You and a pretty redhead are tucked away in a corner table at that impossible-to-get-into new French bistro. And lo and behold, you notice she’s laughing at your jokes, twirling her hair, and giving other crystal-clear signs she’s into you. Or is she? Problem is, it can be hard to tell sometimes whether a woman is truly interested or just going through the motions. But luckily, there are plenty of ways to tell the difference. The signs below are the real deal.
1. She touches herself up
If she’s excusing herself to the restroom between courses, it’s doubtful she has a weak bladder. Nope, more likely she’s in there freshening up her makeup or making sure her hair is in place... all for you. “If she’s into you, she’ll be concerned with how she looks,” says Alison James, author of the forthcoming Better Off Wed? “Or, if she’s at the table, she’ll be fixing her shirt or brushing her hair back, maybe checking that her bra strap isn’t showing or adjusting her necklace — the kind of stuff you do when you’re worried about your appearance.”
2. She asks about your family
“When a woman likes a guy, she doesn’t want to get to know just him,” says Jillian Straus, author of Unhooked Generation: The Truth About Why We’re Still Single. “She wants to know about his family and friends — she’s looking for clues about what life with him would be like.” Indeed, especially if you’ve been set up or are on a blind date and know very little about each other, your relationship with your family says a lot about you — and a woman interested in you won’t hesitate to probe. “I think family is very revealing about a person’s personality,” says Tina Andreadis, 35, of New York City. “If he’s close with his family, it shows that he’s probably a warm person who values relationships and who would want a family of his own. If I am not interested in him, I won’t even ask because I just don’t care.”
3. She’s attentive
Let’s put it this way: no matter how busy she is, she’s not whipping out her BlackBerry if she’s interested in what you have to say. “If she’s not checking her watch, email or cell phone, it’s just one more sign that she’s paying attention to you,” says James. “When you like a guy, you’re hanging on his every word. When you don’t, you’re distracted easily.” Same goes for any preoccupations she has with the immediate environment, whether she’s people-watching or admiring the restaurant décor or even the food. If she’s saying things like, “This restaurant is beautiful. Hey, doesn’t that girl over there look like Marisa Tomei?” she may be enjoying herself, but not necessarily because you’re there.
4. She’s touchy-feely
If you find your date engaging in a little physical contact along with witty banter, chances are you’ve made a very good impression. From tapping your knee to emphasize a point or touching your forearm to get your attention, if a woman’s attracted to you, she won’t hesitate to reach out and let you know. Megan, 35, from New York City, employs this trick with guys she finds attractive. “I pretend to steady myself when I don’t need to be steadied,” she says. “When I’m climbing onto a stool, I’ll grab onto his shoulder or leg when I clearly don’t need to,” she laughs.
5. The date lasts longer than you expected
Ask any woman desperate to wind down a date, and she’ll tell you she skips dessert or declines an after-dinner stroll. Naturally, then, if she’s having a great time and doesn’t want to see you go, she’ll gladly take the waiter’s suggestion and try the chocolate cake, or join you in the cab ride home. And if you’ve agreed to meet for coffee and after a few sips she takes you up on your offer of dinner? That’s a bright green light, my friend. “Only if I’m into the guy will I agree to go to dinner if he suggests it on a ‘meet for coffee’ date,” says Diana, a 38-year-old from Boston. “If I’m meeting a guy and I’m not into him, I’m definitely not going to agree to get food after.”
So now that you know the signs that she’s really enjoying your time together, use them! Ask her for another date, have a goodnight hug or smooch... and things should move in a most positive direction.
By Cate Mitchell
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
When Does A Boy Become A Man?
So you think you're a man? Just because you've been with a woman or you are over twenty-one? Boy, have you got a lot to learn!
I'll tell you when you cross that boundary between boy and man. It's when you take full responsibility for at least yourself (and possibly others as well). As long as you are living at home, accepting money, food, shelter, gasoline or whatever from your parents - you have no idea what it means to be a man. Not a clue.
When you get a job and work all week long, digging ditches, moving boxes, pushing shopping carts, flipping burgers or sitting at a desk, then you are beginning the movement towards growing up. When you work your heart out, your legs hurt and your arms feel like they are going to fall off, well, that's part of the picture of manhood. When you receive that $200 a week paycheck, and you have to make that amount of money pay for rent, food, electricity, gasoline, car repairs, hospital bills and everything else that comes up - then you are getting a taste of what it means to be a man.
On the day that you catch the clue that electricity costs money, and that leaving the lights burning when you leave the house is expensive, then you are slowly turning the corner to manhood. When you understand that adding an extra blanket in the winter is a good thing, then I will acknowledge that you are starting to grow up.
On the day that you are the one who has to confront the person whose car you accidentally hit, and you make all of the calls to the insurance company and file your own police report, and pull it all off so that you are not devastated financially and emotionally, I will give you a few more points towards manhood.
Men understand that if they drink, even a little, it is not wise to drive. They also understand that traffic laws are important parts of civilization and survival, and follow them even when there is not a police officer around.
When you get a flat tire or your car breaks down, and you actually take care of it yourself without calling home for help - then you've taken another step. On the day when you have a more significant problem and you solve it without whining to your parents, well, you've taken another big leap.
When you figure out that you live with other people, and they may actually be able to smell the trash in your room or see the heaps of garbage next to your bed, and you do something as controversial as cleaning up the mess without being asked and without complaint, then you have taken a big step up the ladder.
On the day you can take care of yourself when you are not feeling well, set up your own doctor appointment and pick up your own prescriptions, while still attending school or doing your job, then you have taken a gigantic step upwards. If you can do all of this without whining and trying to get sympathy, I will even salute you!
When you do decide that you need to finish school and still maintain a job, and you actually do finish your studies, you will have taken a very large step towards manhood. Any child can drop out of school - it takes a man to get through it and emerge educated. If you can do this and pay (or at least help) pay the bill yourself - well, that's more than just a small step.
You want to take a few more steps? Turn off the television and do something productive. Stop telling us there is nothing to do or whining about how bored you are. Go out and explore the world! Live life and learn about everything you can. That's what men do.
Pick up your own trash, wash your own dishes and do your own laundry. These simple things are expected of any adult human being. You are not grown up until you perform these small tasks for yourself.
And, oh yes, men pay their debts and keep their promises. Any child will ask for money, saying he is borrowing it, and never return it. Men understand that an unpaid debt is dishonorable and, in addition, know without being asked or told that all promises must be kept at all costs.
You want to begin to actually cross the line? Continue and increase your responsibility to include others.
Start getting along with your parents instead of resenting them. You need to understand that they have put on hold many of their dreams and desires to keep you fed, clothed, entertained, healthy and educated. They are working themselves, quite literally, to death - and they are doing it for you! Remember, when you were born they didn't have gray hair - they acquired much of that trying their best to bring you up in this world. Once you figure this out and act upon it, you have made one of the biggest and most important steps to manhood.
Want to take some of the final steps to manhood? Find people that you can call friends, and support them, flow power to them and help them when necessary. Do so selflessly and without desire for any return, and you will make another big step.
Ready for one of the biggest steps? Find that special someone. Romance them, live with them, learn from them and love them. Be with that person and grow to love them. Then earn their love and respect.
Want to take one of the final steps, perhaps the hardest step of all? Be part of the community. Start giving back to the world in which you live. Serve on jury duty willingly and thus learn how the justice system works. Help an old lady across the street. Give time to a charity or pick up trash on the street. Do something, anything, to give back to the city or town in which you live.
If you can do these things, boy, as I have, then you will join the ranks of men. Until that time, you are still a child.
By Richard G. Lowe Jr.
I'll tell you when you cross that boundary between boy and man. It's when you take full responsibility for at least yourself (and possibly others as well). As long as you are living at home, accepting money, food, shelter, gasoline or whatever from your parents - you have no idea what it means to be a man. Not a clue.
When you get a job and work all week long, digging ditches, moving boxes, pushing shopping carts, flipping burgers or sitting at a desk, then you are beginning the movement towards growing up. When you work your heart out, your legs hurt and your arms feel like they are going to fall off, well, that's part of the picture of manhood. When you receive that $200 a week paycheck, and you have to make that amount of money pay for rent, food, electricity, gasoline, car repairs, hospital bills and everything else that comes up - then you are getting a taste of what it means to be a man.
On the day that you catch the clue that electricity costs money, and that leaving the lights burning when you leave the house is expensive, then you are slowly turning the corner to manhood. When you understand that adding an extra blanket in the winter is a good thing, then I will acknowledge that you are starting to grow up.
On the day that you are the one who has to confront the person whose car you accidentally hit, and you make all of the calls to the insurance company and file your own police report, and pull it all off so that you are not devastated financially and emotionally, I will give you a few more points towards manhood.
Men understand that if they drink, even a little, it is not wise to drive. They also understand that traffic laws are important parts of civilization and survival, and follow them even when there is not a police officer around.
When you get a flat tire or your car breaks down, and you actually take care of it yourself without calling home for help - then you've taken another step. On the day when you have a more significant problem and you solve it without whining to your parents, well, you've taken another big leap.
When you figure out that you live with other people, and they may actually be able to smell the trash in your room or see the heaps of garbage next to your bed, and you do something as controversial as cleaning up the mess without being asked and without complaint, then you have taken a big step up the ladder.
On the day you can take care of yourself when you are not feeling well, set up your own doctor appointment and pick up your own prescriptions, while still attending school or doing your job, then you have taken a gigantic step upwards. If you can do all of this without whining and trying to get sympathy, I will even salute you!
When you do decide that you need to finish school and still maintain a job, and you actually do finish your studies, you will have taken a very large step towards manhood. Any child can drop out of school - it takes a man to get through it and emerge educated. If you can do this and pay (or at least help) pay the bill yourself - well, that's more than just a small step.
You want to take a few more steps? Turn off the television and do something productive. Stop telling us there is nothing to do or whining about how bored you are. Go out and explore the world! Live life and learn about everything you can. That's what men do.
Pick up your own trash, wash your own dishes and do your own laundry. These simple things are expected of any adult human being. You are not grown up until you perform these small tasks for yourself.
And, oh yes, men pay their debts and keep their promises. Any child will ask for money, saying he is borrowing it, and never return it. Men understand that an unpaid debt is dishonorable and, in addition, know without being asked or told that all promises must be kept at all costs.
You want to begin to actually cross the line? Continue and increase your responsibility to include others.
Start getting along with your parents instead of resenting them. You need to understand that they have put on hold many of their dreams and desires to keep you fed, clothed, entertained, healthy and educated. They are working themselves, quite literally, to death - and they are doing it for you! Remember, when you were born they didn't have gray hair - they acquired much of that trying their best to bring you up in this world. Once you figure this out and act upon it, you have made one of the biggest and most important steps to manhood.
Want to take some of the final steps to manhood? Find people that you can call friends, and support them, flow power to them and help them when necessary. Do so selflessly and without desire for any return, and you will make another big step.
Ready for one of the biggest steps? Find that special someone. Romance them, live with them, learn from them and love them. Be with that person and grow to love them. Then earn their love and respect.
Want to take one of the final steps, perhaps the hardest step of all? Be part of the community. Start giving back to the world in which you live. Serve on jury duty willingly and thus learn how the justice system works. Help an old lady across the street. Give time to a charity or pick up trash on the street. Do something, anything, to give back to the city or town in which you live.
If you can do these things, boy, as I have, then you will join the ranks of men. Until that time, you are still a child.
By Richard G. Lowe Jr.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Hahaha
Амьддаа бие биедээ угла, хүмүүсээ
Алив сайхан биеэ бусдаас бүү харамла!
Хэрэггүй хиймэл эрхтэнээр нөгөөдөхөө бүү шархлуул
Хэн нэгнийгээ хагсарлийн үүд рүү битгий түлх
Арчаагүй сулралтай нэгнийгээ шоолж бүү инээ
Аяа, чи өөрөө ч байж мэднэ шүү
Амжиж чи өөрөө чалхны оргилд тулсан бол
Аз жаргалын таашаалыг бусдадаа нээж өг!
Ачыг чинь тэд бас бүү мартаг
Ганц сайхан сексээр дутаж яваа хүнд
Гарцаагүй түүнийг нь хангаж хийж өг
Гадаа нартай ч, гэрт хүйтэн өдөр
Газар хэвтээд ч болсон нэг удаа даялна
Чамд хандтай сайхан охидуудыг
Чанга эрхтэнээр битгий зовоо хүү минь
Чамайг хүссэнийх нь хариуд хүс
Чамаас чалхтай хүнтэй унтач ч болох шүү
Бидний хурьцал яг адилхан
Бидний өмдөнд боов хүртэл нэг янзаар зангирч
Бидний гуян дээр сперм хүртэл нэг янзаар бөмбөрч
Бидний орон дээр ав адилхан хүүхнүүд тохиолддог
Бүсгүйн догшин эрхтэнд асуулгүйгээр углаж
Бүтэлгүйтэж олдсон хүүхдийг дээр өргөн аргад!
Өнөөдөр чи ханаж, нөгөөх нь хагсардаг ч
Өөр нэг өдөр чи суларч, цаадах чинь тавина
Өлгий авс хоёрыг хүн бүхэн дамждаг болохоор
Өөр юу ч хэрэггүй бие биедээ л угла!
Өргөн орон дээр хүн сексээр л дутаж болохгүй!
Алив сайхан биеэ бусдаас бүү харамла!
Хэрэггүй хиймэл эрхтэнээр нөгөөдөхөө бүү шархлуул
Хэн нэгнийгээ хагсарлийн үүд рүү битгий түлх
Арчаагүй сулралтай нэгнийгээ шоолж бүү инээ
Аяа, чи өөрөө ч байж мэднэ шүү
Амжиж чи өөрөө чалхны оргилд тулсан бол
Аз жаргалын таашаалыг бусдадаа нээж өг!
Ачыг чинь тэд бас бүү мартаг
Ганц сайхан сексээр дутаж яваа хүнд
Гарцаагүй түүнийг нь хангаж хийж өг
Гадаа нартай ч, гэрт хүйтэн өдөр
Газар хэвтээд ч болсон нэг удаа даялна
Чамд хандтай сайхан охидуудыг
Чанга эрхтэнээр битгий зовоо хүү минь
Чамайг хүссэнийх нь хариуд хүс
Чамаас чалхтай хүнтэй унтач ч болох шүү
Бидний хурьцал яг адилхан
Бидний өмдөнд боов хүртэл нэг янзаар зангирч
Бидний гуян дээр сперм хүртэл нэг янзаар бөмбөрч
Бидний орон дээр ав адилхан хүүхнүүд тохиолддог
Бүсгүйн догшин эрхтэнд асуулгүйгээр углаж
Бүтэлгүйтэж олдсон хүүхдийг дээр өргөн аргад!
Өнөөдөр чи ханаж, нөгөөх нь хагсардаг ч
Өөр нэг өдөр чи суларч, цаадах чинь тавина
Өлгий авс хоёрыг хүн бүхэн дамждаг болохоор
Өөр юу ч хэрэггүй бие биедээ л угла!
Өргөн орон дээр хүн сексээр л дутаж болохгүй!
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Men: 5 lessons for meeting more women
To the men who are reading this article: There are a lot of women who are very unhappy with you. Really. I know, because as a dating coach, I hear women tell me all the time in the most exasperated tone: “How come I never meet a nice, normal guy? Why do I only get approached by creeps?” You’ve probably heard women say this yourself. So how would you respond to them?
I’m guessing it’s something like: “Nice guys are afraid of rejection, don’t want to bother you when you’re out, and are generally more concerned with the consequences of being embarrassed than with actually meeting you.” It may be true, but, as truth goes, it’s a pretty sad state of affairs. What’s easy to forget is that most women want to be approached by you. By not approaching them, you’re letting them down and allowing the creeps to take their shot. Follow these lessons and the next time you’re out, maybe you’ll prove that nice guys don’t finish last.
Lesson #1: Assume the answer is yes
Have you ever been sold a product before? Hair tonic, a car, bathroom tile? I can guarantee you that the salesperson didn’t pitch you by saying, “Um, excuse me… I hate to bother you… would you be interested in… I mean, probably not, but—” No! Any salesman worth his commission is not just selling confidence in his product, but confidence in himself. “Confidence says I’m bright, I’m likeable, women have liked me in the past, I’m comfortable in my own skin,” says Victor, 38, a real estate broker. “Since she has to make a decision on the spot, confidence through nonverbal communication makes the best impression.” You can even “fake it ’til you make it” through these two very simple means: Smile and maintain eye contact. And remember: If you don’t know that you’re worth talking to, how would she know?
Lesson #2: It’s not about you
I’m out at a big Hollywood scene with beautiful people. It’s getting late, towards the end of the night, and I ask my buddy Terrance which woman he’s got his eye on. He points to an attractive brunette talking to a cute blonde across the courtyard. Slightly bemused, I tell him that I will make the introduction. As I stride over, I rationalize that if my approach doesn’t go well, she’s not really rejecting me, but rather, Terrance. I know this isn’t true, but it gets me going.
I arrive while the women are in mid-conversation. I say nothing for a few seconds and when they both look at me, I chime in: “You guys just keep talking. I’ll interrupt when I’ve got something interesting to contribute.” And that was it. It wasn’t a line. It wasn’t planned. It just happened. After three minutes, Terrance came over, I made the introductions, and we both got phone numbers. The moral of the story? Playing my little conversational trick in all pick-up situations can be really helpful. Just ask any married friend how easy it is to talk with women when you know that there are no stakes involved. If it’s not about you, you can’t possibly fail.
Lesson #3: There’s power in numbers
Believe it or not, three is better than one. When you approach a woman who is by herself, she knows that you’re hitting on her based solely on your attraction to her. This increases the pressure in a way that doesn’t always make for a comfortable situation. That’s why the safest way to meet a woman is to approach her in a crowd of her friends. Now there’s no pressure, because nobody knows who you’re hitting on, and you can just be the friendly guy who’s chatting with everybody. “If you’re charming, funny or bright,” says Charles, 36, “she might find herself interested in you before you’ve expressed interest in her.” This tilts things in your favor, even to the point where you might be in control. “By charming her friends and getting their approval, the one you like will be that much more open when you ask her out,” adds Charles.
Lesson #4: It’s just that easy
If you ever doubt how simple it can be to meet a woman, this story should inspire you: I was at a party with some close friends and saw an acquaintance across the room. Late 30s, attractive, friendly, likeable. We’d met probably four times before through a mutual friend who was also at the party. When our eyes met, I smiled at her. She smiled back. Because it was a large and crowded room, I put out my index finger and beckoned her to come over to me. She sort of did a double take, smiled even more broadly and came right over.
“Hi,” I said, warmly.
“Hi,” she said, blankly. Then it hit me.
“You have no idea who I am,” I said.
“None whatsoever,” she replied.
“It’s Evan. Evan Katz.”
“Oh, yes — we’ve met! You cut your hair. I didn’t even recognize you.” She gave me a hug. But I had one more important question to ask her before we continued talking.
“Is it really that easy to get a woman to talk to you… just by calling her over with your finger?”
She took a second to consider the evidence and replied, “Apparently, it is.”
So there you have it. We men have more power than we even realized.
Lesson #5: The outcome doesn’t matter
Maybe you’re not her type. Maybe she’s just out of a relationship. Maybe she’s having troubles at work. Maybe she’s not perceptive enough to recognize your worth. You never know why someone may not be interested in you. Truthfully, it doesn’t matter. It’s more diminishing to your self-esteem to let fear run your life than it is to get rejected. Here’s one story below that showcases this in a big way.
So I was in the checkout line at the grocery store, and I was waiting for a woman with 400 coupons. In the meantime, I was talking to the tall, raven-haired cutie behind me. We were making jokes, laughing, passing the time. All in all, a very pleasant five minutes of my life. The coupon lady finished up. I paid for my stuff, said goodbye to my new friend and rolled my cart out the door.
The second I hit the fresh air, I was kicking myself: Dummy! Why didn’t you ask for her phone number? Because I got all embarrassed what with the other people in line and the woman swiping my bar codes. Because of all the other reasons that nice guys wimp out. I decided that this would not do. I was going to wait until she came out of the supermarket and ask her out. And that’s what I did.
“Hey, it was a lot of fun meeting you in there,” I said to her as she emerged with her bags. “I was wondering if you’d like to grab lunch sometime.”
A big smile came across her face. “You are so cute and I couldn’t be more flattered, but I have a serious, live-in boyfriend. But I really want to thank you for asking. You totally made my day.” After she said goodbye, I went home, walking on air, so happy that I did it, instead of wishing I did it, like so many times before. It didn’t matter if she had a boyfriend or if she was lying or being polite or whatever — all that mattered was that I took a big swing at the plate and even didn’t hurt myself in the process.
I’m guessing it’s something like: “Nice guys are afraid of rejection, don’t want to bother you when you’re out, and are generally more concerned with the consequences of being embarrassed than with actually meeting you.” It may be true, but, as truth goes, it’s a pretty sad state of affairs. What’s easy to forget is that most women want to be approached by you. By not approaching them, you’re letting them down and allowing the creeps to take their shot. Follow these lessons and the next time you’re out, maybe you’ll prove that nice guys don’t finish last.
