hear we should be doing what we love to do all the time, but there’s not any step by step advice out there on how to find what you love to do. The advice that is out there helps to a certain degree, but it’s just a bunch of pieces thrown together with no coherent logical structure or order.
A perfect example is this. In order to find your passion, we are told to ask ourselves: “What would you do if you had a million dollars (tax free)?”
The typical answer ensues: “Well gee, I would put it in an account that yields high interest and live off the interest each year. Then I would move to Hawaii, buy a house, sip margaritas all day, play video games, go to the beach, swim, travel around the world, taste all the cuisines, read the books, play the sports, and on and on and on.”
Does this really help? Not really. Sure, you figured out what your lazy butt likes to do, but it doesn’t really answer the question that’s hidden, which is “How do I make money doing what I love to do?
What's the result? People working in jobs they hate, feeling trapped because they can’t quit as they rely on that sole source of income to finance a lifestyle tailored to escape their grim reality, drifting aimlessly in life, in short, leading lives of quiet desperation, as so eloquently put by Henry David Thoreau.
Why don’t they just quit their jobs and pursue what they love to do you ask?
Two Reasons.
Reason #1: They don’t know what they love to do.
Reason #2: Fear. They’ve got a lifestyle to uphold, bills to pay for, families to take care of, fear of no steady source of income, fear of what other people might think or say about them, etc. Fear. Conquer indecision in Reason #1 and ACT, and you will most definitely conquer all fear in Reason #2.
The very fact that you are seeking to find what you love to do (by the very fact you came across this article and started reading it) is a BIG step believe it or not. Many people in their lifetime avoid or do not even seek to find the answer to that question. They hear the question in their head but have become extremely adept at silencing it.
It is extremely important to answer the question on how to find what you love to do.
You must decide what destination to steer your life in. Otherwise, you leave yourself wide open for others to direct your life, as well as at the mercy of the winds and storms of life. If you know where your destination is, the rest is easy.
You will find once you know what you want to do, all uncertainty and burden will be lifted off your shoulders and you will have clear vision as to what your journey is and that journey will truly be joyful.
By the time you finish reading this article, I sincerely hope you experience that.
What about how to make money doing what you love?
The question of how to monetize doing what you love is certainly a valid one. There are bills to pay, stomachs to feed, families to support, etc.
Don’t worry about that for now. That will be covered later in this article.
First things first, you’ve got to find what you love to do.
Why is it so hard to find what you love to do?
The answer is:
It’s not hard at all.
You read right.
It’s not hard at all.
Then why are so many people having difficulty finding what they love to do?
Because they’ve never truly asked themselves.
What amazes me is that there seems to be a stigma attached to spending time with oneself. You have to constantly be doing something, whether it’s going to the game, drinking beer with the buddies, going to that hot party or club downtown, etc. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with doing all that, but I suspect the vast majority of people who engage in this “I have to be doing something every minute because I can’t be by myself” mentality are just putting up a front to show people how satisfying and fulfilling their life is, when in reality, it’s just the opposite. The irony here is that spending time with oneself is EXACTLY what you should be doing to lead a satisfying and fulfilling life.
People think you have to travel around the world, experience new things, etc to find what you love to do. No. You just have to sit down and decide. The answer is already within you. You just have to dig it up and avoid procrastinating. Your brain has absorbed all sorts of information and experiences and it has the answer ready to be unraveled.
Just let it out.
Be honest. Have you actually sat down by yourself with no distractions, with your sole focus on asking yourself what you love to do without picking up your cell phone, surfing the net, watching TV, chatting on AIM, listening to your favorite song, playing solitaire or minesweeper, checking your email, returning a call, getting a drink of water, going to the bathroom, looking at the clock, reading a magazine article, I could go on and on but you get the point. I’m going to go out on a limb and say you haven’t for the sole purpose of you reading this article. Why is that?
Fear of what the answer will be if you ask yourself what you love to do.
The answer is: I don’t know.
But that is exactly why you MUST find out. You’re avoiding the question because you know the answer is you don’t know, but that’s ok. Admitting you don’t know is perfectly fine. There’s nothing wrong with it. You’re way ahead of a ton of other people who learn to quiet the voice within that asks the question of “What do I love to do?”
And let’s say you’re one of the few people who actually specifically know what they love to do. The next thought that pops in their head is “Oh, I can’t make any money off of that.” The seed that was planted never grew.
I hate vague answers. I want clear, logical, definitive answers to questions.
So let’s do this.
Step 1: You WILL find the answer. No doubt.
You will find the answer. You will find it. No doubt.
Approach the question with this mentality and you are sure to find it. How long will it take? It doesn’t matter. Bottom line, you will find the answer.
By doing this, you automatically instill an anti quitting mechanism within yourself, because you know you will find the answer. If you know what you want to do, then you will do it.
For example, if you know you want to arrive in New York, you’ll find ways to get there. You’ll hop a train, bus, or plane going to New York and will arrive in New York.
If you don’t have the cash, you’ll borrow it, or get a job and save up, or get a job as a flight attendant to get there for free. It doesn’t matter how long it will take or what you need to do because you know you’re going to New York.
All your actions onward from the decision that you want to arrive in New York will revolve around getting to New York.
Read that last sentence again.
All your actions onward from the decision that you want to arrive in New York will revolve around getting to New York.
Finding what you love to do = Deciding to arrive in New York.
Step 2: Make a list of your skills and interests in two columns and WRITE THEM DOWN (I’ll explain why you must write things down later):
I’ve taken the liberty of creating a document you can print so you can easily fill in the blanks. You can download it here. KEY is to WRITE THESE DOWN!! I cannot emphasize this enough. Don’t think you can do it all in your head. WRITE IT DOWN.
When I mean by skills is any skill. It could be an intangible skill. Empty your clip here, list EVERY skill you have. It could be programming, making web pages, talking, listening, persuading people, typing, flirting, analyzing, giving speeches, making things easy to understand, whistling, blowing bubbles with your spit, it could be anything. Don’t be bashful. List everything you perceive your skills to be.
On your other column, lists your interests and don’t be shy here as well. List EVERY interest you could possibly think of. Spiders, shoes, hair, makeup, basketball, tennis, thinking of ideas, babysitting, walking, hiking, fireworks, helping people, making fun of people, fishing, tai chi, karate, seashells, seaweed, can openers, anything goes. Yes, I did say can openers. Your interests can also include subjects you are knowledgeable about as well. Computers, economics, biology, baskebtall plays, football plays, magic tricks, etc.
To help you write down more interests, think of what you were interested in at your previous jobs and write them down. Also, think of what you were NOT interested in your previous jobs and write the exact opposite.
Asking yourself the following questions may shed light as to what skills and interests you possess.
If you went in a bookstore, which section do you naturally gravitate toward?
Ask friends for any skills and interests they see in you. You’ll be surprised at how much insight they have on you that you’ve never thought of before.
What do you spend most of your time doing? What do you look forward to doing? Go back and think of your accomplishments as a child. What kind of skills and interests revolved around your accomplishments?
What did people praise you on doing?
What did your teachers or parents say you had a skill or knack of doing?
Why am I emphasizing skills and interests here?
Skills: Because you’ve got to leverage what you’re strong with. And don’t say you don’t have any. Everybody has skills. You’ve just never sat down and thought about it and wrote it down. By using your skills, you’ve got a head start, a catalyst.
Interests: Simply because you’ve got to love what you do. By including interests, you include another form of an anti quitting mechanism.
Focus on generating as many skills and interests you can possibly think of and WRITE IT DOWN!
You may find that your skills are gravitating toward one or two particular skills. The same may hold true for interests. Keep that in mind for step 3.
Step 3: Set aside some TRUE alone time with no distractions to focus and figure out what you love to do by asking yourself the right questions.
It amazes me how people set aside time for taxes, cooking, watching movies, reading, but when it comes to their own personal future, they NEVER set aside any time. How much MORE time should you set aside to figure out the path that will make you happy?
Ok, you’ve set some private alone time with no distractions; now what?