Lesson #1: Assume the answer is yes
Have you ever been sold a product before? Hair tonic, a car, bathroom tile? I can guarantee you that the salesperson didn’t pitch you by saying, “Um, excuse me… I hate to bother you… would you be interested in… I mean, probably not, but—” No! Any salesman worth his commission is not just selling confidence in his product, but confidence in himself. “Confidence says I’m bright, I’m likeable, women have liked me in the past, I’m comfortable in my own skin,” says Victor, 38, a real estate broker. “Since she has to make a decision on the spot, confidence through nonverbal communication makes the best impression.” You can even “fake it ’til you make it” through these two very simple means: Smile and maintain eye contact. And remember: If you don’t know that you’re worth talking to, how would she know?
Lesson #2: It’s not about you
I’m out at a big Hollywood scene with beautiful people. It’s getting late, towards the end of the night, and I ask my buddy Terrance which woman he’s got his eye on. He points to an attractive brunette talking to a cute blonde across the courtyard. Slightly bemused, I tell him that I will make the introduction. As I stride over, I rationalize that if my approach doesn’t go well, she’s not really rejecting me, but rather, Terrance. I know this isn’t true, but it gets me going.
I arrive while the women are in mid-conversation. I say nothing for a few seconds and when they both look at me, I chime in: “You guys just keep talking. I’ll interrupt when I’ve got something interesting to contribute.” And that was it. It wasn’t a line. It wasn’t planned. It just happened. After three minutes, Terrance came over, I made the introductions, and we both got phone numbers. The moral of the story? Playing my little conversational trick in all pick-up situations can be really helpful. Just ask any married friend how easy it is to talk with women when you know that there are no stakes involved. If it’s not about you, you can’t possibly fail.
Lesson #3: There’s power in numbers
Believe it or not, three is better than one. When you approach a woman who is by herself, she knows that you’re hitting on her based solely on your attraction to her. This increases the pressure in a way that doesn’t always make for a comfortable situation. That’s why the safest way to meet a woman is to approach her in a crowd of her friends. Now there’s no pressure, because nobody knows who you’re hitting on, and you can just be the friendly guy who’s chatting with everybody. “If you’re charming, funny or bright,” says Charles, 36, “she might find herself interested in you before you’ve expressed interest in her.” This tilts things in your favor, even to the point where you might be in control. “By charming her friends and getting their approval, the one you like will be that much more open when you ask her out,” adds Charles.
Lesson #4: It’s just that easy
If you ever doubt how simple it can be to meet a woman, this story should inspire you: I was at a party with some close friends and saw an acquaintance across the room. Late 30s, attractive, friendly, likeable. We’d met probably four times before through a mutual friend who was also at the party. When our eyes met, I smiled at her. She smiled back. Because it was a large and crowded room, I put out my index finger and beckoned her to come over to me. She sort of did a double take, smiled even more broadly and came right over.
“Hi,” I said, warmly.
“Hi,” she said, blankly. Then it hit me.
“You have no idea who I am,” I said.
“None whatsoever,” she replied.
“It’s Evan. Evan Katz.”
“Oh, yes — we’ve met! You cut your hair. I didn’t even recognize you.” She gave me a hug. But I had one more important question to ask her before we continued talking.
“Is it really that easy to get a woman to talk to you… just by calling her over with your finger?”
She took a second to consider the evidence and replied, “Apparently, it is.”
So there you have it. We men have more power than we even realized.
Lesson #5: The outcome doesn’t matter
Maybe you’re not her type. Maybe she’s just out of a relationship. Maybe she’s having troubles at work. Maybe she’s not perceptive enough to recognize your worth. You never know why someone may not be interested in you. Truthfully, it doesn’t matter. It’s more diminishing to your self-esteem to let fear run your life than it is to get rejected. Here’s one story below that showcases this in a big way.
So I was in the checkout line at the grocery store, and I was waiting for a woman with 400 coupons. In the meantime, I was talking to the tall, raven-haired cutie behind me. We were making jokes, laughing, passing the time. All in all, a very pleasant five minutes of my life. The coupon lady finished up. I paid for my stuff, said goodbye to my new friend and rolled my cart out the door.
The second I hit the fresh air, I was kicking myself: Dummy! Why didn’t you ask for her phone number? Because I got all embarrassed what with the other people in line and the woman swiping my bar codes. Because of all the other reasons that nice guys wimp out. I decided that this would not do. I was going to wait until she came out of the supermarket and ask her out. And that’s what I did.
“Hey, it was a lot of fun meeting you in there,” I said to her as she emerged with her bags. “I was wondering if you’d like to grab lunch sometime.”
A big smile came across her face. “You are so cute and I couldn’t be more flattered, but I have a serious, live-in boyfriend. But I really want to thank you for asking. You totally made my day.” After she said goodbye, I went home, walking on air, so happy that I did it, instead of wishing I did it, like so many times before. It didn’t matter if she had a boyfriend or if she was lying or being polite or whatever — all that mattered was that I took a big swing at the plate and even didn’t hurt myself in the process.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
How to Speak Any Language Like a Native
1. Realize that it is possible to speak like a native. Geneviève Bujold, Gael Garcia Bernal, Charlize Theron, and Famke Janssen are all non-native English-speaking thespians that play convincing roles as Americans. Also, American actress Jodie Foster can play a credible French woman in A Very Long Engagement. Think that this is limited to European languages? Tell that to Anglo-Canadian Mark Rowswell, who not only mastered sounding like a Chinese native but is so adept at Mandarin that he can give outstanding comedic performances! If learning to speak like a native in a foreign language were not possible, then no country would have sleeper agents and spies from foreign lands that would be able to integrate into the society without being found out. Sure, these people have professional voice coaches or, in Foster's case, are adept at languages and attended special language immersion schools. However, the point is that this is not out of your reach.
2. Become fluent in the language. Sure, you could fake being a native with just a view phrases and the right pronunciation, stresses, and correct word choice... but for how long? My guess is about one minute, tops. If you are going to put in the time to try and sound like a native speaker of any language, then you should just go all the way and become fluent in the language. Of course, this is a whole new subject and one that is much easier (since we hear people all around us with heavy accents that speak fluent languages, this goal must be easier to obtain).
3. Interact with native speakers. There is no way of getting around this. You must come in contact with native speakers of the dialect you are trying to learn. Listen to web radio, watch movies and sitcom/soap opera episodes, and talk to people via messaging programs or other language exchange online communities to get critiques and examples of how people specifically speak the way you want.
4. Imitate the target dialect stereotypes. I know this is a risqué topic to breach. It is rude and politically incorrect to make fun of foreign people. However, using the stereotypic ways of how we imitate foreign people is a great starting tool. Of course, you need to be courteous and realize that accents are exaggerated when used in a derogatory way. Therefore, you must "tone-down" the speaking style and you must exercise utmost respect. Sometimes our imitations are so warped to the reality of the language that you will look and sound like a fool, but this where the guidance of a native speaker is so important.
5. Become adept at the subtleties of the target dialect that distinguishes it from other dialects of the same language. Canadians, Americans, Australians, Irish, South Africans, and Kiwis all sound different when they speak English. You must seek out the differences in vocabulary, cadence, and pronunciation between dialects of your target language in order to master speaking a specific dialect. If your goal is to sound like any native of that target language, the most practical goal should be to speak the most widely accept "Standard" form of the language. For instance, "High German", "Beijing Standard Mandarin", and "Egyptian Standard Arabic" all fall into this category.
6. Don't forget to learn customs, non-verbal gestures, and idio-synchronicities of the people that speak the dialect that you wish to adapt your language skills to. If you speak a language as though someone should understand you and you are not aware of the customs, you are automatically seen as a foreigner. It is best to research these small details before fully attempting to pass off as a native language speaker of any language.
7. Fake it until you make it. Sure it's a cliché, but in this particular instance, you must act as if this is natural to you and have confidence or you will always be found out.
8. Practice, Practice, Practice. This isn't going to happen overnight, you are going to make mistakes. However, learning from your mistakes is the best teacher that you have in language learning. Use language chat rooms, IM programs, and internet radios to stay inundated in the language dialect. Of course, it also helps to befriend local neighbors that may speak the specific language and dialect that you wish to learn. If they speak the language but not the specific dialect, they should be able to help you with the general differences to at least improve toward that dialect.
9.Optional: Seek professional help. There are voice coaches both online and in brick and mortar institutes, that are dedicated to making enthusiastic learners sound as authentic in a language as possible. If you have the resources, it may be worth the investment to get this personal coaching.
By Greg Cherryholmes.
Tips & Warnings
Practice every day just after waking and right before you go to bed.
Do not multi-task if you are talking to native speakers online, this is rude and negatively affects your language learning abilities.
Being rude , using foul language, and making fun of indigenous people in the language dialect is a guaranteed way to get labeled as an outsider or something worse.
2. Become fluent in the language. Sure, you could fake being a native with just a view phrases and the right pronunciation, stresses, and correct word choice... but for how long? My guess is about one minute, tops. If you are going to put in the time to try and sound like a native speaker of any language, then you should just go all the way and become fluent in the language. Of course, this is a whole new subject and one that is much easier (since we hear people all around us with heavy accents that speak fluent languages, this goal must be easier to obtain).
3. Interact with native speakers. There is no way of getting around this. You must come in contact with native speakers of the dialect you are trying to learn. Listen to web radio, watch movies and sitcom/soap opera episodes, and talk to people via messaging programs or other language exchange online communities to get critiques and examples of how people specifically speak the way you want.
4. Imitate the target dialect stereotypes. I know this is a risqué topic to breach. It is rude and politically incorrect to make fun of foreign people. However, using the stereotypic ways of how we imitate foreign people is a great starting tool. Of course, you need to be courteous and realize that accents are exaggerated when used in a derogatory way. Therefore, you must "tone-down" the speaking style and you must exercise utmost respect. Sometimes our imitations are so warped to the reality of the language that you will look and sound like a fool, but this where the guidance of a native speaker is so important.
5. Become adept at the subtleties of the target dialect that distinguishes it from other dialects of the same language. Canadians, Americans, Australians, Irish, South Africans, and Kiwis all sound different when they speak English. You must seek out the differences in vocabulary, cadence, and pronunciation between dialects of your target language in order to master speaking a specific dialect. If your goal is to sound like any native of that target language, the most practical goal should be to speak the most widely accept "Standard" form of the language. For instance, "High German", "Beijing Standard Mandarin", and "Egyptian Standard Arabic" all fall into this category.
6. Don't forget to learn customs, non-verbal gestures, and idio-synchronicities of the people that speak the dialect that you wish to adapt your language skills to. If you speak a language as though someone should understand you and you are not aware of the customs, you are automatically seen as a foreigner. It is best to research these small details before fully attempting to pass off as a native language speaker of any language.
7. Fake it until you make it. Sure it's a cliché, but in this particular instance, you must act as if this is natural to you and have confidence or you will always be found out.
8. Practice, Practice, Practice. This isn't going to happen overnight, you are going to make mistakes. However, learning from your mistakes is the best teacher that you have in language learning. Use language chat rooms, IM programs, and internet radios to stay inundated in the language dialect. Of course, it also helps to befriend local neighbors that may speak the specific language and dialect that you wish to learn. If they speak the language but not the specific dialect, they should be able to help you with the general differences to at least improve toward that dialect.
9.Optional: Seek professional help. There are voice coaches both online and in brick and mortar institutes, that are dedicated to making enthusiastic learners sound as authentic in a language as possible. If you have the resources, it may be worth the investment to get this personal coaching.
By Greg Cherryholmes.
Tips & Warnings
Practice every day just after waking and right before you go to bed.
Do not multi-task if you are talking to native speakers online, this is rude and negatively affects your language learning abilities.
Being rude , using foul language, and making fun of indigenous people in the language dialect is a guaranteed way to get labeled as an outsider or something worse.
Friday, September 3, 2010
10 Tricks for Improving Your Memory
We’ve talked to the experts and compiled the latest thinking on improving the muscles in your brain associated with memory.
1. Talk with your hands.
It may sound strange, but waving your hands and gesturing while trying to learn a concept may help your brain remember something important, says Jeff Brown, PsyD, ABPP, coauthor of The Winner’s Brain. "Gesturing in a meaningful way while you are learning may help you when recalling the concept,” he says. “The idea is that you are storing at least two different types of information about something you'll need to recall later. A good example of this is when kids speak math problems aloud, but also 'work them' in the air.” Tactics to try: When you’ve just learned someone’s name, “write” it down on the palm of your hand with your finger. The act of tracing the letters on your palm (discreetly, of course) can help your brain remember it, says Dr. Brown. Or, “Air-write on an imaginary map of your grocery store or mall as you name aloud the items or stores you need to remember when shopping.”
2. Take a chill pill.
Learning to calm down and not carry as much stress can help your brain in significant ways, says Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, PT, a psychologist and physical therapist in Wexford, Pennsylvania, and the author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. “The best tip to improve your memory is: Reduce your stress,” says Dr. Lombardo. “Research shows that when people experience chronic stress, their hippocampus—the part of your brain that is responsible for some memories—literally shrinks in size.” In fact, a 2007 study in the journal Neurology by researchers at Rush University Medical School found that people who are easily distressed and had more negative emotions were more likely to develop memory problems than more easygoing people. How to reduce your stress? Consider delegating more tasks at work, clearing your social calendar for the weekend (there’s nothing wrong with having nothing on the calendar!) and purging negative relationships from your life.
3. Get plenty of zzz’s.
You’ve heard the concept of “sleeping on it” when you’re faced with a problem or difficult decision, right? Well, getting a good night’s sleep can help you improve your memory, too. "Sleep is critical for memory consolidation,” says Dr. Brown. “Getting at least six hours of uninterrupted sleep following exposure to new information can help in the recall of that information.” But there’s an important side note: “The trick is going directly to bed without inserting any new information or activity between what you want to recall and going to sleep—no reading, no TV, no sex, no music."
4. Eat more fruits and veggies.
Eating your spinach—and carrots and peas—is not only good for your body, it’s good for your memory, too. A recent Harvard study found that people who ate more vegetables had a slower decline of brain function as they aged. “Other studies, such as one published in Pharmacology, have shown that essential brain-boosting nutrients found in certain produce, such as quercetin and anthocyanin, may reverse memory loss,” says Tosca Reno, a health and fitness expert and author of the bestselling book The Eat-Clean Diet. You can find these compounds in cruciferous vegetables, such as Brussels sprouts, broccoli and cabbage, as well as in leafy greens, including kale, spinach and Swiss chard. Also load up on brightly colored produce such as berries, red apples, eggplant and grapes—their bright hue is an indication of their brain-boosting antioxidants.
5. Join a book club.
Not only is reading great for your brain, but discussing what you’ve read can improve your memory by leaps and bounds, says Sandra Bond Chapman, PhD. In fact, a book club with your closest girlfriends may help strengthen your brain’s frontal lobe function. “The frontal lobe is the last region of the brain to develop, but the first to decline with age,” explains Dr. Chapman. “To strengthen function of the frontal lobe, engage in deeper-level thinking activities such as interpreting what you read in a book, discussing the ‘larger messages’ in the book and pushing to see how many meanings you can derive from it.”
6. Go to yoga class.
What can a downward-facing-dog pose do for your memory? A lot, says Gina Norman, a yoga teacher in New York City. “A new study out of the University of North Carolina shows that brief meditative exercise helps cognition and skills essential to critical thinking,” she says. But if you’re not into yoga, exercise of any kind works to boost your brain, says Dr. Lombardo. “Research shows that exercise increases the blood flow to all areas of your body, including the brain and specifically areas involved in memory,” she says. “One study found that mice who exercised grew new brain cells in the dentate gyrus, a part of the hippocampus which can be affected by declines in memory as we get older.” Short on time? “Try running up a flight of stairs, jogging to a bathroom that is farther away from you, doing 50 jumping jacks, putting on a great song and dancing around, or grabbing your child’s hand and jumping on the bed together.”
7. Sniff some rosemary.
Parsley and sage are great, as is thyme, but when it comes to improving memory, rosemary is king. In a recent study, UK researchers looked at scents and how they boosted or detracted from mental performance. They found that office workers whose cubicles were infused with the scent of rosemary had better long-term memory than those in unscented cubes. “There are other essential oils that can help with memory, but rosemary is by far the best and most economical,” says Cher Core, an aromatherapist in Boston. “Diffuse rosemary essential oil in the air, wear it in a perfume, use it in mists and more. It is a good choice for those studying and folks who need help with memory, focus and concentration.”
8. Pay attention.
Duh, right? It may sound obvious, but according to experts, when most people think they’re having memory problems, it’s really because they were distracted or didn’t record the information in their brain properly to begin with, says Linda Edelstein, PhD, adjunct faculty at Northwestern University and the author of The Art of Midlife. “When people cannot retrieve information it is often because they haven't taken it in in the first place,” she says. “You cannot recall information that you did not store.” The number-one trick to paying closer attention? Stop multitasking and be fully present. That means setting down the BlackBerry while lunching with your friend, turning off the TV when you’re trying to read something and not letting your eyes—or mind—wander when chatting with someone at a party. You’ll be more likely to remember the person’s name.
9. Learn a new song.
Have you ever found yourself singing along to a song you love that debuted 10 years ago, and yet you still don’t know the lyrics? Learning the words could be fun, but it could also be good for your memory in general. By memorizing a song, “you will be working out at least two different kinds of memory, auditory and verbal, which is probably something you don't do very often,” says Cynthia Green, PhD, an expert on brain health and memory. “The research suggests that constantly challenging our brains with intellectual pursuits may boost our ‘cognitive reserve’ and can have the associated benefit of reducing our dementia risk over the long-term.”
10. Go ahead and doodle.
When’s the last time you grabbed a pencil and paper and let your mind go—drawing hearts and rainbows, or whatever scene or object popped into your head? Surprisingly, says Dr. Green, a free-flowing pen could be the key to strengthening your brain’s memory centers. “Doodling has been found in studies to boost concentration, which is an essential first step to learning and memory,” says Dr. Green. “After all, if you can't focus on information, you don't acquire it effectively, and you can never remember something you don't learn in the first place!”
1. Talk with your hands.
It may sound strange, but waving your hands and gesturing while trying to learn a concept may help your brain remember something important, says Jeff Brown, PsyD, ABPP, coauthor of The Winner’s Brain. "Gesturing in a meaningful way while you are learning may help you when recalling the concept,” he says. “The idea is that you are storing at least two different types of information about something you'll need to recall later. A good example of this is when kids speak math problems aloud, but also 'work them' in the air.” Tactics to try: When you’ve just learned someone’s name, “write” it down on the palm of your hand with your finger. The act of tracing the letters on your palm (discreetly, of course) can help your brain remember it, says Dr. Brown. Or, “Air-write on an imaginary map of your grocery store or mall as you name aloud the items or stores you need to remember when shopping.”
2. Take a chill pill.
Learning to calm down and not carry as much stress can help your brain in significant ways, says Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, PT, a psychologist and physical therapist in Wexford, Pennsylvania, and the author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. “The best tip to improve your memory is: Reduce your stress,” says Dr. Lombardo. “Research shows that when people experience chronic stress, their hippocampus—the part of your brain that is responsible for some memories—literally shrinks in size.” In fact, a 2007 study in the journal Neurology by researchers at Rush University Medical School found that people who are easily distressed and had more negative emotions were more likely to develop memory problems than more easygoing people. How to reduce your stress? Consider delegating more tasks at work, clearing your social calendar for the weekend (there’s nothing wrong with having nothing on the calendar!) and purging negative relationships from your life.
3. Get plenty of zzz’s.
You’ve heard the concept of “sleeping on it” when you’re faced with a problem or difficult decision, right? Well, getting a good night’s sleep can help you improve your memory, too. "Sleep is critical for memory consolidation,” says Dr. Brown. “Getting at least six hours of uninterrupted sleep following exposure to new information can help in the recall of that information.” But there’s an important side note: “The trick is going directly to bed without inserting any new information or activity between what you want to recall and going to sleep—no reading, no TV, no sex, no music."
4. Eat more fruits and veggies.
Eating your spinach—and carrots and peas—is not only good for your body, it’s good for your memory, too. A recent Harvard study found that people who ate more vegetables had a slower decline of brain function as they aged. “Other studies, such as one published in Pharmacology, have shown that essential brain-boosting nutrients found in certain produce, such as quercetin and anthocyanin, may reverse memory loss,” says Tosca Reno, a health and fitness expert and author of the bestselling book The Eat-Clean Diet. You can find these compounds in cruciferous vegetables, such as Brussels sprouts, broccoli and cabbage, as well as in leafy greens, including kale, spinach and Swiss chard. Also load up on brightly colored produce such as berries, red apples, eggplant and grapes—their bright hue is an indication of their brain-boosting antioxidants.