You must ask yourself an extremely clear question. Clarity is key here. The clearer the question, the easier the answer will be.
For example, if I ask you what 12 times 12 is, the answer comes easily, 144.
However, if I ask, what is some even two digit number times some other even two digit number? Guess how long it’ll take you to answer that question?
Clear questions lead to clear answers.
Another key thing is to WRITE it down. I know you’ve heard it a billion times and it’s so cliché but there’s a reason. Writing things down allows you to easily make connections you’ve never thought of before because you see it on paper. It also allows you to "free room" in your brain for other thoughts because they are put in another container so to speak.
If I ask you, what’s 257 times 852, try doing that in your head vs. writing it down. When you write it down, the answer comes out easier, not to mention more accurate.
If you haven’t already wrote down your skills and interests in the previous step, STOP and DO IT NOW. It won’t do you any good having them in your head.
So, let’s use your alone time to ask yourself a clear question in writing. What is the question you should ask yourself? Is it: “What do I love to do?”
That question is a bit broad, so let’s narrow it down a little. Try asking yourself:
What would I love to do on a daily basis utilizing both my skills and interests that will add significant value to people?
See the difference here? The more detailed and clearer the question, the easier it is to answer it. Why did I add the add value part? Because that will lead you to find a way to make money doing what you love.
By incorporating the question of how to add significant value by utilizing your skills, you automatically filter out all the “common answers” that people come up with when asked what they love to do. Common answers such as: “I love to watch TV.” Or “I love to play video games.” Answers such as that discourage people because they see no way of making money from it.
Adding to that, many people tend to make the mistake of focusing on how to make money. A lot of people fail to realize that money is just a byproduct of adding value in the form of a product or service to people.
When you know how you can add value to people, you’ll know how to get money.
Open up Word or get out a blank sheet of paper and write that question up at the top. Here it is again in case you don't want to scroll up.
What would I love to do on a daily basis utilizing both my skills and interests that will add significant value to people?
The KEY is to WRITE YOUR ANSWERS DOWN!! I cannot emphasize this enough. Don’t think you can do it all in your head. WRITE IT DOWN.
Looking at the two column list you made in the previous step, start writing down a list of answers. Just write. It doesn’t have to be perfect and it doesn’t have to make sense because sooner or later, you will connect the dots. Here’s a story to illustrate what I’m talking about.
There was a story about a small town with a ski resort which attracted a lot of tourists, which in turn helped the town’s economy. However, when it snowed, the snowfall collected on the power cables, until the weight was enough to collapse the cables, resulting in several power outages. Slowly but surely, tourists stopped coming, so the town held a meeting to discuss how to solve the problem of having snow collect on the power cables. Solutions were tossed out for quite some time.
Then somebody shouted in a loud voice from the back of the room and said “Let’s hang pots of honey on the power cables to make the bears climb up. When the bears climb up and get the honey, their movement will shake the snow off the power cables.”
The audience laughed and somebody else deciding to play along said “How will we refill the pots of honey?” “We’ll use a helicopter”, another person said.
Then the answer dawned upon them. By having a helicopter fly by the power lines, the wind from the propellers would shake the snow off.
The main point here is that answers, no matter how ridiculous they may seem, should not be feared because more often than not, they lead to results. It’s all part of the process.
Even if an answer seems ludicrous, write it down. Write down all your answers. Do it until you have 20 answers and look them over. You will find that as you write down answers and look at them, it will in turn propel you to think of new creative answers that you would not have come up with before.
You will be amazed at all the things you wrote and the different solid creative ideas that come about.
Now the time comes for focus.
I’m sure you’ve heard of the sun and magnifying glass analogy pertaining to focus but I’m going to say it again. If you try to do a bunch of things at once, nothing will get done. If you wave a magnifying glass around on the hottest day, you won’t burn anything. You’ll dissipate all your energy among the trivial many.
By focusing and harnessing all your power, energy, time, focus, thinking, etc. on one goal, you will be amazed at how deep and quickly you can accomplish that. Just as you steady a magnifying glass on a single object, with the hot burning sun rays analogous to your desire, focus, power, energy, time, etc, you will make an impact.