5. Join a book club.
Not only is reading great for your brain, but discussing what you’ve read can improve your memory by leaps and bounds, says Sandra Bond Chapman, PhD. In fact, a book club with your closest girlfriends may help strengthen your brain’s frontal lobe function. “The frontal lobe is the last region of the brain to develop, but the first to decline with age,” explains Dr. Chapman. “To strengthen function of the frontal lobe, engage in deeper-level thinking activities such as interpreting what you read in a book, discussing the ‘larger messages’ in the book and pushing to see how many meanings you can derive from it.”
6. Go to yoga class.
What can a downward-facing-dog pose do for your memory? A lot, says Gina Norman, a yoga teacher in New York City. “A new study out of the University of North Carolina shows that brief meditative exercise helps cognition and skills essential to critical thinking,” she says. But if you’re not into yoga, exercise of any kind works to boost your brain, says Dr. Lombardo. “Research shows that exercise increases the blood flow to all areas of your body, including the brain and specifically areas involved in memory,” she says. “One study found that mice who exercised grew new brain cells in the dentate gyrus, a part of the hippocampus which can be affected by declines in memory as we get older.” Short on time? “Try running up a flight of stairs, jogging to a bathroom that is farther away from you, doing 50 jumping jacks, putting on a great song and dancing around, or grabbing your child’s hand and jumping on the bed together.”
7. Sniff some rosemary.
Parsley and sage are great, as is thyme, but when it comes to improving memory, rosemary is king. In a recent study, UK researchers looked at scents and how they boosted or detracted from mental performance. They found that office workers whose cubicles were infused with the scent of rosemary had better long-term memory than those in unscented cubes. “There are other essential oils that can help with memory, but rosemary is by far the best and most economical,” says Cher Core, an aromatherapist in Boston. “Diffuse rosemary essential oil in the air, wear it in a perfume, use it in mists and more. It is a good choice for those studying and folks who need help with memory, focus and concentration.”
8. Pay attention.
Duh, right? It may sound obvious, but according to experts, when most people think they’re having memory problems, it’s really because they were distracted or didn’t record the information in their brain properly to begin with, says Linda Edelstein, PhD, adjunct faculty at Northwestern University and the author of The Art of Midlife. “When people cannot retrieve information it is often because they haven't taken it in in the first place,” she says. “You cannot recall information that you did not store.” The number-one trick to paying closer attention? Stop multitasking and be fully present. That means setting down the BlackBerry while lunching with your friend, turning off the TV when you’re trying to read something and not letting your eyes—or mind—wander when chatting with someone at a party. You’ll be more likely to remember the person’s name.
9. Learn a new song.
Have you ever found yourself singing along to a song you love that debuted 10 years ago, and yet you still don’t know the lyrics? Learning the words could be fun, but it could also be good for your memory in general. By memorizing a song, “you will be working out at least two different kinds of memory, auditory and verbal, which is probably something you don't do very often,” says Cynthia Green, PhD, an expert on brain health and memory. “The research suggests that constantly challenging our brains with intellectual pursuits may boost our ‘cognitive reserve’ and can have the associated benefit of reducing our dementia risk over the long-term.”
10. Go ahead and doodle.
When’s the last time you grabbed a pencil and paper and let your mind go—drawing hearts and rainbows, or whatever scene or object popped into your head? Surprisingly, says Dr. Green, a free-flowing pen could be the key to strengthening your brain’s memory centers. “Doodling has been found in studies to boost concentration, which is an essential first step to learning and memory,” says Dr. Green. “After all, if you can't focus on information, you don't acquire it effectively, and you can never remember something you don't learn in the first place!”
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Flirt!!!
If the simple sea bass can act cute in order to further a romantic agenda, you can, too — so give it a go!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Testosterone
This article was inspired by a book I read called "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Danny Glover.
It seems American society is being flooded with nice guys. Every women reading this article knows EXACTLY what a nice guy is. There’s no need to pull out Websters here. In addition to that, every woman reading this knows AT LEAST one nice guy in her social circle.
For the men reading this, chances are if you are an American male, you have a very strong possibility of being a nice guy. Here’s the litmus test you can use in order to determine if you are one.
Do you constantly seek approval from women? Do you try to “buy” love from women with fancy dinners and gifts? Do women that you like tell you you’re like a brother to them? (that’s the kiss of death btw) When you ask women out, do they reply “Let’s just be friends.”? Do you think it’s bad to be male?
If you find yourself nodding along to these questions, I’m sorry to be the one to point out to you that you are a 100% Certified Grade A Nice Guy with all the trimmings, but don’t despair, there is hope.
A lot of theories have been tossed around regarding why women don’t go for the nice guys.
“They’re not a challenge.” “They’re too boring.” “There’s no excitement.” “They’re too easy to get.” “They’re pushovers.”
These to me, are the superficial reasons why women don’t go for nice guys. We need to dig a bit deeper.
What’s the root reason why nice guys can’t get the girls?
In my opinion, there are actually two root reasons.
1. They don’t embrace their masculinity. 2. They put women on a pedestal.
1. They don’t embrace their masculinity.
The book I mentioned lists several reasons as to why men of this generation have become nice guys. One reason that really struck me was radical feminism. Glover stated that radical feminism led to a social climate that was extremely hostile toward men.
“All men are pigs.” “Men are the cause of all the problems in the world.” “Men are rapists.” “All men are good for nothing animals who treat women like pieces of meat.”
Therefore, boys concluded that women did not like men, so they strived to hide their masculinity. After all, men were pigs right? And women don’t like that right? So don’t be a man, and you won’t be a pig and women will like that right? Twisted reasoning indeed.
The result?
Women all over America becoming extremely frustrated with the lack of real men today. Radical feminism has tasted the fruits of its labor and it is very bitter.
Don’t mess with nature. If you’re male, be male. If you’re female, be female. Don’t hide it. Embrace it.
Get the notion of “It’s bad to be male” out of your head right this second.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being male.
Just like there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being female, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being male.
Embrace your masculinity. Do not be ashamed of it.
2. They put women on a pedestal.
The book also states that because of a shift from an agrarian to a manufacturing society in America, as well as several wars in between, boys were left without fathers at home.
Furthermore, the educational system was primarily comprised of females.
With the absence of male influence at home and at school, boys were conditioned to look to women for definition and approval. This habit carries on to adulthood in the form of guys seeking approval from women.
Nice guys see women they like and automatically put them on a pedestal, wondering what they can do to gain their approval. Maybe write them a 10 page love letter, or make them a mix tape, or shower them with expensive gifts, all in a vain attempt to gain her approval and win her love.
They do all this in the beginning of a relationship, hence having the quality of “coming on too strong, being too eager and not being enough of a challenge.” By doing these things from the very beginning, men silently imply that they are not good enough and must resort to other tactics to deem themselves worthy of women.
Nice guys see women and think, “Man, I have to do something in order to get that girl. They’re way up there and I’m way down here so I have to compensate somehow”.
As a result, nice guys spend their every waking moment, dreaming of how they can get the girl. They spend all their free time around the girl, going shopping with her, listening to all her complaints, sympathizing with the problems she is having with her boyfriend, all in a vain attempt to gain her approval in hopes that one day she will come racing into his arms.
Women are human. They eat, breath, sleep, and go to the bathroom on a regular basis just like the rest of us. Women are not goddesses. They have the same insecurities (if not more) as you and I. There’s nothing different about them. They're human.
Don’t think that you have to gain approval from them.
All right, so how can you stop being a nice guy?
Don’t be afraid to be male. Embrace your masculinity.
But what does it mean to embrace your masculinity? What does it mean to be male?
Let’s break down attraction to the most basic elements.
Male and female.
Males are attracted to females.
Females are attracted to males.
Biologically speaking, what makes somebody male?
Testosterone.
Biologically speaking, what makes somebody female?
Estrogen.
Testosterone is attracted to estrogen.
Estrogen is attracted to testosterone.
Ever wonder why the jocks got the girls in high school? They worked out and played in competitive sports; two things conducive to promoting testosterone in the body.
Ever wonder why “bad boys” and criminals get the women? They're risk takers. They pay no attention to law. They're reckless and dangerous. Again, symptoms of high testosterone.
Research has linked high testosterone to criminal behavior. Research has linked competition and weight lifting to high testosterone as well.
Testosterone: Hormone of the Gods?
Women are attracted to the jocks and bad boys simply because they are male in the sense that they have high testosterone.
Is the flip side true? Are men attracted to beautiful women simply because they are women in the sense that they have high estrogen?
Yes, studies have shown that men are attracted to women with high estrogen levels as well.
Feminine Beauty Linked to Estrogen Levels A beautiful combination: Researchers link estrogen to looks Hormone levels predict attractiveness of women
(Btw, you will find women use make up as well in order to give the illusion of the physical characteristics of high estrogen in order to attract males)
There’s a deeper science that goes into this about how high levels of testosterone and estrogen reflect underlying health and fertility, but I won’t get into that.
Strictly speaking in biological terms, testosterone makes the man and estrogen makes the women.
Is this surprising? No.
Drill down to the basics.
I am male, she is female.
Act accordingly and attraction will not be a problem.
Now, am I advocating that you go and inject yourself with 500 liters of testosterone? Absolutely not. Injecting yourself with synthetic testosterone shuts down your body’s ability to produce it naturally.
I am advocating however, that you engage in activities that will raise your testosterone levels.
Lifting heavy weights on a consistent basis coupled with proper nutrition and rest will raise levels of testosterone in the body. When you lift heavy weights, you literally create little tears in your muscle tissues. Testosterone, an anabolic hormone responsible for muscle growth among many other things, is produced by the body in order to rebuild the muscle to resist against future weight.
So instead of sitting on your butt playing World of Warcraft, Playstation, or X Box, get out there and pick up the weights.
You will find that by building your testosterone, your demeanor toward women and theirs toward you will change. When you lock eyes with a beautiful women, you won’t immediately shift your eyes to the ground and be embarrassed. You’ll lock eye contact with her and be comfortable about it. SHE will be the one who looks away.
You will find that women will start paying more attention to you. It’s as if they’re equipped with incredibly sensitive receptors to testosterone. (studies have shown that women are capable of identifying individuals with high testosterone simply by smelling sweaty t-shirts)
Try a regimen of weightlifting and compare your attitude and results with the opposite sex after a short period of time. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.
If you want more information on building muscle as well as losing fat, two things that are conducive to increasing testosterone in the body, check out Tom Venuto's book Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle.
And don't become so obsessed with testosterone that you start letting it control you, in terms of your behavior and attitude. Then you'll turn into the jerk or the criminal.
The key is to have testosterone and control it. Don't let it control you.
Just be true to your nature.
To illustrate my point even further, imagine a woman with a thick beard, mustache and a deep voice hitting on you at the bar. You would be repulsed right? Of course you would! This woman is not embracing her true nature as a female.
Women are a million times more repulsed because nice guys do exactly the same thing. They don’t embrace their true nature as a male.
If you’re male, be male. If you’re female, be female and let nature take its course.
You don’t need the memorize pick up lines. You don’t need to psych yourself up to meet women. You don’t need to make a ton of money. You don’t need to have a great job. You don’t need the BMW.
You just need to be male. Everything you need is already inside of you.
Use it.
Don’t make women the focal point of your life.
Nice guys revolve their entire lives around the women. Nice guys spend all their time dreaming of all the future possibilities with her. They do all this from the get go. What must I do to get her? I’ll write her poetry. I’ll take her out to the most expensive restaurant and show her how wealthy I am. I’ll buy her favorite pair of shoes that she mentioned in a conversation nine years ago. They'll drop whatever they are doing at a drop of a dime and be at their beck and call 24/7.
All acts reeking of extreme desperation.
What’s the solution? Is it to try not to act desperate?
These are when the “rules of dating” come into play. Call her three days later, act aloof, be a challenge. That’s all utter garbage. That’s all smoke and mirrors.
Don’t try to fake not being desperate by following these “rules”. Just don’t be desperate naturally. How?
Don’t make women the focal point in your life. Have something else going for you. Have a worthy goal or dream you are pursuing that is of higher priority than women.
Have a dream. Have a goal and work toward it. Women will not seem that intimidating anymore. You won’t spend all your time with her. You won’t become “too easy” or “boring” because you’ve got something else going for you.
Instead of using all your time, money, and energy pursing women, use all that to accomplish your own goals. Napoleon Hill refers to this as sexual transmutation. Channel all that energy into fulfilling your own goals and you will find yourself unstoppable. Go on your own program of self improvement. Nice guys place their worthiness and happiness on getting the girl. Instead of doing that, make your own life happy and worthwhile by pursuing your own goals and ambitions. Then, she’ll be the one asking, “What can I do to get him?"
So nice guys, don’t feel so bad. Society is structured to easily make nice guys of any male but the key is not to blame society and if you're a frusterated nice guy, the key is not to blame women in general. It’s just to become aware that the common factor is YOU and that you change by embracing your right to be male.
Embrace your masculinity, take women off the pedestal, and don’t make women the focus of your life. Harness all that time, money, and energy and apply it toward realizing your own goals and dreams and the nice guy within will never appear ever again.
By Brian Kim.
It seems American society is being flooded with nice guys. Every women reading this article knows EXACTLY what a nice guy is. There’s no need to pull out Websters here. In addition to that, every woman reading this knows AT LEAST one nice guy in her social circle.
For the men reading this, chances are if you are an American male, you have a very strong possibility of being a nice guy. Here’s the litmus test you can use in order to determine if you are one.
Do you constantly seek approval from women? Do you try to “buy” love from women with fancy dinners and gifts? Do women that you like tell you you’re like a brother to them? (that’s the kiss of death btw) When you ask women out, do they reply “Let’s just be friends.”? Do you think it’s bad to be male?
If you find yourself nodding along to these questions, I’m sorry to be the one to point out to you that you are a 100% Certified Grade A Nice Guy with all the trimmings, but don’t despair, there is hope.
A lot of theories have been tossed around regarding why women don’t go for the nice guys.
“They’re not a challenge.” “They’re too boring.” “There’s no excitement.” “They’re too easy to get.” “They’re pushovers.”
These to me, are the superficial reasons why women don’t go for nice guys. We need to dig a bit deeper.
What’s the root reason why nice guys can’t get the girls?
In my opinion, there are actually two root reasons.
1. They don’t embrace their masculinity. 2. They put women on a pedestal.
1. They don’t embrace their masculinity.
The book I mentioned lists several reasons as to why men of this generation have become nice guys. One reason that really struck me was radical feminism. Glover stated that radical feminism led to a social climate that was extremely hostile toward men.
“All men are pigs.” “Men are the cause of all the problems in the world.” “Men are rapists.” “All men are good for nothing animals who treat women like pieces of meat.”
Therefore, boys concluded that women did not like men, so they strived to hide their masculinity. After all, men were pigs right? And women don’t like that right? So don’t be a man, and you won’t be a pig and women will like that right? Twisted reasoning indeed.
The result?
Women all over America becoming extremely frustrated with the lack of real men today. Radical feminism has tasted the fruits of its labor and it is very bitter.
Don’t mess with nature. If you’re male, be male. If you’re female, be female. Don’t hide it. Embrace it.
Get the notion of “It’s bad to be male” out of your head right this second.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being male.
Just like there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being female, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being male.
Embrace your masculinity. Do not be ashamed of it.
2. They put women on a pedestal.
The book also states that because of a shift from an agrarian to a manufacturing society in America, as well as several wars in between, boys were left without fathers at home.
Furthermore, the educational system was primarily comprised of females.
With the absence of male influence at home and at school, boys were conditioned to look to women for definition and approval. This habit carries on to adulthood in the form of guys seeking approval from women.
Nice guys see women they like and automatically put them on a pedestal, wondering what they can do to gain their approval. Maybe write them a 10 page love letter, or make them a mix tape, or shower them with expensive gifts, all in a vain attempt to gain her approval and win her love.
They do all this in the beginning of a relationship, hence having the quality of “coming on too strong, being too eager and not being enough of a challenge.” By doing these things from the very beginning, men silently imply that they are not good enough and must resort to other tactics to deem themselves worthy of women.
Nice guys see women and think, “Man, I have to do something in order to get that girl. They’re way up there and I’m way down here so I have to compensate somehow”.
As a result, nice guys spend their every waking moment, dreaming of how they can get the girl. They spend all their free time around the girl, going shopping with her, listening to all her complaints, sympathizing with the problems she is having with her boyfriend, all in a vain attempt to gain her approval in hopes that one day she will come racing into his arms.
Women are human. They eat, breath, sleep, and go to the bathroom on a regular basis just like the rest of us. Women are not goddesses. They have the same insecurities (if not more) as you and I. There’s nothing different about them. They're human.
Don’t think that you have to gain approval from them.
All right, so how can you stop being a nice guy?
Don’t be afraid to be male. Embrace your masculinity.
But what does it mean to embrace your masculinity? What does it mean to be male?
Let’s break down attraction to the most basic elements.
Male and female.
Males are attracted to females.
Females are attracted to males.
Biologically speaking, what makes somebody male?
Testosterone.
Biologically speaking, what makes somebody female?
Estrogen.
Testosterone is attracted to estrogen.
Estrogen is attracted to testosterone.
Ever wonder why the jocks got the girls in high school? They worked out and played in competitive sports; two things conducive to promoting testosterone in the body.
Ever wonder why “bad boys” and criminals get the women? They're risk takers. They pay no attention to law. They're reckless and dangerous. Again, symptoms of high testosterone.
Research has linked high testosterone to criminal behavior. Research has linked competition and weight lifting to high testosterone as well.
Testosterone: Hormone of the Gods?
Women are attracted to the jocks and bad boys simply because they are male in the sense that they have high testosterone.
Is the flip side true? Are men attracted to beautiful women simply because they are women in the sense that they have high estrogen?
Yes, studies have shown that men are attracted to women with high estrogen levels as well.
Feminine Beauty Linked to Estrogen Levels A beautiful combination: Researchers link estrogen to looks Hormone levels predict attractiveness of women
(Btw, you will find women use make up as well in order to give the illusion of the physical characteristics of high estrogen in order to attract males)
There’s a deeper science that goes into this about how high levels of testosterone and estrogen reflect underlying health and fertility, but I won’t get into that.
Strictly speaking in biological terms, testosterone makes the man and estrogen makes the women.
Is this surprising? No.
Drill down to the basics.
I am male, she is female.
Act accordingly and attraction will not be a problem.
Now, am I advocating that you go and inject yourself with 500 liters of testosterone? Absolutely not. Injecting yourself with synthetic testosterone shuts down your body’s ability to produce it naturally.
I am advocating however, that you engage in activities that will raise your testosterone levels.
Lifting heavy weights on a consistent basis coupled with proper nutrition and rest will raise levels of testosterone in the body. When you lift heavy weights, you literally create little tears in your muscle tissues. Testosterone, an anabolic hormone responsible for muscle growth among many other things, is produced by the body in order to rebuild the muscle to resist against future weight.
So instead of sitting on your butt playing World of Warcraft, Playstation, or X Box, get out there and pick up the weights.
You will find that by building your testosterone, your demeanor toward women and theirs toward you will change. When you lock eyes with a beautiful women, you won’t immediately shift your eyes to the ground and be embarrassed. You’ll lock eye contact with her and be comfortable about it. SHE will be the one who looks away.
You will find that women will start paying more attention to you. It’s as if they’re equipped with incredibly sensitive receptors to testosterone. (studies have shown that women are capable of identifying individuals with high testosterone simply by smelling sweaty t-shirts)
Try a regimen of weightlifting and compare your attitude and results with the opposite sex after a short period of time. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.
If you want more information on building muscle as well as losing fat, two things that are conducive to increasing testosterone in the body, check out Tom Venuto's book Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle.
And don't become so obsessed with testosterone that you start letting it control you, in terms of your behavior and attitude. Then you'll turn into the jerk or the criminal.
The key is to have testosterone and control it. Don't let it control you.
Just be true to your nature.
To illustrate my point even further, imagine a woman with a thick beard, mustache and a deep voice hitting on you at the bar. You would be repulsed right? Of course you would! This woman is not embracing her true nature as a female.
Women are a million times more repulsed because nice guys do exactly the same thing. They don’t embrace their true nature as a male.
If you’re male, be male. If you’re female, be female and let nature take its course.
You don’t need the memorize pick up lines. You don’t need to psych yourself up to meet women. You don’t need to make a ton of money. You don’t need to have a great job. You don’t need the BMW.
You just need to be male. Everything you need is already inside of you.
Use it.
Don’t make women the focal point of your life.
Nice guys revolve their entire lives around the women. Nice guys spend all their time dreaming of all the future possibilities with her. They do all this from the get go. What must I do to get her? I’ll write her poetry. I’ll take her out to the most expensive restaurant and show her how wealthy I am. I’ll buy her favorite pair of shoes that she mentioned in a conversation nine years ago. They'll drop whatever they are doing at a drop of a dime and be at their beck and call 24/7.
All acts reeking of extreme desperation.
What’s the solution? Is it to try not to act desperate?