The notion of focus is so important that I’m going to use another analogy. Imagine you’re a cheetah and you see two juicy gazelles grazing in the grass. Spending your time chasing both = no food = death. Hunt one down. It might take time to catch it and kill it, but when you do, you'll be recharged. You will soon start collecting information on how the gazelles run, which direction they run, where they like to graze, etc, which will help you catch more gazelles in the future, thereby putting you in a favorable cycle. Case in point, focus on one.
So look over your list you just made and choose one idea that seems the most appealing to you. You may find you can combine a few ideas into one idea. Nevertheless, choose one idea that you will garner the greatest satisfaction not just for yourself, but to other people.
You might want to zero in on the ideas that combine your skills and interests that you’ve listed in the beginning. The reason being, psychologically speaking, you’ve probably listed your greatest skills and interests first and then as you started listing them downward, so did your degree of skill and interest. This might not be true. You might have 20 different but equal skills and interests, which if you do, I congratulate you. Just a tip I thought I would throw out.
How Will You Know You’ve Found What You Love To Do?
Does it make you feel good? If you feel it in your gut that you’ve hit the jackpot, you’re right.
If your friend were to bring up the idea you picked, would you be all over it talking about it?
You have to have no reservations about it. If you feel the slightest doubt that it’s not your passion, then it’s not. You must hunger to overcome any obstacles to pursue your passion.
By Brian Kim.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Чи аз жаргалтай харагдмаар байна уу
Хаана ч очсон аз жаргалтай байж болно. Гэхдээ аз жаргал гэдэг ачаалалтай шаргуу хөдөлмөр хийж байх үед гэхээсээ илүү ихэнхдээ хүний амралт, хувийн амьдралтай хослох нь илүү байдаг шүү дээ.Ажил дээрээ аз жаргалтай байж болох юм хэмээн THE TIMES баталж байна. Үүний тулд бидний өгөх бяцхан зааварчилгааг дагахад л гүйцээ.
1.Аливаад өргөн цар хүрээтэй ханд
Ажлын цагаар тантай тохиолдож байгаа зүйл таны хувьд чухал ч гэлээ ёстой л амь биш,заяа биш гэдэгчлэн бүхий л амьдралыг чинь шийдчих зүйл биш.Таны амьдралын бусад хүрээнд байгаа бүхий л сайн сайхан зүйлийн талаар санаж дурсахыг хичээ
2.Аз жаргалд хүрч болно гэдгийг ухамсарла
Заримдаа хүмүүс ажлынхаа утга учир, баяр баясгалангийн эх үүсвэрийг анзүаардаггүй. “Аз жаргал” номондоо Таль Бен-Шахар бичсэнчлэн аз жаргалтай болох боломжийг бодит байдал болгон хувиргахын тулд хамгийн түрүүн ямагт сэтгэл дүүрэн байх боломж байгаа гэдгийг ухамсарла.
3. Болж буй үйл явдлыг нөгөө өнцгөөс нь хар.
Өдөр тутмын нэгэн хэвийн ажилд та ядарч байгаа бол одоо байгаа нөхцөл байдлаа ерөнхийд нь нэг харж үзээд чухам яагаад та энэ ажлыг сонгож авсан бэ гэдгээ өөрөө өөртөө сануул. Хэрвээ ерөнхий дүр зураг таныг үнэхээр туйлдуулж байвал та өөрөө хамгаас сайн хийж чаддаг тодорхой үүрэг даалгаварт л анхаарлаа хандуулахыг хичээ. Жижиг ч атугай ажлыг та амжилттай хийж гүйцэтгэн түүнээсээ авч байгаа сэтгэл ханамжийг дутуу үнэлэх хэрэггүй.
4. Аз жаргалтай хүмүүсээр өөрийгөө хүрээлүүл.