These are when the “rules of dating” come into play. Call her three days later, act aloof, be a challenge. That’s all utter garbage. That’s all smoke and mirrors.
Don’t try to fake not being desperate by following these “rules”. Just don’t be desperate naturally. How?
Don’t make women the focal point in your life. Have something else going for you. Have a worthy goal or dream you are pursuing that is of higher priority than women.
Have a dream. Have a goal and work toward it. Women will not seem that intimidating anymore. You won’t spend all your time with her. You won’t become “too easy” or “boring” because you’ve got something else going for you.
Instead of using all your time, money, and energy pursing women, use all that to accomplish your own goals. Napoleon Hill refers to this as sexual transmutation. Channel all that energy into fulfilling your own goals and you will find yourself unstoppable. Go on your own program of self improvement. Nice guys place their worthiness and happiness on getting the girl. Instead of doing that, make your own life happy and worthwhile by pursuing your own goals and ambitions. Then, she’ll be the one asking, “What can I do to get him?"
So nice guys, don’t feel so bad. Society is structured to easily make nice guys of any male but the key is not to blame society and if you're a frusterated nice guy, the key is not to blame women in general. It’s just to become aware that the common factor is YOU and that you change by embracing your right to be male.
Embrace your masculinity, take women off the pedestal, and don’t make women the focus of your life. Harness all that time, money, and energy and apply it toward realizing your own goals and dreams and the nice guy within will never appear ever again.
By Brian Kim.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Top 5 Things That Should Be Taught In Every School
I can’t speak for schools outside the United States, but for those readers who went to school in America, I think you’ll agree that the American education system is in sore need of an upgrade. The world is changing at such a rapid pace and it’s my strong opinion that there should be more classes dedicated to helping students prepare and cope with the real world once they graduate.
If you look at this generation of students, you’ll find that most are “shell shocked” once they graduate because they had little or no preparation for what was to come.
High school mostly teaches you to memorize information and to regurgitate it back to your teacher, only to completely erase the information from your mind the moment you walk out after taking the test.
When you go on to college, you do a bit of the same things, but you also learn to think analytically, critically, and to broaden your mind so to speak, but even people who graduate from college will learn lessons from the real world the hard way as well. The sad part is all of this could’ve been prevented with some proper education beforehand.
Below are five things that I firmly believe should be taught in every school in America so that students don’t get railroaded when they enter the real world. If you’re still in school and reading this, consider it your lucky day as mastering these five skills will give you a great head start and help separate you from the rest of the pack as well.
#1. Personal Finance
Every week or so, there always seems to be a new article in CNN, USA Today, or Yahoo about young adults struggling with debt, whether it be from credit cards or loans in general. High interest rates, hidden fees, not consolidating debt – these terms and concepts are mostly unknown to young adults and because of that ignorance, they tend to make big errors in judgment. A prime example is thinking that they just have to pay the minimum on their balance and not realizing that by doing so, they pay 2-3 times as much in the long run.
Alongside that, most young adults don’t have a clue on how to invest their money. They don’t know what a Roth IRA account is, or a 401k, or the magic of compound interest, the tax benefits associated with investing in these types of vehicles, etc. There’s a lot of specialized knowledge out there that young adults are not aware of on when it comes to how they can invest their money and as a result, they frivolously spend it away.
Credit score is another big thing. A lot of young adults don’t bother to check up on it to make sure there are no errors with it. Your credit score is your report card in the real world and it comes into play when you’re buying a car, renting your first apartment, and even when you’re getting a job (most employers are now checking credit scores to determine how responsible the candidate is). Protect that at all costs. Learn what drives your credit score down. Learn what drives your credit score up. Check up on it every now and then to ensure nothing is wrong with it.
Even something as basic as creating a simple budget is beyond the grasp of some young adults and it simply amazes me that a lot of people don’t do this and some don’t even know how (you’d be surprised). Figure out your income after taxes, pay yourself FIRST (this is a big one – most people pay the bills and frivolously spend the leftovers until next payday), see what you can cut out if things are tight, look to see where you can bring in more income if you need to do so, etc.
Another important subset regarding personal finance are those “intangible” things, such as learning to differentiate between need and want, delaying the gratification, and having an inner sense of value. These concepts can’t be taught in the classroom but only taught through oneself via self discipline.
We live in a materialistic society where unfortunately, many young people grow up with the “have” then “be” mentality.
If I have _______, then I’ll be ____________.
Blame it on the media, advertising, or the impressionable minds of young people, but you’ll frequently see that a lot of people get stuck in this mentality and as a result, needlessly pile themselves in a mountain of debt.
One thing that I want to point out to students is that you’ll find as you get older, that a lot of people “fake” financial success. Not all, but a pretty big chunk. The neighbor or co-worker you see with the fancy car and nice clothes are most likely knee deep in debt while you’ll find the people with the average car and clothes have little or no debt and a nice big cushion of savings to that as well.
And the ironic and sad part is that most people don’t really care about other people because they’re so busy with themselves, so all that effort to impress others is really all in vain. The inherent danger in trying to accumulate expensive things to feel good about yourself is that you’re telling yourself that you need something outside of yourself to validate you, when everything you need to validate yourself is already within you. Stop looking for anything outside of you because there will always be something new and better to purchase. It’s like a dog chasing its tail. You’ll never catch it. Learn to simplify your life and to be content and grateful for the things you have. Don’t get caught up in the materialistic chase because once you do, it’s hard to get out.
#2. Communicating Effectively
By this, I’m not necessarily talking about giving speeches and presentations, although that certainly falls in this category. I'm mainly talking about being able to clearly take what’s in your head and to put it into words so the other person clearly understands what you’re saying the first time.
I know that sounds simple, but I’m sure you’ve met people in the workplace who don’t take the time to prepare when they speak with you and as a result, waste your time talking in circles when all you want to say to them is: “Can you take some time to think through what you want to say and come back to me later with that?”
Communicating effectively is one of the most underrated, yet most powerful skills you can develop.
The biggest part in communicating effectively is preparing what you want to say beforehand. Keep it simple. What’s my point? Why? Prepare a good example.
Your best friend in communicating effectively are these two words: “For example”. Whenever you see a confused look on people’s faces, your best response is leading with those two words: For example. When you do that AND follow up with a relevant example, it allows the other person to “frame” what you’re talking about to get a better idea of what it is.
Communicating effectively is one of THE MOST underrated and MOST valuable skills a person can have. And let me tell you on a personal level, there’s nothing more refreshing than dealing with people who take the time to prepare what they have to say and back it up with clear examples. It’s a very rare skill nowadays.
#3. Social Skills
Closely related to communicating effectively are social skills in general. After you graduate, you’re not going to be dealing with your high school or frat buddies anymore.
You’ll be dealing with many people from different backgrounds, countries, and more importantly different age groups, so it would be wise to learn how to socialize outside your own group.
Cut the slang. Learn to respect customs from other countries. Learn how to listen – few people do. Learn when to speak and when NOT to.
Build rapport. Learn the art of networking – that’s key. Networking is a big skill that’s not taught enough in schools. Learn to compliment. Mingle. Make small talk.
Learn to approach people – that’s another big skill. Most people don’t have the guts to take the first initiative and introduce themselves. Be the big man. Take the first step. Learn to make the other person feel good and important. Dale Carnegie is your best friend in this area (Google his name if you don’t know what I’m talking about)
#4. Sales
Obviously I’m not advocating people becoming a salesman after school, but learning the art of selling is what I’m advocating. If you think about it, we all sell everyday. We sell ideas to our boss. We sell to our friends when we pitch ideas on what to do this weekend. We sell ourselves in job interviews. You could say that sales is a great combination of social skills and communicating effectively, but with some other components you should pick up that will be useful.
Listen. Really listen. Actively listen. Learn how to be convincing. Be persuasive. Think of objections and counter them ahead of time. Stress benefits instead of features. Listen to the other person. (yes I know it's a repeat, but it's for emphasis) Develop empathy. Think in terms of how you can help serve the other person.
Selling is one of the few skills that can be utilized in any job or career. It’s one of the most important cross marketable skills you will ever develop.
#5: Time Management
Speaking of other skills that can be utilized in any job and career is time management. The majority of students never really learn to value their time and manage it while in school. Procrastination is all too rampant (studying right before class, doing homework and essays the day it’s due, partying the night before the exam). This lack of time management often carries over into adulthood, which becomes a major liability.
Learn to make a to do list. Learn to prioritize. Learn to break things down into 30 minute blocks of time. Learn about actionable items. David Allen’s GTD system is your best friend here along with Dan Kennedy’s No B.S Time Management. Again if you’re unfamiliar with these people, Google is your best friend, but I’m sure the majority of readers will know what I’m talking about.
+1. Health
It’s not enough to make students run a mile and play sports. Education is needed now more than ever. Education on the dangers of consuming too much fast food. Education on what diets in high sugar and fat can do to the body. Education on proper nutrition. Education on the importance of exercising regularly as well. I think if schools start teaching these kinds of things, we could nip so many problems in the bud because most teenagers will not research this material on their own. The few that do have a head start in life but if we can’t teach them, schools should at the very least raise some sort of awareness and have an introductory class that talks about them – Real World 101.
If you have any friends or family who are still in school, please forward them this article. Think of it as a cheat sheet for the real world. You’ll be doing them a great service and they will most definitely thank you after they graduate. I guarantee it.
By Brian Kim.
If you look at this generation of students, you’ll find that most are “shell shocked” once they graduate because they had little or no preparation for what was to come.
High school mostly teaches you to memorize information and to regurgitate it back to your teacher, only to completely erase the information from your mind the moment you walk out after taking the test.
When you go on to college, you do a bit of the same things, but you also learn to think analytically, critically, and to broaden your mind so to speak, but even people who graduate from college will learn lessons from the real world the hard way as well. The sad part is all of this could’ve been prevented with some proper education beforehand.
Below are five things that I firmly believe should be taught in every school in America so that students don’t get railroaded when they enter the real world. If you’re still in school and reading this, consider it your lucky day as mastering these five skills will give you a great head start and help separate you from the rest of the pack as well.
#1. Personal Finance
Every week or so, there always seems to be a new article in CNN, USA Today, or Yahoo about young adults struggling with debt, whether it be from credit cards or loans in general. High interest rates, hidden fees, not consolidating debt – these terms and concepts are mostly unknown to young adults and because of that ignorance, they tend to make big errors in judgment. A prime example is thinking that they just have to pay the minimum on their balance and not realizing that by doing so, they pay 2-3 times as much in the long run.
Alongside that, most young adults don’t have a clue on how to invest their money. They don’t know what a Roth IRA account is, or a 401k, or the magic of compound interest, the tax benefits associated with investing in these types of vehicles, etc. There’s a lot of specialized knowledge out there that young adults are not aware of on when it comes to how they can invest their money and as a result, they frivolously spend it away.
Credit score is another big thing. A lot of young adults don’t bother to check up on it to make sure there are no errors with it. Your credit score is your report card in the real world and it comes into play when you’re buying a car, renting your first apartment, and even when you’re getting a job (most employers are now checking credit scores to determine how responsible the candidate is). Protect that at all costs. Learn what drives your credit score down. Learn what drives your credit score up. Check up on it every now and then to ensure nothing is wrong with it.
Even something as basic as creating a simple budget is beyond the grasp of some young adults and it simply amazes me that a lot of people don’t do this and some don’t even know how (you’d be surprised). Figure out your income after taxes, pay yourself FIRST (this is a big one – most people pay the bills and frivolously spend the leftovers until next payday), see what you can cut out if things are tight, look to see where you can bring in more income if you need to do so, etc.
Another important subset regarding personal finance are those “intangible” things, such as learning to differentiate between need and want, delaying the gratification, and having an inner sense of value. These concepts can’t be taught in the classroom but only taught through oneself via self discipline.
We live in a materialistic society where unfortunately, many young people grow up with the “have” then “be” mentality.
If I have _______, then I’ll be ____________.
Blame it on the media, advertising, or the impressionable minds of young people, but you’ll frequently see that a lot of people get stuck in this mentality and as a result, needlessly pile themselves in a mountain of debt.
One thing that I want to point out to students is that you’ll find as you get older, that a lot of people “fake” financial success. Not all, but a pretty big chunk. The neighbor or co-worker you see with the fancy car and nice clothes are most likely knee deep in debt while you’ll find the people with the average car and clothes have little or no debt and a nice big cushion of savings to that as well.
And the ironic and sad part is that most people don’t really care about other people because they’re so busy with themselves, so all that effort to impress others is really all in vain. The inherent danger in trying to accumulate expensive things to feel good about yourself is that you’re telling yourself that you need something outside of yourself to validate you, when everything you need to validate yourself is already within you. Stop looking for anything outside of you because there will always be something new and better to purchase. It’s like a dog chasing its tail. You’ll never catch it. Learn to simplify your life and to be content and grateful for the things you have. Don’t get caught up in the materialistic chase because once you do, it’s hard to get out.
#2. Communicating Effectively
By this, I’m not necessarily talking about giving speeches and presentations, although that certainly falls in this category. I'm mainly talking about being able to clearly take what’s in your head and to put it into words so the other person clearly understands what you’re saying the first time.
I know that sounds simple, but I’m sure you’ve met people in the workplace who don’t take the time to prepare when they speak with you and as a result, waste your time talking in circles when all you want to say to them is: “Can you take some time to think through what you want to say and come back to me later with that?”
Communicating effectively is one of the most underrated, yet most powerful skills you can develop.
The biggest part in communicating effectively is preparing what you want to say beforehand. Keep it simple. What’s my point? Why? Prepare a good example.
Your best friend in communicating effectively are these two words: “For example”. Whenever you see a confused look on people’s faces, your best response is leading with those two words: For example. When you do that AND follow up with a relevant example, it allows the other person to “frame” what you’re talking about to get a better idea of what it is.
Communicating effectively is one of THE MOST underrated and MOST valuable skills a person can have. And let me tell you on a personal level, there’s nothing more refreshing than dealing with people who take the time to prepare what they have to say and back it up with clear examples. It’s a very rare skill nowadays.
#3. Social Skills
Closely related to communicating effectively are social skills in general. After you graduate, you’re not going to be dealing with your high school or frat buddies anymore.
You’ll be dealing with many people from different backgrounds, countries, and more importantly different age groups, so it would be wise to learn how to socialize outside your own group.
Cut the slang. Learn to respect customs from other countries. Learn how to listen – few people do. Learn when to speak and when NOT to.
Build rapport. Learn the art of networking – that’s key. Networking is a big skill that’s not taught enough in schools. Learn to compliment. Mingle. Make small talk.
Learn to approach people – that’s another big skill. Most people don’t have the guts to take the first initiative and introduce themselves. Be the big man. Take the first step. Learn to make the other person feel good and important. Dale Carnegie is your best friend in this area (Google his name if you don’t know what I’m talking about)
#4. Sales
Obviously I’m not advocating people becoming a salesman after school, but learning the art of selling is what I’m advocating. If you think about it, we all sell everyday. We sell ideas to our boss. We sell to our friends when we pitch ideas on what to do this weekend. We sell ourselves in job interviews. You could say that sales is a great combination of social skills and communicating effectively, but with some other components you should pick up that will be useful.
Listen. Really listen. Actively listen. Learn how to be convincing. Be persuasive. Think of objections and counter them ahead of time. Stress benefits instead of features. Listen to the other person. (yes I know it's a repeat, but it's for emphasis) Develop empathy. Think in terms of how you can help serve the other person.
Selling is one of the few skills that can be utilized in any job or career. It’s one of the most important cross marketable skills you will ever develop.
#5: Time Management
Speaking of other skills that can be utilized in any job and career is time management. The majority of students never really learn to value their time and manage it while in school. Procrastination is all too rampant (studying right before class, doing homework and essays the day it’s due, partying the night before the exam). This lack of time management often carries over into adulthood, which becomes a major liability.
Learn to make a to do list. Learn to prioritize. Learn to break things down into 30 minute blocks of time. Learn about actionable items. David Allen’s GTD system is your best friend here along with Dan Kennedy’s No B.S Time Management. Again if you’re unfamiliar with these people, Google is your best friend, but I’m sure the majority of readers will know what I’m talking about.
+1. Health
It’s not enough to make students run a mile and play sports. Education is needed now more than ever. Education on the dangers of consuming too much fast food. Education on what diets in high sugar and fat can do to the body. Education on proper nutrition. Education on the importance of exercising regularly as well. I think if schools start teaching these kinds of things, we could nip so many problems in the bud because most teenagers will not research this material on their own. The few that do have a head start in life but if we can’t teach them, schools should at the very least raise some sort of awareness and have an introductory class that talks about them – Real World 101.
If you have any friends or family who are still in school, please forward them this article. Think of it as a cheat sheet for the real world. You’ll be doing them a great service and they will most definitely thank you after they graduate. I guarantee it.
By Brian Kim.
How to Find What You Love to Do
This article was inspired by Steve Jobs’ commencement speech at Stanford University. In it, he says the advice we’ve all heard a thousand times:
“You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.” - Steve Jobs
Well then, the question naturally arises:
How do you find what you love to do? It’s such a big question.
What absolutely boils my blood is that we hear we should be doing what we love to do all the time, but there’s not any step by step advice out there on how to find what you love to do. The advice that is out there helps to a certain degree, but it’s just a bunch of pieces thrown together with no coherent logical structure or order.
A perfect example is this. In order to find your passion, we are told to ask ourselves: “What would you do if you had a million dollars (tax free)?”
The typical answer ensues: “Well gee, I would put it in an account that yields high interest and live off the interest each year. Then I would move to Hawaii, buy a house, sip margaritas all day, play video games, go to the beach, swim, travel around the world, taste all the cuisines, read the books, play the sports, and on and on and on.”
Does this really help? Not really. Sure, you figured out what your lazy butt likes to do, but it doesn’t really answer the question that’s hidden, which is “How do I make money doing what I love to do?
What's the result? People working in jobs they hate, feeling trapped because they can’t quit as they rely on that sole source of income to finance a lifestyle tailored to escape their grim reality, drifting aimlessly in life, in short, leading lives of quiet desperation, as so eloquently put by Henry David Thoreau.
Why don’t they just quit their jobs and pursue what they love to do you ask?
Two Reasons.
Reason #1: They don’t know what they love to do.
Reason #2: Fear. They’ve got a lifestyle to uphold, bills to pay for, families to take care of, fear of no steady source of income, fear of what other people might think or say about them, etc. Fear. Conquer indecision in Reason #1 and ACT, and you will most definitely conquer all fear in Reason #2.
The very fact that you are seeking to find what you love to do (by the very fact you came across this article and started reading it) is a BIG step believe it or not. Many people in their lifetime avoid or do not even seek to find the answer to that question. They hear the question in their head but have become extremely adept at silencing it.
It is extremely important to answer the question on how to find what you love to do.
You must decide what destination to steer your life in. Otherwise, you leave yourself wide open for others to direct your life, as well as at the mercy of the winds and storms of life. If you know where your destination is, the rest is easy.
You will find once you know what you want to do, all uncertainty and burden will be lifted off your shoulders and you will have clear vision as to what your journey is and that journey will truly be joyful.
By the time you finish reading this article, I sincerely hope you experience that.
What about how to make money doing what you love?
The question of how to monetize doing what you love is certainly a valid one. There are bills to pay, stomachs to feed, families to support, etc.
Don’t worry about that for now. That will be covered later in this article.
First things first, you’ve got to find what you love to do.
Why is it so hard to find what you love to do?
The answer is:
It’s not hard at all.
You read right.
It’s not hard at all.
Then why are so many people having difficulty finding what they love to do?
Because they’ve never truly asked themselves.
What amazes me is that there seems to be a stigma attached to spending time with oneself. You have to constantly be doing something, whether it’s going to the game, drinking beer with the buddies, going to that hot party or club downtown, etc. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with doing all that, but I suspect the vast majority of people who engage in this “I have to be doing something every minute because I can’t be by myself” mentality are just putting up a front to show people how satisfying and fulfilling their life is, when in reality, it’s just the opposite. The irony here is that spending time with oneself is EXACTLY what you should be doing to lead a satisfying and fulfilling life.
People think you have to travel around the world, experience new things, etc to find what you love to do. No. You just have to sit down and decide. The answer is already within you. You just have to dig it up and avoid procrastinating. Your brain has absorbed all sorts of information and experiences and it has the answer ready to be unraveled.
Just let it out.
Be honest. Have you actually sat down by yourself with no distractions, with your sole focus on asking yourself what you love to do without picking up your cell phone, surfing the net, watching TV, chatting on AIM, listening to your favorite song, playing solitaire or minesweeper, checking your email, returning a call, getting a drink of water, going to the bathroom, looking at the clock, reading a magazine article, I could go on and on but you get the point. I’m going to go out on a limb and say you haven’t for the sole purpose of you reading this article. Why is that?
Fear of what the answer will be if you ask yourself what you love to do.
The answer is: I don’t know.
But that is exactly why you MUST find out. You’re avoiding the question because you know the answer is you don’t know, but that’s ok. Admitting you don’t know is perfectly fine. There’s nothing wrong with it. You’re way ahead of a ton of other people who learn to quiet the voice within that asks the question of “What do I love to do?”
And let’s say you’re one of the few people who actually specifically know what they love to do. The next thought that pops in their head is “Oh, I can’t make any money off of that.” The seed that was planted never grew.
I hate vague answers. I want clear, logical, definitive answers to questions.
So let’s do this.
Step 1: You WILL find the answer. No doubt.
You will find the answer. You will find it. No doubt.
Approach the question with this mentality and you are sure to find it. How long will it take? It doesn’t matter. Bottom line, you will find the answer.
By doing this, you automatically instill an anti quitting mechanism within yourself, because you know you will find the answer. If you know what you want to do, then you will do it.
For example, if you know you want to arrive in New York, you’ll find ways to get there. You’ll hop a train, bus, or plane going to New York and will arrive in New York.
If you don’t have the cash, you’ll borrow it, or get a job and save up, or get a job as a flight attendant to get there for free. It doesn’t matter how long it will take or what you need to do because you know you’re going to New York.
All your actions onward from the decision that you want to arrive in New York will revolve around getting to New York.
Read that last sentence again.
All your actions onward from the decision that you want to arrive in New York will revolve around getting to New York.
Finding what you love to do = Deciding to arrive in New York.
Step 2: Make a list of your skills and interests in two columns and WRITE THEM DOWN (I’ll explain why you must write things down later):
I’ve taken the liberty of creating a document you can print so you can easily fill in the blanks. You can download it here. KEY is to WRITE THESE DOWN!! I cannot emphasize this enough. Don’t think you can do it all in your head. WRITE IT DOWN.
When I mean by skills is any skill. It could be an intangible skill. Empty your clip here, list EVERY skill you have. It could be programming, making web pages, talking, listening, persuading people, typing, flirting, analyzing, giving speeches, making things easy to understand, whistling, blowing bubbles with your spit, it could be anything. Don’t be bashful. List everything you perceive your skills to be.
On your other column, lists your interests and don’t be shy here as well. List EVERY interest you could possibly think of. Spiders, shoes, hair, makeup, basketball, tennis, thinking of ideas, babysitting, walking, hiking, fireworks, helping people, making fun of people, fishing, tai chi, karate, seashells, seaweed, can openers, anything goes. Yes, I did say can openers. Your interests can also include subjects you are knowledgeable about as well. Computers, economics, biology, baskebtall plays, football plays, magic tricks, etc.
To help you write down more interests, think of what you were interested in at your previous jobs and write them down. Also, think of what you were NOT interested in your previous jobs and write the exact opposite.
Asking yourself the following questions may shed light as to what skills and interests you possess.
If you went in a bookstore, which section do you naturally gravitate toward?
Ask friends for any skills and interests they see in you. You’ll be surprised at how much insight they have on you that you’ve never thought of before.
What do you spend most of your time doing? What do you look forward to doing? Go back and think of your accomplishments as a child. What kind of skills and interests revolved around your accomplishments?
What did people praise you on doing?
What did your teachers or parents say you had a skill or knack of doing?
Why am I emphasizing skills and interests here?
Skills: Because you’ve got to leverage what you’re strong with. And don’t say you don’t have any. Everybody has skills. You’ve just never sat down and thought about it and wrote it down. By using your skills, you’ve got a head start, a catalyst.
Interests: Simply because you’ve got to love what you do. By including interests, you include another form of an anti quitting mechanism.
Focus on generating as many skills and interests you can possibly think of and WRITE IT DOWN!
You may find that your skills are gravitating toward one or two particular skills. The same may hold true for interests. Keep that in mind for step 3.
Step 3: Set aside some TRUE alone time with no distractions to focus and figure out what you love to do by asking yourself the right questions.
It amazes me how people set aside time for taxes, cooking, watching movies, reading, but when it comes to their own personal future, they NEVER set aside any time. How much MORE time should you set aside to figure out the path that will make you happy?
Ok, you’ve set some private alone time with no distractions; now what?
You must ask yourself an extremely clear question. Clarity is key here. The clearer the question, the easier the answer will be.
For example, if I ask you what 12 times 12 is, the answer comes easily, 144.
However, if I ask, what is some even two digit number times some other even two digit number? Guess how long it’ll take you to answer that question?
Clear questions lead to clear answers.
Another key thing is to WRITE it down. I know you’ve heard it a billion times and it’s so cliché but there’s a reason. Writing things down allows you to easily make connections you’ve never thought of before because you see it on paper. It also allows you to "free room" in your brain for other thoughts because they are put in another container so to speak.
If I ask you, what’s 257 times 852, try doing that in your head vs. writing it down. When you write it down, the answer comes out easier, not to mention more accurate.
If you haven’t already wrote down your skills and interests in the previous step, STOP and DO IT NOW. It won’t do you any good having them in your head.
So, let’s use your alone time to ask yourself a clear question in writing. What is the question you should ask yourself? Is it: “What do I love to do?”
That question is a bit broad, so let’s narrow it down a little. Try asking yourself:
What would I love to do on a daily basis utilizing both my skills and interests that will add significant value to people?
See the difference here? The more detailed and clearer the question, the easier it is to answer it. Why did I add the add value part? Because that will lead you to find a way to make money doing what you love.
By incorporating the question of how to add significant value by utilizing your skills, you automatically filter out all the “common answers” that people come up with when asked what they love to do. Common answers such as: “I love to watch TV.” Or “I love to play video games.” Answers such as that discourage people because they see no way of making money from it.
Adding to that, many people tend to make the mistake of focusing on how to make money. A lot of people fail to realize that money is just a byproduct of adding value in the form of a product or service to people.
When you know how you can add value to people, you’ll know how to get money.
Open up Word or get out a blank sheet of paper and write that question up at the top. Here it is again in case you don't want to scroll up.
What would I love to do on a daily basis utilizing both my skills and interests that will add significant value to people?
The KEY is to WRITE YOUR ANSWERS DOWN!! I cannot emphasize this enough. Don’t think you can do it all in your head. WRITE IT DOWN.
Looking at the two column list you made in the previous step, start writing down a list of answers. Just write. It doesn’t have to be perfect and it doesn’t have to make sense because sooner or later, you will connect the dots. Here’s a story to illustrate what I’m talking about.
There was a story about a small town with a ski resort which attracted a lot of tourists, which in turn helped the town’s economy. However, when it snowed, the snowfall collected on the power cables, until the weight was enough to collapse the cables, resulting in several power outages. Slowly but surely, tourists stopped coming, so the town held a meeting to discuss how to solve the problem of having snow collect on the power cables. Solutions were tossed out for quite some time.
Then somebody shouted in a loud voice from the back of the room and said “Let’s hang pots of honey on the power cables to make the bears climb up. When the bears climb up and get the honey, their movement will shake the snow off the power cables.”
The audience laughed and somebody else deciding to play along said “How will we refill the pots of honey?” “We’ll use a helicopter”, another person said.
Then the answer dawned upon them. By having a helicopter fly by the power lines, the wind from the propellers would shake the snow off.
The main point here is that answers, no matter how ridiculous they may seem, should not be feared because more often than not, they lead to results. It’s all part of the process.
Even if an answer seems ludicrous, write it down. Write down all your answers. Do it until you have 20 answers and look them over. You will find that as you write down answers and look at them, it will in turn propel you to think of new creative answers that you would not have come up with before.
You will be amazed at all the things you wrote and the different solid creative ideas that come about.
Now the time comes for focus.
I’m sure you’ve heard of the sun and magnifying glass analogy pertaining to focus but I’m going to say it again. If you try to do a bunch of things at once, nothing will get done. If you wave a magnifying glass around on the hottest day, you won’t burn anything. You’ll dissipate all your energy among the trivial many.
By focusing and harnessing all your power, energy, time, focus, thinking, etc. on one goal, you will be amazed at how deep and quickly you can accomplish that. Just as you steady a magnifying glass on a single object, with the hot burning sun rays analogous to your desire, focus, power, energy, time, etc, you will make an impact.
The notion of focus is so important that I’m going to use another analogy. Imagine you’re a cheetah and you see two juicy gazelles grazing in the grass. Spending your time chasing both = no food = death. Hunt one down. It might take time to catch it and kill it, but when you do, you'll be recharged. You will soon start collecting information on how the gazelles run, which direction they run, where they like to graze, etc, which will help you catch more gazelles in the future, thereby putting you in a favorable cycle. Case in point, focus on one.
So look over your list you just made and choose one idea that seems the most appealing to you. You may find you can combine a few ideas into one idea. Nevertheless, choose one idea that you will garner the greatest satisfaction not just for yourself, but to other people.
You might want to zero in on the ideas that combine your skills and interests that you’ve listed in the beginning. The reason being, psychologically speaking, you’ve probably listed your greatest skills and interests first and then as you started listing them downward, so did your degree of skill and interest. This might not be true. You might have 20 different but equal skills and interests, which if you do, I congratulate you. Just a tip I thought I would throw out.
How Will You Know You’ve Found What You Love To Do?
Does it make you feel good? If you feel it in your gut that you’ve hit the jackpot, you’re right.
If your friend were to bring up the idea you picked, would you be all over it talking about it?
You have to have no reservations about it. If you feel the slightest doubt that it’s not your passion, then it’s not. You must hunger to overcome any obstacles to pursue your passion.
By Brian Kim.
“You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.” - Steve Jobs
Well then, the question naturally arises:
How do you find what you love to do? It’s such a big question.
What absolutely boils my blood is that we hear we should be doing what we love to do all the time, but there’s not any step by step advice out there on how to find what you love to do. The advice that is out there helps to a certain degree, but it’s just a bunch of pieces thrown together with no coherent logical structure or order.
A perfect example is this. In order to find your passion, we are told to ask ourselves: “What would you do if you had a million dollars (tax free)?”
The typical answer ensues: “Well gee, I would put it in an account that yields high interest and live off the interest each year. Then I would move to Hawaii, buy a house, sip margaritas all day, play video games, go to the beach, swim, travel around the world, taste all the cuisines, read the books, play the sports, and on and on and on.”
Does this really help? Not really. Sure, you figured out what your lazy butt likes to do, but it doesn’t really answer the question that’s hidden, which is “How do I make money doing what I love to do?
What's the result? People working in jobs they hate, feeling trapped because they can’t quit as they rely on that sole source of income to finance a lifestyle tailored to escape their grim reality, drifting aimlessly in life, in short, leading lives of quiet desperation, as so eloquently put by Henry David Thoreau.
Why don’t they just quit their jobs and pursue what they love to do you ask?
Two Reasons.
Reason #1: They don’t know what they love to do.
Reason #2: Fear. They’ve got a lifestyle to uphold, bills to pay for, families to take care of, fear of no steady source of income, fear of what other people might think or say about them, etc. Fear. Conquer indecision in Reason #1 and ACT, and you will most definitely conquer all fear in Reason #2.
The very fact that you are seeking to find what you love to do (by the very fact you came across this article and started reading it) is a BIG step believe it or not. Many people in their lifetime avoid or do not even seek to find the answer to that question. They hear the question in their head but have become extremely adept at silencing it.
It is extremely important to answer the question on how to find what you love to do.
You must decide what destination to steer your life in. Otherwise, you leave yourself wide open for others to direct your life, as well as at the mercy of the winds and storms of life. If you know where your destination is, the rest is easy.
You will find once you know what you want to do, all uncertainty and burden will be lifted off your shoulders and you will have clear vision as to what your journey is and that journey will truly be joyful.
By the time you finish reading this article, I sincerely hope you experience that.
What about how to make money doing what you love?
The question of how to monetize doing what you love is certainly a valid one. There are bills to pay, stomachs to feed, families to support, etc.
Don’t worry about that for now. That will be covered later in this article.
First things first, you’ve got to find what you love to do.
Why is it so hard to find what you love to do?
The answer is:
It’s not hard at all.
You read right.
It’s not hard at all.
Then why are so many people having difficulty finding what they love to do?
Because they’ve never truly asked themselves.
What amazes me is that there seems to be a stigma attached to spending time with oneself. You have to constantly be doing something, whether it’s going to the game, drinking beer with the buddies, going to that hot party or club downtown, etc. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with doing all that, but I suspect the vast majority of people who engage in this “I have to be doing something every minute because I can’t be by myself” mentality are just putting up a front to show people how satisfying and fulfilling their life is, when in reality, it’s just the opposite. The irony here is that spending time with oneself is EXACTLY what you should be doing to lead a satisfying and fulfilling life.
People think you have to travel around the world, experience new things, etc to find what you love to do. No. You just have to sit down and decide. The answer is already within you. You just have to dig it up and avoid procrastinating. Your brain has absorbed all sorts of information and experiences and it has the answer ready to be unraveled.
Just let it out.
Be honest. Have you actually sat down by yourself with no distractions, with your sole focus on asking yourself what you love to do without picking up your cell phone, surfing the net, watching TV, chatting on AIM, listening to your favorite song, playing solitaire or minesweeper, checking your email, returning a call, getting a drink of water, going to the bathroom, looking at the clock, reading a magazine article, I could go on and on but you get the point. I’m going to go out on a limb and say you haven’t for the sole purpose of you reading this article. Why is that?
Fear of what the answer will be if you ask yourself what you love to do.
The answer is: I don’t know.
But that is exactly why you MUST find out. You’re avoiding the question because you know the answer is you don’t know, but that’s ok. Admitting you don’t know is perfectly fine. There’s nothing wrong with it. You’re way ahead of a ton of other people who learn to quiet the voice within that asks the question of “What do I love to do?”
And let’s say you’re one of the few people who actually specifically know what they love to do. The next thought that pops in their head is “Oh, I can’t make any money off of that.” The seed that was planted never grew.
I hate vague answers. I want clear, logical, definitive answers to questions.
So let’s do this.
Step 1: You WILL find the answer. No doubt.
You will find the answer. You will find it. No doubt.
Approach the question with this mentality and you are sure to find it. How long will it take? It doesn’t matter. Bottom line, you will find the answer.
By doing this, you automatically instill an anti quitting mechanism within yourself, because you know you will find the answer. If you know what you want to do, then you will do it.
For example, if you know you want to arrive in New York, you’ll find ways to get there. You’ll hop a train, bus, or plane going to New York and will arrive in New York.
If you don’t have the cash, you’ll borrow it, or get a job and save up, or get a job as a flight attendant to get there for free. It doesn’t matter how long it will take or what you need to do because you know you’re going to New York.
All your actions onward from the decision that you want to arrive in New York will revolve around getting to New York.
Read that last sentence again.
All your actions onward from the decision that you want to arrive in New York will revolve around getting to New York.
Finding what you love to do = Deciding to arrive in New York.
Step 2: Make a list of your skills and interests in two columns and WRITE THEM DOWN (I’ll explain why you must write things down later):
I’ve taken the liberty of creating a document you can print so you can easily fill in the blanks. You can download it here. KEY is to WRITE THESE DOWN!! I cannot emphasize this enough. Don’t think you can do it all in your head. WRITE IT DOWN.
When I mean by skills is any skill. It could be an intangible skill. Empty your clip here, list EVERY skill you have. It could be programming, making web pages, talking, listening, persuading people, typing, flirting, analyzing, giving speeches, making things easy to understand, whistling, blowing bubbles with your spit, it could be anything. Don’t be bashful. List everything you perceive your skills to be.
On your other column, lists your interests and don’t be shy here as well. List EVERY interest you could possibly think of. Spiders, shoes, hair, makeup, basketball, tennis, thinking of ideas, babysitting, walking, hiking, fireworks, helping people, making fun of people, fishing, tai chi, karate, seashells, seaweed, can openers, anything goes. Yes, I did say can openers. Your interests can also include subjects you are knowledgeable about as well. Computers, economics, biology, baskebtall plays, football plays, magic tricks, etc.
To help you write down more interests, think of what you were interested in at your previous jobs and write them down. Also, think of what you were NOT interested in your previous jobs and write the exact opposite.
Asking yourself the following questions may shed light as to what skills and interests you possess.
If you went in a bookstore, which section do you naturally gravitate toward?
Ask friends for any skills and interests they see in you. You’ll be surprised at how much insight they have on you that you’ve never thought of before.
What do you spend most of your time doing? What do you look forward to doing? Go back and think of your accomplishments as a child. What kind of skills and interests revolved around your accomplishments?
What did people praise you on doing?
What did your teachers or parents say you had a skill or knack of doing?
Why am I emphasizing skills and interests here?
Skills: Because you’ve got to leverage what you’re strong with. And don’t say you don’t have any. Everybody has skills. You’ve just never sat down and thought about it and wrote it down. By using your skills, you’ve got a head start, a catalyst.
Interests: Simply because you’ve got to love what you do. By including interests, you include another form of an anti quitting mechanism.
Focus on generating as many skills and interests you can possibly think of and WRITE IT DOWN!
You may find that your skills are gravitating toward one or two particular skills. The same may hold true for interests. Keep that in mind for step 3.
Step 3: Set aside some TRUE alone time with no distractions to focus and figure out what you love to do by asking yourself the right questions.
It amazes me how people set aside time for taxes, cooking, watching movies, reading, but when it comes to their own personal future, they NEVER set aside any time. How much MORE time should you set aside to figure out the path that will make you happy?
Ok, you’ve set some private alone time with no distractions; now what?
You must ask yourself an extremely clear question. Clarity is key here. The clearer the question, the easier the answer will be.
For example, if I ask you what 12 times 12 is, the answer comes easily, 144.
However, if I ask, what is some even two digit number times some other even two digit number? Guess how long it’ll take you to answer that question?
Clear questions lead to clear answers.
Another key thing is to WRITE it down. I know you’ve heard it a billion times and it’s so cliché but there’s a reason. Writing things down allows you to easily make connections you’ve never thought of before because you see it on paper. It also allows you to "free room" in your brain for other thoughts because they are put in another container so to speak.
If I ask you, what’s 257 times 852, try doing that in your head vs. writing it down. When you write it down, the answer comes out easier, not to mention more accurate.
If you haven’t already wrote down your skills and interests in the previous step, STOP and DO IT NOW. It won’t do you any good having them in your head.
So, let’s use your alone time to ask yourself a clear question in writing. What is the question you should ask yourself? Is it: “What do I love to do?”
That question is a bit broad, so let’s narrow it down a little. Try asking yourself:
What would I love to do on a daily basis utilizing both my skills and interests that will add significant value to people?
See the difference here? The more detailed and clearer the question, the easier it is to answer it. Why did I add the add value part? Because that will lead you to find a way to make money doing what you love.
By incorporating the question of how to add significant value by utilizing your skills, you automatically filter out all the “common answers” that people come up with when asked what they love to do. Common answers such as: “I love to watch TV.” Or “I love to play video games.” Answers such as that discourage people because they see no way of making money from it.
Adding to that, many people tend to make the mistake of focusing on how to make money. A lot of people fail to realize that money is just a byproduct of adding value in the form of a product or service to people.
When you know how you can add value to people, you’ll know how to get money.
Open up Word or get out a blank sheet of paper and write that question up at the top. Here it is again in case you don't want to scroll up.
What would I love to do on a daily basis utilizing both my skills and interests that will add significant value to people?
The KEY is to WRITE YOUR ANSWERS DOWN!! I cannot emphasize this enough. Don’t think you can do it all in your head. WRITE IT DOWN.
Looking at the two column list you made in the previous step, start writing down a list of answers. Just write. It doesn’t have to be perfect and it doesn’t have to make sense because sooner or later, you will connect the dots. Here’s a story to illustrate what I’m talking about.
There was a story about a small town with a ski resort which attracted a lot of tourists, which in turn helped the town’s economy. However, when it snowed, the snowfall collected on the power cables, until the weight was enough to collapse the cables, resulting in several power outages. Slowly but surely, tourists stopped coming, so the town held a meeting to discuss how to solve the problem of having snow collect on the power cables. Solutions were tossed out for quite some time.
Then somebody shouted in a loud voice from the back of the room and said “Let’s hang pots of honey on the power cables to make the bears climb up. When the bears climb up and get the honey, their movement will shake the snow off the power cables.”
The audience laughed and somebody else deciding to play along said “How will we refill the pots of honey?” “We’ll use a helicopter”, another person said.
Then the answer dawned upon them. By having a helicopter fly by the power lines, the wind from the propellers would shake the snow off.
The main point here is that answers, no matter how ridiculous they may seem, should not be feared because more often than not, they lead to results. It’s all part of the process.
Even if an answer seems ludicrous, write it down. Write down all your answers. Do it until you have 20 answers and look them over. You will find that as you write down answers and look at them, it will in turn propel you to think of new creative answers that you would not have come up with before.
You will be amazed at all the things you wrote and the different solid creative ideas that come about.
Now the time comes for focus.
I’m sure you’ve heard of the sun and magnifying glass analogy pertaining to focus but I’m going to say it again. If you try to do a bunch of things at once, nothing will get done. If you wave a magnifying glass around on the hottest day, you won’t burn anything. You’ll dissipate all your energy among the trivial many.