Үүний төлөө бусдын төлөө ямар нэгэн зүйл хийх хэрэгтэй байсан ч аль болох сэтгэл хангалуун байдаг хүмүүсээр өөрийгөө хүрээлүүлэхийг хичээ. Хүмүүс өөрт нь тусалж байгаад ямагт эерэг таатай ханддаг бөгөөд энэхүү эерэг эрч хүч танд ч гэсэн дамжина. Гоншигонож хилэгнэсэн хүмүүсээс аль болох хол бай. Сөрөг эрч хүч ч бас амархан халддаг юм шүү.
5. Бодит байдалтай эвлэр.
Дандаа л сөрөг үр дагварын талаар бодож шаналж байхын оронд таны амьдралд гарах өөрчлөлт ямар таатай боломж гарах вэ гэдэгт анхаарлаа хандуул.
6. Дээд зэргээр сайн ажилла.
Ажлаа дээд зэргээр сайн хийж гүйцэтгэж байна гэдгээ та мэдэж байх ахул энэ нь танд сэтгэл хангалуун байх нэгэн нөхцлийг бүрдүүлнэ. / Төлөвлөсөн ёсоор бүх зүйл яг таг гүйцэтгэгдээгүй байсан ч/ Үүрэг даалгавраа сайн биелүүлж байгаадаа өөрөөрөө бахарх.
7. Өөрийн хүч чадлыг зөв тооцоол.
Хэт ядрах, сэтгэлийн хямрал зэргээс болж байнга сэтгэл түгшүүртэй байх, амьдралдаа сэтгэл хангалуун бус байх мэдрэмж төрдөг. Спортоор хичээллэх, гэр бүлдээ анхаарал хандуулах, найз нөхөдтэйгээ уулзах, амарч алжаалаа тайлах гээд өөрт хэрэгтэй бүхий л зүйлд цаг гаргаж чадахуйцаар ажлаа зохицуул.
8. Үе үе амсхийж бай.
Хэрвээ та бүр туйлдаж гүйцсэн бол таныг ядрааж буй орчноос түр ч атугай холдох хэрэгтэй. Ганцаар гарч салхил, эсвэл ажлынхаа хүнийг аяга кофенд урь. Энэ нь таныг тайвширч. нөхцөл байдалд эрүүл ухаанаар хандах болмж олгоно.
9. Яаралтай арга хэмжээ ав.
Ажил дээр тань ямарваа нэгэн зүйл амьдарлыг тань баллахаар уршиг тарьж буй бол өөр хэн нэг нь асуудлыг шийдчих байх гэж бүү хүлээ. Өөрөө л тэр даруй асуудлыг шийдвэрлэж үгүй болго.
10. Өөрөө өөртөө үнэн ч бай.
Сонгосон ажилдаа угаасаа тохирохгүй учраас л ажил дээрээ тав тухгүй байдаг байх гэдэг бодол төрдөг үү? Хэрвээ та бидний дээр өгсөн зөвөлгөөнүүдийг даган биелүүлээд ч сэтгэл санаа тань дээрдэхгүй байгаа бол одоо ажиллаж байгаа газраа солихоос аргагүйд хүрэх нь.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
ГУРАМСАН СҮЛЖЭЭ СУРГААЛЬ
Өсөхийн цагт санууштай нь
Бишрэл, хичээл, сэтгэл гурав
Өөдлөхийн тулд нягтлууштай нь
Сургааль, үнэн, үлгэр гурав
Ачлахын дээдээр ачлууштай нь
Ээж, аав, эх орон гурав
Асрахын дээдээр асрууштай нь
Өтгөс, нялхас, хань гурав
Ялахын түрүүнд ялууштай нь
Бие, хэл, сэтгэл гурав
Яруу төгс сурууштай нь
Яриа, дуу, хөгжим гурав
Эгшин бүрийд цэгнүүштэй нь
Бие, хэл, сэтгэл гурав
Эгнэгд тордож явууштай нь
Билэг, ухаан, чадал гурав
Бадарч дээшлэхийн үндэс нь
Сэрэх, санах, тэмүүлэх гурав
Баларч дордохын тэмдэг нь
Унтах, мартах, тэрслэх гурав
Ажиллах цагийн хэмнэл нь
Өглөө, өдөр, орой гурав
Амьдрах цагийн хэмжээ нь
Балчир, идэр, өтөл гурав
Мөчид хоосны жишээ нь
Өнгө, мөнгө зэрэглээ гурав
Мөнх бусын дохио нь
Өтлөх, элэх, буурах гурав
Ажил бүтээхийн эрэмбэ нь
Мэдлэг, чадвар, дадал гурав
Аливаа шинжээс эрхэм нь
Мэргэн, түргэн, даамай гурав