By focusing and harnessing all your power, energy, time, focus, thinking, etc. on one goal, you will be amazed at how deep and quickly you can accomplish that. Just as you steady a magnifying glass on a single object, with the hot burning sun rays analogous to your desire, focus, power, energy, time, etc, you will make an impact.
The notion of focus is so important that I’m going to use another analogy. Imagine you’re a cheetah and you see two juicy gazelles grazing in the grass. Spending your time chasing both = no food = death. Hunt one down. It might take time to catch it and kill it, but when you do, you'll be recharged. You will soon start collecting information on how the gazelles run, which direction they run, where they like to graze, etc, which will help you catch more gazelles in the future, thereby putting you in a favorable cycle. Case in point, focus on one.
So look over your list you just made and choose one idea that seems the most appealing to you. You may find you can combine a few ideas into one idea. Nevertheless, choose one idea that you will garner the greatest satisfaction not just for yourself, but to other people.
You might want to zero in on the ideas that combine your skills and interests that you’ve listed in the beginning. The reason being, psychologically speaking, you’ve probably listed your greatest skills and interests first and then as you started listing them downward, so did your degree of skill and interest. This might not be true. You might have 20 different but equal skills and interests, which if you do, I congratulate you. Just a tip I thought I would throw out.
How Will You Know You’ve Found What You Love To Do?
Does it make you feel good? If you feel it in your gut that you’ve hit the jackpot, you’re right.
If your friend were to bring up the idea you picked, would you be all over it talking about it?
You have to have no reservations about it. If you feel the slightest doubt that it’s not your passion, then it’s not. You must hunger to overcome any obstacles to pursue your passion.
By Brian Kim.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Сэтгэл ханамжийн баталгаа
“Сэтгэл ханамжийн баталгаа 100 хувь” гэсэн реклам зурагтын дэлгэцээс сонсогдох болоод нэлээд удаж байна. Энэ бол худалдаж авсан бараа чинь гомдоохгүй, ийм юм авсандаа үргэлж сэтгэл дүүрэн байх болно гэж хэлээд байгаа юм.
Хүн бүрийн бололцоо, таашаал, сонирхол, зан ааш янз бүр байдаг болохоор “сэтгэл ханамжийн батлагаа”-ны хувь процент янз бүр л байдаг байх. Хүний биеийг олж энэ хорвоод ирээд аль нэг улс үндэстэнд хамааран, нийгмийн дотор бие хүн болон оршиж буй 7 тэрбум хүмүүсийн “сэтгэл ханамжийн” төвшин янз бүр байдаг аж. Сүүлийн үед энэ талын судалгааг их хийх болжээ. Хоёр зуу орчим улс орон болон хуваагдсан манай гаригийн иргэдийн амьдралын төвшин, байгалийн нөхцөл, зан заншил, хэл соёл харилцан адилгүй. Харин амьдарч буй нөхцөл байдалдаа хүмүүс аль зэрэг хангалуун байдаг вэ?
Ийм судалгаа хийж үзэхэд маш хачирхалтай нь ядуу орны иргэд илүүтэй амьдралдаа сэтгэл хангалуун жаргалтай байдаг бол баян орны иргэд амьдралаас бага таашаал авдаг, тулгарсан олон зовлон тоочдог, сэтгэл нь дундуур, бухимдуу, өөрөөр хэлбэл дундуур жаргалтай байдаг аж. Ингээд Gross National Happiness буюу Үндэсний сэтгэл ханамжийн илтгэцүүр гэгч хэмжүүр бий болжээ. Үүнийг эдийн засагт их хэрэглэх боловч цаад уг үндэс нь улс төр, эдийн засаг гэхээсээ нийгмийн сэтгэл зүйтэй холбоотой юм. Өөрийн аргачлалтай, нэлээд шинжлэх ухаанжсан индэкс ба тухайн улс үндэстний нийгмийн тогтвортой байдал, хөрөнгө оруулалтын бололцоо гээд эдийн засгийн судалгааны маш их ач холбогдолтой юм гэнэлээ. Дэлхийн хамгийн аз жаргалтай ард түмнээр филиппинчүүд шалгарсан бол швейцаричууд хамгийн зовлон зүдгүүртэй ард түмэн болж тодорчээ. Хачин байгаа биз? Эсвэл тэнэгийн дотор тэнүүхэн гэгчээр санаа зовох юмаар бага байдаг юм болов уу?
Одоохондоо монголчууд судалгаанд хамаарч амжаагүй болов уу, хайгаад олсонгүй. Гэхдээ маш их бухимдалтай, сэтгэл тун гонсгор, аз жаргалаар нэн хомс болохыг эргэн тойрноо хараад шууд ажиглаж болохоор санагддаг юм. “Нийтээр үгүйрэн хоосорч”, “хүн амын 80 гаруй хувь нь нэн ядуу ангилалд хамаарч”, “идэх хоол өмсөх хувцасгүй шалдарч”... гэх мэтийн яриаг хүн болгон цаг тутамд мэдээллийн хэрэгслэлээр байнга сонсож байдаг. Үүнд улстөрчид, сэтгүүлчид, эгэл баатрууд, хурал цуглаан үйлдэгсэд гаажтай чангаар уран сайхантай, өнгөтэй, өргөн дэлгэцээр ярьдаг болохоор цөмөөрөө цээжээрээ мэднэ. Ялангуяа сүүлийн хорин жилд хоосон хонож хог дэрлэх болсон тухай УИХ-ын нэгэн тарган гишүүн хэхрэн байж мэдэгдээд араас нь золтой уйлчихсангүй. Ингэхээр 1990 оноос өмнө цатгалдаж үхэнгээ алдаж байсан дүр зураг өөрийн эрхгүй үүснэ. Дашрамд дурдахад мэдрэл нь нэлээд жаажийчихсан харсаар байтал эрүүл бус амьтантай Бат-Үүл ханцуй шамлан маргаж явдаг нь ч юу юм билээ!
Энд дэлхийн банкнаас гаргасан хэсэг гол гол гэж байгаа статистик олж авснаа дэлгэж, Монголын аж байдлыг дэлхийн бусад орнуудтай харьцуулж үзэх гэсэн юм. Энэ статистикт НҮБ-ийн гишүүн 200 орчим орноос гадна Хонгконг, Тайвань, Гибрэлтар, Америкийн Самао гээд тусгаар тогтносон бус олон субъектыг хамруулжээ. Судалгаанд оролцогсод нийтдээ 240 орчим байгаа учир байр эзлэлтийг эндээс тооцох нь зүйтэй. Энэ 2010 оноос Монголыг ядуу орны бүртгэлээс бүрмөсөн хаслаа. Хүн амд ноогдох ДНБ хэмжээ хэдийнээ хоёр мянган доллароос давсан учир дунд ангилалын доохон хэсэгт хамрагдах болсон юм. Ийм оронд буцалтгүй тусламж олдохгүй, хүнсний тусламж бол бүр горьдолтгүй. Харин зээл олдох боломж нь хавьгүй нэмэгддэг гэнэ. Орон сууц гэж тухайн орны байгаль цаг уурт таарсан нөхцөлд жилийн турш амьдарч болохуйц сууц оромжийг тооцдог юм байна. Энэ утгаар нь авч үзвэл Монгол нь бүх гэр бүл нь орон сууцажсан цөөн улсын тоонд ордог гэнэ. Тохь тух олон өрөө байр энд яриагүй нь ойлгомжтой. Гэтэл баян АНУ-д ерөөс орон сууц оромжгүй гэр бүл нэлээд хэдэн хувь байдаг аж. Хоол хүнсний хувьд нэг хүнд өдөрт 2800 ккал ноогдож буй нь тун сайн үзүүлэлт гэнэ. Японд энэ үзүүлэлт 2600, АНУ-д 3500 байдаг юм байна. Америкчууд цөмөөрөө хэт таргалсан байдгийн учир энэ байх. Таргалалт гэснээс Монголын хүн амын 30 хувь нь, 35-аас дээш насныхны 60 хувь нь жингийн хэтрэлттэй байгаа нь харин тааруухан үзүүлэлт аж. Эрүүл мэнд талаасаа шүү дээ.
Дундаж наслалт 68 хүрч байгаа, үүнээс эмэгтэйчүүд 70,2, эрэгтэйчүүд 65,3 наслаж байгаа нь дэлхийд 154-рт орж байгаа боловч сүүлийн 20 жилд энэ үзүүлэлт 5 жилээр нэмэгдсэн аж. Энэ хооронд орос эрчүүдийн дундаж наслалт 57 болтлоо буурчээ. Мянган хүн тутамд 21,05 төрөлтөөр 93-р байр эзэлж, харин үхлээр 6,12 гэсэн тоогоор 158-р байр эзэлжээ. Сонирхуулахад энэ 158-р байр гэдэг нь хойшлох тутмаа сайн үзүүлэлт ба мянга тутмаас 24 үхлээр Анголи тэргүүлдэг юм байна. Үхлийн тоогоор Герман, Дани, Англи мэтийн өндөр хөгжилтэй орнууд 10 гарантайгаар манай урд ордог нь нийгмийн бүтцэд өндөр настай хүний тоо олон байдагтай холбоотой байх л даа. 14 хүртлэх насныхан Монголын нийгэмд 28 хувь, 15-64 насныхан 67,9 хувь эзэлж байгаа нь харьцангуй залуу нийгэм гэсэн үг. Гэрлэх нас ч сүүлийн хорин жилд ихэд хойшилж эмэгтэй нь 25.7, эрэгтэй нь 24,9 насандаа гэрлэх болсон нь залуусын амьдралын өмнө хүлээх хариуцлага нэмэгдсэнтэй холбоотой болов уу. Ой хүртэлх хүүхдийн үхэл гэж хөгжлийн зэрэглэл илэрхийлдэг нэг чухал тоо байдаг. Төрөлт өндөртэй байсан наяад оны үед энэ нь 128 хүрч байсан боловч ичсэндээ ч тэр юм уу, хоёр дахин багасган 64 гэж Дэлхийн эрүүл мэндийн байгууллагад илтгэдэг, үнэн тоог нэн нууцалдаг байлаа. Одоо бол үнэн баримтаараа мянган төрөлт тутамд 39,88 үхэл тохиолдож байгаа нь дэлхийд 68 дугаар байрыг эзлүүлжээ. ДОХ-ын тархалт 0,1 хувиас бага буюу энэ талаар хамгийн аюулгүй оронд тооцогддог юм байна. Харин сүрьеэгийн нэлээд том голомттой, элэгний хавдрын үхлийн хувь нийт үхэлд маш том хувь эзэлдэг, хүн амын маш өндөр хувь нь элэгний вирустай зэрэг муу үзүүлэлт бас байна.
2007 онд Дэлхийн банкнаас хийсэн судалгаагаар монголчуудын 34 хувь нь олон улсын жишгээр ядуу гэсэн ангилалд багтаж байжээ. 2010 онд буюу энэ жил Дэлхийн банк дахин судалгаа хийгээд сая дүнгээ танилцуулсан. Ядуурлын хэмжээ хорь хүрэхгүй хувь болон буурсныг тэд ихэд сайшааж хэвлэлийн бага хурал хийлгэв. Гуравхан жилийн дотор ядуурлаа хоёр дахин буулгаж чадсан орон өдрийн од шиг ховор тохиолддог гэнэ. Ядууст зориулсан хүнсний карт буй болгох гэсэн Засгийн газрын хүсэлтийн дагуу Азийн сангаас нэн ядуу гэсэн 1500 өрхөд судалгаа хийгээд маш хачирхалтай дүн гаргаж ирлээ. Нэн ядуу өрхийн хүнсний нөөцийг судалж үзэхэд 12 кг гурил, 5 кг мах, 2кг цагаан будааны жоортой гэсэн дундач гарчээ. Энэ бол хүнсний аюулгүй байдал нэн сайн байна гэсэн үзүүлэлт юм байна. Хүнсний аюулгүй байдал гэдэг нь хүнсний хүрэлцээг хэлдэг (security), хүнсний аюулт байдал буюу хөнөөлт байдал нь (safety) тусдаа асуудал юм байна. Ийм сайн үзүүлэлттэй байхад хүнсний карт хэргээр төдий л нэмэргүй гэж олон улсын байгууллага зөвлөжээ.
Эрэгтэйчүүд нь дундачаар 12 жил, эмэгтэйчүүд нь 14 жил суралцдаг ба бичиг үсэг тайлагдсан зэрэглэл 97,8 хувьтай байгаа нь дэлхийд тун сайн үзүүлэлт гэнэ. ДНБ-ийхээ 5 хувийг боловсролд зарцуулж байгаагаараа дэлхийд 72-т ордог юм байна. 10 мянган хүнд ноогдох эмч, багш, оюутан, докторын тоогоор дэлхийд бараг л толгой цохиж байна даа. 10 мянган хүнд ноогдох оюутны тоогоор АНУ 575 гэсэн тоогоор Монголын ард 2-р байранд байна. Гэхдээ тэндэхийн 20 хувь нь гадаадын оюутан гэж байна шүү. Хүн амын 94,9 хувь нь монголчууд буюу нэгдмэл үндэстэн ба энэ тоогоор дэлхийд эхний аравт багтдаг гэнэ. Энэ нь үндэстэн хоорондын асуудал бараг байхгүй, энэ чанараараа эв нэгдэл хадгалагддаг гэсэн үзүүлэлт юм гэнээ. Хүйтэн дайны үед буюу дэлхий нэмж хуваагдаагүй байхад Монгол нь газар нутгаараа 18-д, хүн амаараа 118-д ордог байлаа. Одоо урдуураа Казахстаныг оруулаад газар нутгаар 19-р байранд, харин хүн амаар 134-т оржээ. Хүн амдаа хувааж үзсэн тоогоор бол байгалийн маш их баялагтай ба одоо нээгдсэн буюу баттай тааварлаж буй ашигт малтмалын үнэлгээг нэг ихнаяд америк доллар гэж тооцоолж байгаа юм байна. Иймээс Азийн дараагийн гайхамшиг, эдийн засгийн үсрэлт чухам Монголоос гарна гэх таамаг их элбэг болжээ.
Нэгтгэн дүгнэх юм бол энэхүү олон улсын нэр хүндтэй байгууллагаас гаргасан статистикаар монголчууд дэлхийн дундаж үзүүүлэлттэй орон юм байна. Үүний зэрэгцээ эрүүл мэнд, боловсролын сайн суурьтай, тогтсон сүлжээтэй, өндөр боловсролтой энэ орон ашигт малтмалдаа түшиглэн тун ойрын хугацаанд дэлхийн тэргүүний хөгжилтэй баян улс болох найдлагатайг мэргэжилтэн судлаачид нэгэн дуугаар батлаж байгаа юм байна.
Манай эдийн засгийн салбарыг ерөнхийд нь хуваабал нийт орлогын 20 хувийг Хөдөө аж ахуй, 30 хувийг Аж үйлдвэр, 50 хувийг Үйлчилгээний салбар бүрдүүлж байгаа аж. Хотод оршин сууж буй хүнийг 52 хувь гэж гаргасан байна, гэхдээ энд Улаанбаатар, Дархан, Эрдэнэтийг тоолоод аймгийн төв зэргийг “хөдөө” гэсэн ангилалд оруулсан бололтой. 170 мянган хүн нүүдлийн мал аж ахуй эрхлэнэ. Ажиллах хүчний тоо нэг сая 68 мянга гэж тоологдсон ба ажилгүйдэл 2,8 хувь байгаа нь дэлхийд 22 дугаар байрыг эзлүүлжээ. Энэ тоо АНУ-д 9,3 хувь хүрсэн гээд бод доо. Тэд 109-р байр эзэлжээ. Монгол улсын эдийн засгийн өсөлт 1990-2004 онд дундажаар жилд 3 хувь орчим байснаа 2004 оноос огцом өсч сүүлийн дөрвөн жилд 9 хувиас буухгүй дээшилж байна. Энэ бол дэлхийн хамгийн сайн үзүүлэлт, огцом өсөлттэй цөөхөн орнууд л ийм дүн үзүүлж байгаа. Сүүлийн 10 орчим жилд Японы эдийн засгийн өсөлт 0 бүхэлтэй л яваа. Цагтаа далаад оны үед тэд 8 хувийн өсөлт үзүүлдэг байлаа.
Хүнд ноогдох ДНБ-ийг олон жилийн турш шууд америк доллароор илэрхийлж ирсэн ба энэ нь дэндүү оночгүй гэх шүүмжлэл сүүлийн үед их гарч байна. Нэг америк доллар буюу түүнтэй харгалзах үндэсний валютийн худалдан авах чадвар газар бүр янз бүр байдаг. Монголд 2 доллар буюу түүнтэй тэнцэх 2800 төгрөгөөр юутай ч гэсэн дунд зэргийн гуанзанд бараг хориод бууз аваад идчихэнэ. Америкт үүгээр мухлагаас ганц муу асаагуур л авна, ширхэг боорцог ч авахгүй биз. Эсвэл яг адил чанар брэндтэй шилтэй коко кола Америкт 2,5 доллар, Улаанбаатарт 20 цэнт буюу даруй 15 дахин хямд. Иймээс тооцоог Purchasing Power Parity (PPP) буюу тэгшитгэсэн худалдан авах чадвар гэсэн үзүүлэлтээр харьцуулах болжээ. Ийм РРР гэсэн үзүүлэлтээр манай ДНБ хэмжээ хэдийнээ 10 тэрбум доллар давсан ба нэг хүнд оногдох хэмжээ нь 4 мянга гарсан байна. Энэ тоо баян орнуудтай харьцуулахад ичмээр дамшиг л даа, гэхдээ олон ядуу орны хувьд мөддөө санашгүй үзүүлэлт юм. Монголын эдийн засгийн нийт хэмжээ сүүлийн 20 жилд даруй 10 дахин нэмэгджээ.
Үүнийг иргэний орлогын энгийн жишээгээр харж болно. 1990 онд хамгийн бага цалин гэгдэх цэвэрлэгч, манаачийнх 180 төгрөг байлаа. Нэгдлийн гишүүн гэх малчидын зарим нь ердөө 30-50 төгрөгийн цалинтай, дээр нь зөндөө өртэй байсныг энд тооцохоо больё. Одоо хөдөлмөрийн хөлсний доод үнэлгээг сард 108 мянган төгрөгөөр тогтоосон. Дээрх мөнгөөр тухайн үеийн ханшаар хэдэн кг мах, гурил, будаа болон хэдий тооны цай, архи, тамхи авч болохыг өөрснөө бодоцгоо. Харин 108 мянган төгрөгөөр авч болох гол хүнсний бараагаа хамгийн хямдаар нь тооцоорой. Учир нь социализмын талх, будаа, хүнс, бараа, үйлчилгээ одоо манайд бараг тааралдахаа больсон хамгийн доод төвшинд байсан юм шүү. Хэдэн цагаар үхтлээ оочирлодог, огт олддоггүй байсан зэргийг тооцоолж яршиг зүгэээр, илүү хөдөлмөр зараад яахав.
Өгүүллийн эхэнд дурдсан “сэтгэл ханамжийн баталгаа” буюу аз жаргалын индэкс л харин сүүлийн хорин жилд маш ихээр унаж дорд орсон ба улс төрчид болон сэтгүүлчдийн ярьж байгааг хараад байхад цаашид улам хүчтэй унах бололтой юм. Нэгэнтээ Дэ Голл Францын ерөнхийлөгч болсныхоо дараа “500 төрлийн бяслаг хийдэг ард түмнийг удирдахад ямар хэцүү юм бэ!” гэж дуун алдаж байв. Бяслаг нь ийм олон юм чинь үзэл бодол зан авир, “сэтгэл ханамжийн илтгэцүүр” –ийн тоо замбараагаа алдаж таараа. Тархи угаах гэсэн ойлголт байдаг. Энэ нь мэдээлэл авах бүх сувгийг хаагаад ганц албан шугамаар нэг төрлийн мэдээлэл цацсаар байгаад иргэдийг худлаа юманд хүчээр үнэмшүүлэхийг хэлдэг. Ойлголт, үзэл бодлыг хүч хэрэглэн төлөвшүүлнэ гэсэн үг. Жоорж Орвэлийн бодож гаргасан нэршил. 1990 оноос өмнө Монголд нэг үзэл суртал ноёлож тэр шугамаараа нийт иргэдийн тархийг угаадаг байсан учир өөр үзэл бодол төдийгүй өөр үнэлэмж оршин тогтнох эрхгүй учраас аз жаргалын индэкс мөн л нэг маягаар сайн гэсэн үзүүлэлттэй гардаг байсан байх. Одоо бол Улаанбаатарт л гэхэд 40 гаруй телевизийн суваг монгол хэлээр нэвтрүүлэг цацаж, өдөр тутмын 20 сонин, 25 радио өдөр шөнөгүй ажиллаж өөр өөрийн олон янз бодлоо зэрэг цацаж байна. Та хүсвэл 120 суваг ч гэртээ үзэж болно. Олон үзэл бодол зэрэгцэн оршсоор байтал тархиа угаалгаж байвал хохь нь л гэх байх.
Аз жаргалын индэкс буурч байгаагийн нөгөө нэг шалтгаан нь баян ядуугийн ялгаа ихэссэнтэй холбоотой. 1990 оноос өмнө Монголын нийгэмд баян хүн гэж байгаагүй байхаа. Хамгийн баян этгээд банкинд 30 мянган доллартай байсан, тэр нь тэгээд хоёр гуравхан иргэн шүү. Ерөнхийдээ тэв тэгш л ядуу байж дээ. Одоо Монголын иргэдийн дотоодын банкинд хадгалуулсан нийт мөнгөний хэмжээ 4 тэрбум доллар хүрч байна. Сая долларын хөрөнгөтэй хүн нийгэмд цөөнгүй буй болоод ирэхээр хамаг малаа бараад олон хүүхдээ чирэн хот бараадаж хүүрийн газартай зэрэгцэн хөршилж хоногийн хоол хайн амьдралаа зохиож чадахгүй яваа олон мянган шилжин ирэгсэдийн хувьд энэхүү нүдэнд ил харагдах зөрүү мөнөөх “сэтгэл ханамжийн баталгааг” навс доош нь дарж таарна.
Овоо босгоогүй бол шаазгайд суух газар олдохгүй байсан. Түмний нүдэн дээр ямар ч ажил төрөл хийгээгүй мөртөө лус мэт баяжиж буй төрийн ажилтан, дарга дорго нарын хээл хахууль авилга нийгмийг асар их бухимдуулж байгаа. Тэр ингэж болоод байхад би яагаад адилхан зүгээр сууж байгаа мөртөө турж үхэхтэй шахаж байна гэсэн энгийн асуулт хэний ч толгойд юун түрүүн орж ирнэ. Чухам энэ сүрэг нийгэмд буй болох хөрөнгийн ихэнхийг зүй бусаар хулгайлан авч байгаа нь, эсвэл бүр улаан цагаангүй дээрэмдэн авч байгаа нь нийгмийн аз жаргалын индэксийг бууруулж буй нэг том шалтгаан. Ерөөсөө ч нүүдэлчний нэг төрөлх авир бол өөрийн ядуу явахыг гэхээсээ өрөөлийн баян тарган явааг тэвчдэггүй. Үүнд социологи, нийгмийн сэтгэл зүйн судалгаа хийх юмсан.
Амьдрал богинохон. Хүн аз жаргалтай явж насыг барах ёстой. Байхгүйдээ гансрах биш, байгаадаа жаргах хэрэгтэй. Богино амьдралыг гансрал гашуудал, хор шар, хорсол атаархалын зовлонгоор дүүргэн дуусгах нь юутай гунигтай. Одоогоос 2500 жилийн өмнө амьдарч байсан Гаутама Сиддихарда гэгч ухаантан ингэж сургажээ. Түүнийг хүн төрлөхтөн Будда гэдэг нэрээр нь андахгүй. Мөн тэр үед амьдарч байсан нэгэн мэргэн өгүүлэхдээ “Байгаа бүх юмнаасаа аль болох их таашаал авч амьдралаа аз жаргалтай өнгөрөө. Тэнгэрт тэргэл сар гарсанд ч баярлан шөнөөр сар харан, голын чимээ сонсож сэтгэлээ баясга. Амьд явахын утга учир энэ” гэжээ. Түүний нэрийг европчууд Конфициүс гэх юм билээ, манайхан Күнз гэдэг. 2500 жилийн өмнө нийт хүмүүний амьдралын төвшин мөн ч дорой байсан байх даа. Лав л өнөөгийн хамгийн ядуу төвшинтэй ч харьцуулашгүй. Гэвч хүмүүс нь сэтгэлээрээ жаргалтай байж дээ.
2010.7.6
Baabar.
Хүн бүрийн бололцоо, таашаал, сонирхол, зан ааш янз бүр байдаг болохоор “сэтгэл ханамжийн батлагаа”-ны хувь процент янз бүр л байдаг байх. Хүний биеийг олж энэ хорвоод ирээд аль нэг улс үндэстэнд хамааран, нийгмийн дотор бие хүн болон оршиж буй 7 тэрбум хүмүүсийн “сэтгэл ханамжийн” төвшин янз бүр байдаг аж. Сүүлийн үед энэ талын судалгааг их хийх болжээ. Хоёр зуу орчим улс орон болон хуваагдсан манай гаригийн иргэдийн амьдралын төвшин, байгалийн нөхцөл, зан заншил, хэл соёл харилцан адилгүй. Харин амьдарч буй нөхцөл байдалдаа хүмүүс аль зэрэг хангалуун байдаг вэ?
Ийм судалгаа хийж үзэхэд маш хачирхалтай нь ядуу орны иргэд илүүтэй амьдралдаа сэтгэл хангалуун жаргалтай байдаг бол баян орны иргэд амьдралаас бага таашаал авдаг, тулгарсан олон зовлон тоочдог, сэтгэл нь дундуур, бухимдуу, өөрөөр хэлбэл дундуур жаргалтай байдаг аж. Ингээд Gross National Happiness буюу Үндэсний сэтгэл ханамжийн илтгэцүүр гэгч хэмжүүр бий болжээ. Үүнийг эдийн засагт их хэрэглэх боловч цаад уг үндэс нь улс төр, эдийн засаг гэхээсээ нийгмийн сэтгэл зүйтэй холбоотой юм. Өөрийн аргачлалтай, нэлээд шинжлэх ухаанжсан индэкс ба тухайн улс үндэстний нийгмийн тогтвортой байдал, хөрөнгө оруулалтын бололцоо гээд эдийн засгийн судалгааны маш их ач холбогдолтой юм гэнэлээ. Дэлхийн хамгийн аз жаргалтай ард түмнээр филиппинчүүд шалгарсан бол швейцаричууд хамгийн зовлон зүдгүүртэй ард түмэн болж тодорчээ. Хачин байгаа биз? Эсвэл тэнэгийн дотор тэнүүхэн гэгчээр санаа зовох юмаар бага байдаг юм болов уу?
Одоохондоо монголчууд судалгаанд хамаарч амжаагүй болов уу, хайгаад олсонгүй. Гэхдээ маш их бухимдалтай, сэтгэл тун гонсгор, аз жаргалаар нэн хомс болохыг эргэн тойрноо хараад шууд ажиглаж болохоор санагддаг юм. “Нийтээр үгүйрэн хоосорч”, “хүн амын 80 гаруй хувь нь нэн ядуу ангилалд хамаарч”, “идэх хоол өмсөх хувцасгүй шалдарч”... гэх мэтийн яриаг хүн болгон цаг тутамд мэдээллийн хэрэгслэлээр байнга сонсож байдаг. Үүнд улстөрчид, сэтгүүлчид, эгэл баатрууд, хурал цуглаан үйлдэгсэд гаажтай чангаар уран сайхантай, өнгөтэй, өргөн дэлгэцээр ярьдаг болохоор цөмөөрөө цээжээрээ мэднэ. Ялангуяа сүүлийн хорин жилд хоосон хонож хог дэрлэх болсон тухай УИХ-ын нэгэн тарган гишүүн хэхрэн байж мэдэгдээд араас нь золтой уйлчихсангүй. Ингэхээр 1990 оноос өмнө цатгалдаж үхэнгээ алдаж байсан дүр зураг өөрийн эрхгүй үүснэ. Дашрамд дурдахад мэдрэл нь нэлээд жаажийчихсан харсаар байтал эрүүл бус амьтантай Бат-Үүл ханцуй шамлан маргаж явдаг нь ч юу юм билээ!
Энд дэлхийн банкнаас гаргасан хэсэг гол гол гэж байгаа статистик олж авснаа дэлгэж, Монголын аж байдлыг дэлхийн бусад орнуудтай харьцуулж үзэх гэсэн юм. Энэ статистикт НҮБ-ийн гишүүн 200 орчим орноос гадна Хонгконг, Тайвань, Гибрэлтар, Америкийн Самао гээд тусгаар тогтносон бус олон субъектыг хамруулжээ. Судалгаанд оролцогсод нийтдээ 240 орчим байгаа учир байр эзлэлтийг эндээс тооцох нь зүйтэй. Энэ 2010 оноос Монголыг ядуу орны бүртгэлээс бүрмөсөн хаслаа. Хүн амд ноогдох ДНБ хэмжээ хэдийнээ хоёр мянган доллароос давсан учир дунд ангилалын доохон хэсэгт хамрагдах болсон юм. Ийм оронд буцалтгүй тусламж олдохгүй, хүнсний тусламж бол бүр горьдолтгүй. Харин зээл олдох боломж нь хавьгүй нэмэгддэг гэнэ. Орон сууц гэж тухайн орны байгаль цаг уурт таарсан нөхцөлд жилийн турш амьдарч болохуйц сууц оромжийг тооцдог юм байна. Энэ утгаар нь авч үзвэл Монгол нь бүх гэр бүл нь орон сууцажсан цөөн улсын тоонд ордог гэнэ. Тохь тух олон өрөө байр энд яриагүй нь ойлгомжтой. Гэтэл баян АНУ-д ерөөс орон сууц оромжгүй гэр бүл нэлээд хэдэн хувь байдаг аж. Хоол хүнсний хувьд нэг хүнд өдөрт 2800 ккал ноогдож буй нь тун сайн үзүүлэлт гэнэ. Японд энэ үзүүлэлт 2600, АНУ-д 3500 байдаг юм байна. Америкчууд цөмөөрөө хэт таргалсан байдгийн учир энэ байх. Таргалалт гэснээс Монголын хүн амын 30 хувь нь, 35-аас дээш насныхны 60 хувь нь жингийн хэтрэлттэй байгаа нь харин тааруухан үзүүлэлт аж. Эрүүл мэнд талаасаа шүү дээ.
Дундаж наслалт 68 хүрч байгаа, үүнээс эмэгтэйчүүд 70,2, эрэгтэйчүүд 65,3 наслаж байгаа нь дэлхийд 154-рт орж байгаа боловч сүүлийн 20 жилд энэ үзүүлэлт 5 жилээр нэмэгдсэн аж. Энэ хооронд орос эрчүүдийн дундаж наслалт 57 болтлоо буурчээ. Мянган хүн тутамд 21,05 төрөлтөөр 93-р байр эзэлж, харин үхлээр 6,12 гэсэн тоогоор 158-р байр эзэлжээ. Сонирхуулахад энэ 158-р байр гэдэг нь хойшлох тутмаа сайн үзүүлэлт ба мянга тутмаас 24 үхлээр Анголи тэргүүлдэг юм байна. Үхлийн тоогоор Герман, Дани, Англи мэтийн өндөр хөгжилтэй орнууд 10 гарантайгаар манай урд ордог нь нийгмийн бүтцэд өндөр настай хүний тоо олон байдагтай холбоотой байх л даа. 14 хүртлэх насныхан Монголын нийгэмд 28 хувь, 15-64 насныхан 67,9 хувь эзэлж байгаа нь харьцангуй залуу нийгэм гэсэн үг. Гэрлэх нас ч сүүлийн хорин жилд ихэд хойшилж эмэгтэй нь 25.7, эрэгтэй нь 24,9 насандаа гэрлэх болсон нь залуусын амьдралын өмнө хүлээх хариуцлага нэмэгдсэнтэй холбоотой болов уу. Ой хүртэлх хүүхдийн үхэл гэж хөгжлийн зэрэглэл илэрхийлдэг нэг чухал тоо байдаг. Төрөлт өндөртэй байсан наяад оны үед энэ нь 128 хүрч байсан боловч ичсэндээ ч тэр юм уу, хоёр дахин багасган 64 гэж Дэлхийн эрүүл мэндийн байгууллагад илтгэдэг, үнэн тоог нэн нууцалдаг байлаа. Одоо бол үнэн баримтаараа мянган төрөлт тутамд 39,88 үхэл тохиолдож байгаа нь дэлхийд 68 дугаар байрыг эзлүүлжээ. ДОХ-ын тархалт 0,1 хувиас бага буюу энэ талаар хамгийн аюулгүй оронд тооцогддог юм байна. Харин сүрьеэгийн нэлээд том голомттой, элэгний хавдрын үхлийн хувь нийт үхэлд маш том хувь эзэлдэг, хүн амын маш өндөр хувь нь элэгний вирустай зэрэг муу үзүүлэлт бас байна.
2007 онд Дэлхийн банкнаас хийсэн судалгаагаар монголчуудын 34 хувь нь олон улсын жишгээр ядуу гэсэн ангилалд багтаж байжээ. 2010 онд буюу энэ жил Дэлхийн банк дахин судалгаа хийгээд сая дүнгээ танилцуулсан. Ядуурлын хэмжээ хорь хүрэхгүй хувь болон буурсныг тэд ихэд сайшааж хэвлэлийн бага хурал хийлгэв. Гуравхан жилийн дотор ядуурлаа хоёр дахин буулгаж чадсан орон өдрийн од шиг ховор тохиолддог гэнэ. Ядууст зориулсан хүнсний карт буй болгох гэсэн Засгийн газрын хүсэлтийн дагуу Азийн сангаас нэн ядуу гэсэн 1500 өрхөд судалгаа хийгээд маш хачирхалтай дүн гаргаж ирлээ. Нэн ядуу өрхийн хүнсний нөөцийг судалж үзэхэд 12 кг гурил, 5 кг мах, 2кг цагаан будааны жоортой гэсэн дундач гарчээ. Энэ бол хүнсний аюулгүй байдал нэн сайн байна гэсэн үзүүлэлт юм байна. Хүнсний аюулгүй байдал гэдэг нь хүнсний хүрэлцээг хэлдэг (security), хүнсний аюулт байдал буюу хөнөөлт байдал нь (safety) тусдаа асуудал юм байна. Ийм сайн үзүүлэлттэй байхад хүнсний карт хэргээр төдий л нэмэргүй гэж олон улсын байгууллага зөвлөжээ.
Эрэгтэйчүүд нь дундачаар 12 жил, эмэгтэйчүүд нь 14 жил суралцдаг ба бичиг үсэг тайлагдсан зэрэглэл 97,8 хувьтай байгаа нь дэлхийд тун сайн үзүүлэлт гэнэ. ДНБ-ийхээ 5 хувийг боловсролд зарцуулж байгаагаараа дэлхийд 72-т ордог юм байна. 10 мянган хүнд ноогдох эмч, багш, оюутан, докторын тоогоор дэлхийд бараг л толгой цохиж байна даа. 10 мянган хүнд ноогдох оюутны тоогоор АНУ 575 гэсэн тоогоор Монголын ард 2-р байранд байна. Гэхдээ тэндэхийн 20 хувь нь гадаадын оюутан гэж байна шүү. Хүн амын 94,9 хувь нь монголчууд буюу нэгдмэл үндэстэн ба энэ тоогоор дэлхийд эхний аравт багтдаг гэнэ. Энэ нь үндэстэн хоорондын асуудал бараг байхгүй, энэ чанараараа эв нэгдэл хадгалагддаг гэсэн үзүүлэлт юм гэнээ. Хүйтэн дайны үед буюу дэлхий нэмж хуваагдаагүй байхад Монгол нь газар нутгаараа 18-д, хүн амаараа 118-д ордог байлаа. Одоо урдуураа Казахстаныг оруулаад газар нутгаар 19-р байранд, харин хүн амаар 134-т оржээ. Хүн амдаа хувааж үзсэн тоогоор бол байгалийн маш их баялагтай ба одоо нээгдсэн буюу баттай тааварлаж буй ашигт малтмалын үнэлгээг нэг ихнаяд америк доллар гэж тооцоолж байгаа юм байна. Иймээс Азийн дараагийн гайхамшиг, эдийн засгийн үсрэлт чухам Монголоос гарна гэх таамаг их элбэг болжээ.
Нэгтгэн дүгнэх юм бол энэхүү олон улсын нэр хүндтэй байгууллагаас гаргасан статистикаар монголчууд дэлхийн дундаж үзүүүлэлттэй орон юм байна. Үүний зэрэгцээ эрүүл мэнд, боловсролын сайн суурьтай, тогтсон сүлжээтэй, өндөр боловсролтой энэ орон ашигт малтмалдаа түшиглэн тун ойрын хугацаанд дэлхийн тэргүүний хөгжилтэй баян улс болох найдлагатайг мэргэжилтэн судлаачид нэгэн дуугаар батлаж байгаа юм байна.
Манай эдийн засгийн салбарыг ерөнхийд нь хуваабал нийт орлогын 20 хувийг Хөдөө аж ахуй, 30 хувийг Аж үйлдвэр, 50 хувийг Үйлчилгээний салбар бүрдүүлж байгаа аж. Хотод оршин сууж буй хүнийг 52 хувь гэж гаргасан байна, гэхдээ энд Улаанбаатар, Дархан, Эрдэнэтийг тоолоод аймгийн төв зэргийг “хөдөө” гэсэн ангилалд оруулсан бололтой. 170 мянган хүн нүүдлийн мал аж ахуй эрхлэнэ. Ажиллах хүчний тоо нэг сая 68 мянга гэж тоологдсон ба ажилгүйдэл 2,8 хувь байгаа нь дэлхийд 22 дугаар байрыг эзлүүлжээ. Энэ тоо АНУ-д 9,3 хувь хүрсэн гээд бод доо. Тэд 109-р байр эзэлжээ. Монгол улсын эдийн засгийн өсөлт 1990-2004 онд дундажаар жилд 3 хувь орчим байснаа 2004 оноос огцом өсч сүүлийн дөрвөн жилд 9 хувиас буухгүй дээшилж байна. Энэ бол дэлхийн хамгийн сайн үзүүлэлт, огцом өсөлттэй цөөхөн орнууд л ийм дүн үзүүлж байгаа. Сүүлийн 10 орчим жилд Японы эдийн засгийн өсөлт 0 бүхэлтэй л яваа. Цагтаа далаад оны үед тэд 8 хувийн өсөлт үзүүлдэг байлаа.
Хүнд ноогдох ДНБ-ийг олон жилийн турш шууд америк доллароор илэрхийлж ирсэн ба энэ нь дэндүү оночгүй гэх шүүмжлэл сүүлийн үед их гарч байна. Нэг америк доллар буюу түүнтэй харгалзах үндэсний валютийн худалдан авах чадвар газар бүр янз бүр байдаг. Монголд 2 доллар буюу түүнтэй тэнцэх 2800 төгрөгөөр юутай ч гэсэн дунд зэргийн гуанзанд бараг хориод бууз аваад идчихэнэ. Америкт үүгээр мухлагаас ганц муу асаагуур л авна, ширхэг боорцог ч авахгүй биз. Эсвэл яг адил чанар брэндтэй шилтэй коко кола Америкт 2,5 доллар, Улаанбаатарт 20 цэнт буюу даруй 15 дахин хямд. Иймээс тооцоог Purchasing Power Parity (PPP) буюу тэгшитгэсэн худалдан авах чадвар гэсэн үзүүлэлтээр харьцуулах болжээ. Ийм РРР гэсэн үзүүлэлтээр манай ДНБ хэмжээ хэдийнээ 10 тэрбум доллар давсан ба нэг хүнд оногдох хэмжээ нь 4 мянга гарсан байна. Энэ тоо баян орнуудтай харьцуулахад ичмээр дамшиг л даа, гэхдээ олон ядуу орны хувьд мөддөө санашгүй үзүүлэлт юм. Монголын эдийн засгийн нийт хэмжээ сүүлийн 20 жилд даруй 10 дахин нэмэгджээ.
Үүнийг иргэний орлогын энгийн жишээгээр харж болно. 1990 онд хамгийн бага цалин гэгдэх цэвэрлэгч, манаачийнх 180 төгрөг байлаа. Нэгдлийн гишүүн гэх малчидын зарим нь ердөө 30-50 төгрөгийн цалинтай, дээр нь зөндөө өртэй байсныг энд тооцохоо больё. Одоо хөдөлмөрийн хөлсний доод үнэлгээг сард 108 мянган төгрөгөөр тогтоосон. Дээрх мөнгөөр тухайн үеийн ханшаар хэдэн кг мах, гурил, будаа болон хэдий тооны цай, архи, тамхи авч болохыг өөрснөө бодоцгоо. Харин 108 мянган төгрөгөөр авч болох гол хүнсний бараагаа хамгийн хямдаар нь тооцоорой. Учир нь социализмын талх, будаа, хүнс, бараа, үйлчилгээ одоо манайд бараг тааралдахаа больсон хамгийн доод төвшинд байсан юм шүү. Хэдэн цагаар үхтлээ оочирлодог, огт олддоггүй байсан зэргийг тооцоолж яршиг зүгэээр, илүү хөдөлмөр зараад яахав.