Тэтгэх горимын эх нь
Наран, саран, хайр гурав
Тэжээх шимийн үндэс нь
Гал, ус, газар гурав
Үйл бүхнээс эрхэм нь
Бодох, туурвих, дэмжих гурав
Үнэн бүхний туйл нь
Төрөх, орших, үхэх гурав
/Говийн Догшин ноён хутагт Дулдуйтын Данзанравжаа/
Бишрэл, хичээл, сэтгэл гурав
Өөдлөхийн тулд нягтлууштай нь
Сургааль, үнэн, үлгэр гурав
Ачлахын дээдээр ачлууштай нь
Ээж, аав, эх орон гурав
Асрахын дээдээр асрууштай нь
Өтгөс, нялхас, хань гурав
Ялахын түрүүнд ялууштай нь
Бие, хэл, сэтгэл гурав
Яруу төгс сурууштай нь
Яриа, дуу, хөгжим гурав
Эгшин бүрийд цэгнүүштэй нь
Бие, хэл, сэтгэл гурав
Эгнэгд тордож явууштай нь
Билэг, ухаан, чадал гурав
Бадарч дээшлэхийн үндэс нь
Сэрэх, санах, тэмүүлэх гурав
Баларч дордохын тэмдэг нь
Унтах, мартах, тэрслэх гурав
Ажиллах цагийн хэмнэл нь
Өглөө, өдөр, орой гурав
Амьдрах цагийн хэмжээ нь
Балчир, идэр, өтөл гурав
Мөчид хоосны жишээ нь
Өнгө, мөнгө зэрэглээ гурав
Мөнх бусын дохио нь
Өтлөх, элэх, буурах гурав
Ажил бүтээхийн эрэмбэ нь
Мэдлэг, чадвар, дадал гурав
Аливаа шинжээс эрхэм нь
Мэргэн, түргэн, даамай гурав
Тэтгэх горимын эх нь
Наран, саран, хайр гурав
Тэжээх шимийн үндэс нь
Гал, ус, газар гурав
Үйл бүхнээс эрхэм нь
Бодох, туурвих, дэмжих гурав
Үнэн бүхний туйл нь
Төрөх, орших, үхэх гурав
/Говийн Догшин ноён хутагт Дулдуйтын Данзанравжаа/
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Donald J. Trump’s Advice . . .
I’ve known about the 90/10 Ratio for a long time, but Robert gives us all a good reminder about it.
Pretty soon, if we don’t start paying attention, it could reach the 95/05 ratio, or even 99/01, with 1 percent of the people owning 99 percent of the nation’s assets.
Winners shouldn’t let that happen, and I hope that includes you. How can you tap into the power of that 90/10 principle? It’s important to have dreams.
“A man’s reach should exceed his grasp,” as Robert Browning said. That’s what keeps us going.
I like to say, “If your reality begins with your dreams, your dreams will become your reality.”
Why is that? Because to think otherwise leaves us at the level of mere survival, which is not what most people want. Did you ever hear a young person say that he or she hoped to become a bum someday? I haven’t either.
Usually young people say that they want to be the president, an astronaut, a fireman or a doctor. Those are demanding and sometimes heroic professions and young people have the dreams and aspirations to match them.
Another way to get the rule working for you is to remain young at heart - to aim high and have the enthusiasm and the plans to achieve what you are aiming for.
Don’t hesitate to have wild dreams. They are so much better than having no dreams at all. Pay attention to your dreams, then focus on what it’s going to take to achieve them.
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