Өгүүллийн эхэнд дурдсан “сэтгэл ханамжийн баталгаа” буюу аз жаргалын индэкс л харин сүүлийн хорин жилд маш ихээр унаж дорд орсон ба улс төрчид болон сэтгүүлчдийн ярьж байгааг хараад байхад цаашид улам хүчтэй унах бололтой юм. Нэгэнтээ Дэ Голл Францын ерөнхийлөгч болсныхоо дараа “500 төрлийн бяслаг хийдэг ард түмнийг удирдахад ямар хэцүү юм бэ!” гэж дуун алдаж байв. Бяслаг нь ийм олон юм чинь үзэл бодол зан авир, “сэтгэл ханамжийн илтгэцүүр” –ийн тоо замбараагаа алдаж таараа. Тархи угаах гэсэн ойлголт байдаг. Энэ нь мэдээлэл авах бүх сувгийг хаагаад ганц албан шугамаар нэг төрлийн мэдээлэл цацсаар байгаад иргэдийг худлаа юманд хүчээр үнэмшүүлэхийг хэлдэг. Ойлголт, үзэл бодлыг хүч хэрэглэн төлөвшүүлнэ гэсэн үг. Жоорж Орвэлийн бодож гаргасан нэршил. 1990 оноос өмнө Монголд нэг үзэл суртал ноёлож тэр шугамаараа нийт иргэдийн тархийг угаадаг байсан учир өөр үзэл бодол төдийгүй өөр үнэлэмж оршин тогтнох эрхгүй учраас аз жаргалын индэкс мөн л нэг маягаар сайн гэсэн үзүүлэлттэй гардаг байсан байх. Одоо бол Улаанбаатарт л гэхэд 40 гаруй телевизийн суваг монгол хэлээр нэвтрүүлэг цацаж, өдөр тутмын 20 сонин, 25 радио өдөр шөнөгүй ажиллаж өөр өөрийн олон янз бодлоо зэрэг цацаж байна. Та хүсвэл 120 суваг ч гэртээ үзэж болно. Олон үзэл бодол зэрэгцэн оршсоор байтал тархиа угаалгаж байвал хохь нь л гэх байх.
Аз жаргалын индэкс буурч байгаагийн нөгөө нэг шалтгаан нь баян ядуугийн ялгаа ихэссэнтэй холбоотой. 1990 оноос өмнө Монголын нийгэмд баян хүн гэж байгаагүй байхаа. Хамгийн баян этгээд банкинд 30 мянган доллартай байсан, тэр нь тэгээд хоёр гуравхан иргэн шүү. Ерөнхийдээ тэв тэгш л ядуу байж дээ. Одоо Монголын иргэдийн дотоодын банкинд хадгалуулсан нийт мөнгөний хэмжээ 4 тэрбум доллар хүрч байна. Сая долларын хөрөнгөтэй хүн нийгэмд цөөнгүй буй болоод ирэхээр хамаг малаа бараад олон хүүхдээ чирэн хот бараадаж хүүрийн газартай зэрэгцэн хөршилж хоногийн хоол хайн амьдралаа зохиож чадахгүй яваа олон мянган шилжин ирэгсэдийн хувьд энэхүү нүдэнд ил харагдах зөрүү мөнөөх “сэтгэл ханамжийн баталгааг” навс доош нь дарж таарна.
Овоо босгоогүй бол шаазгайд суух газар олдохгүй байсан. Түмний нүдэн дээр ямар ч ажил төрөл хийгээгүй мөртөө лус мэт баяжиж буй төрийн ажилтан, дарга дорго нарын хээл хахууль авилга нийгмийг асар их бухимдуулж байгаа. Тэр ингэж болоод байхад би яагаад адилхан зүгээр сууж байгаа мөртөө турж үхэхтэй шахаж байна гэсэн энгийн асуулт хэний ч толгойд юун түрүүн орж ирнэ. Чухам энэ сүрэг нийгэмд буй болох хөрөнгийн ихэнхийг зүй бусаар хулгайлан авч байгаа нь, эсвэл бүр улаан цагаангүй дээрэмдэн авч байгаа нь нийгмийн аз жаргалын индэксийг бууруулж буй нэг том шалтгаан. Ерөөсөө ч нүүдэлчний нэг төрөлх авир бол өөрийн ядуу явахыг гэхээсээ өрөөлийн баян тарган явааг тэвчдэггүй. Үүнд социологи, нийгмийн сэтгэл зүйн судалгаа хийх юмсан.
Амьдрал богинохон. Хүн аз жаргалтай явж насыг барах ёстой. Байхгүйдээ гансрах биш, байгаадаа жаргах хэрэгтэй. Богино амьдралыг гансрал гашуудал, хор шар, хорсол атаархалын зовлонгоор дүүргэн дуусгах нь юутай гунигтай. Одоогоос 2500 жилийн өмнө амьдарч байсан Гаутама Сиддихарда гэгч ухаантан ингэж сургажээ. Түүнийг хүн төрлөхтөн Будда гэдэг нэрээр нь андахгүй. Мөн тэр үед амьдарч байсан нэгэн мэргэн өгүүлэхдээ “Байгаа бүх юмнаасаа аль болох их таашаал авч амьдралаа аз жаргалтай өнгөрөө. Тэнгэрт тэргэл сар гарсанд ч баярлан шөнөөр сар харан, голын чимээ сонсож сэтгэлээ баясга. Амьд явахын утга учир энэ” гэжээ. Түүний нэрийг европчууд Конфициүс гэх юм билээ, манайхан Күнз гэдэг. 2500 жилийн өмнө нийт хүмүүний амьдралын төвшин мөн ч дорой байсан байх даа. Лав л өнөөгийн хамгийн ядуу төвшинтэй ч харьцуулашгүй. Гэвч хүмүүс нь сэтгэлээрээ жаргалтай байж дээ.
2010.7.6
Baabar.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
David Freedman, 'Wrong' Author, on Why to Not Trust Experts
To read the factoids David Freedman rattles off in his book Wrong is terrifying. He begins by writing that about two-thirds of the findings published in the top medical journals are refuted within a few years. It gets worse. As much as 90% of physicians' medical knowledge has been found to be substantially or completely wrong. In fact, there is a 1 in 12 chance that a doctor's diagnosis will be so wrong that it causes the patient significant harm. And it's not just medicine. Economists have found that all studies published in economics journals are likely to be wrong. Professionally prepared tax returns are more likely to contain significant errors than self-prepared returns. Half of all newspaper articles contain at least one factual error. So why, then, do we blindly follow experts? Freedman has an idea, which he elaborates on in his book Wrong: Why Experts Keep Failing Us - and How to Know When Not to Trust Them. Freedman talked to TIME about why we believe experts, how to find good advice and why we should trust him - even though he's kind of an expert. (See the top 10 everything of 2009.)
You say that many experts are wrong, yet you quote many experts in your book. Are these experts wrong too?
They very well may be, but these are people who study expertise. They know how other experts go wrong because this is what they study, so maybe they're better at avoiding some of these problems. Maybe they're a little more careful with their data and they work a little harder to not mislead people. That's just a suggestion. I mean, who knows? But that's the best I can do to defend myself here.
In Wrong you write about the "Wizard of Oz" effect. Basically, from a young age we're taught to think that someone else always knows best. First our parents, then our teachers, and so on.
The fact of the matter is, unless you're the smartest person in the world, there is someone out there who knows more than you do. So it's not that we want to discard expertise - that would be reckless and dangerous. The key becomes, how do we learn to distinguish between expertise that's more likely to be right and expertise that's less likely to be right?
And how do we go about that?
It would be nice if we could look at the experts' track record and look at all their pronouncements to see what percentage were right. But we can't do that, so you have to play a sort of statistics game here and ask the question, "What does better advice have in common?" so we can look for those features. Or, conversely, "What does bad advice have in common?" so we can avoid it.
What have you learned about bad advice?
Bad advice tends to be simplistic. It tends to be definite, universal and certain. But, of course, that's the advice we love to hear. The best advice tends to be less certain - those researchers who say, 'I think maybe this is true in certain situations for some people.' We should avoid the kind of advice that tends to resonate the most - it's exciting, it's a breakthrough, it's going to solve your problems - and instead look at the advice that embraces complexity and uncertainty.
But it's not really natural to take less-certain studies and advice seriously, is it?
You're exactly right, and that's part of the problem. It goes against our intuition, but we have to learn to force ourselves to accept, understand and even embrace that we live in a complex, very messy, very uncertain world. Therefore, the experts who are more likely to steer us in the right direction are the ones who acknowledge that. It probably would be helpful if all study reports came with a little warning label like cigarette packs that simply spelled out generically that, by the way, experts are usually wrong. (Comment on this story.)
You say brain scans show that when presented with expert advice, we actually lose our ability to make our own decisions.
Yes. Now, let me point out, I always feel a little funny when I quote the results of a brain-scan study or even quote the findings of any study because, of course, my book is all about pointing out the problems with studies. But for what it's worth, people have actually looked at this question of what happens to brain activity when people are given expert advice, and sure enough, you see that the brain activity dies out in a way that suggests the person is thinking for themselves less. The brain actually shuts down a bit in the face of expert advice. When we hear an expert, we surrender our own judgment.
So we essentially just blindly follow experts?
That's exactly what it is. And there are certain experts who, not only is their advice very resonant, but they themselves are very resonant. Some experts project tremendous confidence. They have marvelous credentials. They can be very charismatic - sometimes their voice just projects it. Some experts get very, very good at this stuff. And what do you know? It really sort of lulls us into accepting what they say. It can take a while to actually think about it and realize their advice makes no sense at all.
You found some cases of experts who willingly discarded data that didn't fit with the conclusion they were after?
That is a huge understatement - it is almost routine. Now, let me point out that it's not always nefarious. Scientists and experts have to do a certain amount of data sorting. Some data turns out to be garbage, some just isn't useful, or it just doesn't help you answer the question, so scientists always have to edit their data, and that's O.K. The problem is, how can we make sure that when they're editing the data, they're not simply manipulating the data in the way that helps them end up with the data they want? Unfortunately, there really aren't any safeguards in place against that. Scientists and other experts are human beings, they want to advance their careers, they have families to support, and what do you know, they tend to get the answers they chase.
So you're saying, if I set out to prove that wine is good for you, I can find the data to back up that claim?
You can. We see that all the time. In fact, we're seeing it constantly. There are studies that come out that say obesity is actually good for you and those that say exercise doesn't do you any good. If there's a certain answer that you want, for example, an exciting research finding that's going to get published in a research journal, then you will probably find some way to achieve it.
You say that some advice is good and even critically important. So how do we go about picking out the good from the bad? It seems like finding a needle in a haystack.
It is a needle in a haystack. Part of the problem is, we're kind of lazy about it. We would like to believe that experts have the answer for us. And what we pay the most attention to are the most recent, most exciting findings. Newspapers, magazines, TV and the Internet oblige us by constantly reporting the stuff. We face this sea of advice all the time. So where is that needle in the haystack? I think the best thing to do is to discount as much as possible the more recent findings and pay more attention to the findings that have been floating around for some years. With a little bit of work, I think most of us can figure out how to answer some of these basic questions about whether advice seems to be pointing in the right direction or whether it seems to be falling apart.
What about studies that involve animal testing and take what they study on animals and apply it to humans? Is that really an effective way to determine what we should eat or what cancer treatments will work?
There are some things we just can't study on humans because it would be incredibly unethical. Of course, it's a much debated question of whether it's ethical to study on animals too, but putting that question aside, clearly it can really help science move forward to do animal research. However, the fact of the matter is, the majority of animal research does not translate well to human beings, and in spite of the fact that scientists love to point out that we share anywhere from 90% to 99% of our genes with different types of mammals, we know we're really different than mice and we're even really different than apes. Again and again and again we see that drugs and behavior and almost anything you want to look at in animals turns out to not apply well to human beings. So, yes, it advances basic science to ask these questions, but does it result in good advice for us? In general, the answer is no.
O.K., this question has to be asked. You're kind of an expert of experts, so should we not trust you either?
Yes, you should not trust me either. I mean, how could I possibly claim that I have some foothold on the truth that these other people I'm talking about don't have? I don't. Of course, I'm biased. I want a nice sexy story. How boring would it be for me to come out and be like, "You know, those experts, they're pretty good, they're right a lot of the time." We wouldn't even be having this conversation if I said that. There are all kinds of reasons why I might fudge the data myself or mislead people about this. But I'm not trying to give people answers here. What I am trying to do is provoke thinking, raise awareness and point out that there are real questions here that we all should be asking. We should all try to be smarter about how we pick our advice. How could I possibly be wrong about that?
By KAYLA WEBLEY.
You say that many experts are wrong, yet you quote many experts in your book. Are these experts wrong too?
They very well may be, but these are people who study expertise. They know how other experts go wrong because this is what they study, so maybe they're better at avoiding some of these problems. Maybe they're a little more careful with their data and they work a little harder to not mislead people. That's just a suggestion. I mean, who knows? But that's the best I can do to defend myself here.
In Wrong you write about the "Wizard of Oz" effect. Basically, from a young age we're taught to think that someone else always knows best. First our parents, then our teachers, and so on.
The fact of the matter is, unless you're the smartest person in the world, there is someone out there who knows more than you do. So it's not that we want to discard expertise - that would be reckless and dangerous. The key becomes, how do we learn to distinguish between expertise that's more likely to be right and expertise that's less likely to be right?
And how do we go about that?
It would be nice if we could look at the experts' track record and look at all their pronouncements to see what percentage were right. But we can't do that, so you have to play a sort of statistics game here and ask the question, "What does better advice have in common?" so we can look for those features. Or, conversely, "What does bad advice have in common?" so we can avoid it.
What have you learned about bad advice?
Bad advice tends to be simplistic. It tends to be definite, universal and certain. But, of course, that's the advice we love to hear. The best advice tends to be less certain - those researchers who say, 'I think maybe this is true in certain situations for some people.' We should avoid the kind of advice that tends to resonate the most - it's exciting, it's a breakthrough, it's going to solve your problems - and instead look at the advice that embraces complexity and uncertainty.
But it's not really natural to take less-certain studies and advice seriously, is it?
You're exactly right, and that's part of the problem. It goes against our intuition, but we have to learn to force ourselves to accept, understand and even embrace that we live in a complex, very messy, very uncertain world. Therefore, the experts who are more likely to steer us in the right direction are the ones who acknowledge that. It probably would be helpful if all study reports came with a little warning label like cigarette packs that simply spelled out generically that, by the way, experts are usually wrong. (Comment on this story.)
You say brain scans show that when presented with expert advice, we actually lose our ability to make our own decisions.
Yes. Now, let me point out, I always feel a little funny when I quote the results of a brain-scan study or even quote the findings of any study because, of course, my book is all about pointing out the problems with studies. But for what it's worth, people have actually looked at this question of what happens to brain activity when people are given expert advice, and sure enough, you see that the brain activity dies out in a way that suggests the person is thinking for themselves less. The brain actually shuts down a bit in the face of expert advice. When we hear an expert, we surrender our own judgment.
So we essentially just blindly follow experts?
That's exactly what it is. And there are certain experts who, not only is their advice very resonant, but they themselves are very resonant. Some experts project tremendous confidence. They have marvelous credentials. They can be very charismatic - sometimes their voice just projects it. Some experts get very, very good at this stuff. And what do you know? It really sort of lulls us into accepting what they say. It can take a while to actually think about it and realize their advice makes no sense at all.
You found some cases of experts who willingly discarded data that didn't fit with the conclusion they were after?
That is a huge understatement - it is almost routine. Now, let me point out that it's not always nefarious. Scientists and experts have to do a certain amount of data sorting. Some data turns out to be garbage, some just isn't useful, or it just doesn't help you answer the question, so scientists always have to edit their data, and that's O.K. The problem is, how can we make sure that when they're editing the data, they're not simply manipulating the data in the way that helps them end up with the data they want? Unfortunately, there really aren't any safeguards in place against that. Scientists and other experts are human beings, they want to advance their careers, they have families to support, and what do you know, they tend to get the answers they chase.
So you're saying, if I set out to prove that wine is good for you, I can find the data to back up that claim?
You can. We see that all the time. In fact, we're seeing it constantly. There are studies that come out that say obesity is actually good for you and those that say exercise doesn't do you any good. If there's a certain answer that you want, for example, an exciting research finding that's going to get published in a research journal, then you will probably find some way to achieve it.
You say that some advice is good and even critically important. So how do we go about picking out the good from the bad? It seems like finding a needle in a haystack.
It is a needle in a haystack. Part of the problem is, we're kind of lazy about it. We would like to believe that experts have the answer for us. And what we pay the most attention to are the most recent, most exciting findings. Newspapers, magazines, TV and the Internet oblige us by constantly reporting the stuff. We face this sea of advice all the time. So where is that needle in the haystack? I think the best thing to do is to discount as much as possible the more recent findings and pay more attention to the findings that have been floating around for some years. With a little bit of work, I think most of us can figure out how to answer some of these basic questions about whether advice seems to be pointing in the right direction or whether it seems to be falling apart.
What about studies that involve animal testing and take what they study on animals and apply it to humans? Is that really an effective way to determine what we should eat or what cancer treatments will work?
There are some things we just can't study on humans because it would be incredibly unethical. Of course, it's a much debated question of whether it's ethical to study on animals too, but putting that question aside, clearly it can really help science move forward to do animal research. However, the fact of the matter is, the majority of animal research does not translate well to human beings, and in spite of the fact that scientists love to point out that we share anywhere from 90% to 99% of our genes with different types of mammals, we know we're really different than mice and we're even really different than apes. Again and again and again we see that drugs and behavior and almost anything you want to look at in animals turns out to not apply well to human beings. So, yes, it advances basic science to ask these questions, but does it result in good advice for us? In general, the answer is no.
O.K., this question has to be asked. You're kind of an expert of experts, so should we not trust you either?
Yes, you should not trust me either. I mean, how could I possibly claim that I have some foothold on the truth that these other people I'm talking about don't have? I don't. Of course, I'm biased. I want a nice sexy story. How boring would it be for me to come out and be like, "You know, those experts, they're pretty good, they're right a lot of the time." We wouldn't even be having this conversation if I said that. There are all kinds of reasons why I might fudge the data myself or mislead people about this. But I'm not trying to give people answers here. What I am trying to do is provoke thinking, raise awareness and point out that there are real questions here that we all should be asking. We should all try to be smarter about how we pick our advice. How could I possibly be wrong about that?
By KAYLA WEBLEY.
A Possible Russian Spy Profile Quote:
If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Хүний тархинд нэн ээлтэй хоол хүнсүүд
1. Амуу тариа
Амуу тариа тархинд очих цусны хэмжээг ихэсгэдэг. Ингэснээр тархи бүрэн чадлаар ажиллах боломжтой болдог. Тариа нь B6, В1 витамин агуулдаг бөгөөд В1 ийг ой санамжаа сайжруулах зорилгоор хүмүүс уудаг билээ.
2. Өндөг
Хүн хөгширөөд ирэхээр тархи хатингаршиж эхэлдэг. Гэсэн ч байнгын өндөг идсэнээр бид өөрсдийгөө сэргийлж чадах юм гэнэ. Өндөг В12, био лецитин агуулдаг тул тархи хатингаршихаас хамгаалдаг юм байна. Түүний хажуугаар бас ой санамжинд сайнаар нөлөөлнө. Гэхдээ хэт ихээр идэх нь бас сөрөг нөлөөг үзүүлж болно. Өдөрт 1-2 ийг идэхэд хангалттай.
3. Хясаа
Далайн хоол хүнсэнд чухал хэрэгтэй зүйлс агуулагддаг гэдэг. Тэгвэл хясааны хувьд хүний тархинд үнэхээр чухал нөлөөтэй гэнэ. Цинк, төмрийн агууламж нь оюун ухаан сэргэг, хурц байхад туслах хийгээд мэдээллийг тунгаах, шүүх чадвар нэмэгддэг аж. Харин цинк, төмрийн дутагдалд орвол ой санамж муудаж, төвлөрөх чадваргүй болдог.
4. Цай, тэр дундаа ногоон цай
Та өглөө босоод кофе уудаг уу? Тэгвэл оронд нь нэг аяга цай ууж бай. Заримдаа таны залхуу хүрч, ядраад ч байгаа юм шиг, юм бодохоос хүртэл дургүй хүрэх үе байдаг уу? Тэгвэл танд цайнд агуулагддаг катецин гэгч бодис дутагдсан хэрэг.
5. Жимс
Аньс хүний сурах, цээжлэх чадварыг дээшлүүлдэг. Ер нь нэрс, аньс зэрэг жимснүүд тархины эрүүл мэндэд сайн гэнэ. Харин эдгээр жимснээс нэгийг өдөрт идсэнээр тархи хөгширөхөөс сэргийлж чадна.
6. Карри
Карриг Энэтхэгчүүд хоолондоо ихээр хэрэглэдэг шүү дээ. Карри нь тархи сэргэг байлгахад тусалдаг бөгөөд антиоксидантаар баялаг тул хөгширөх, бүтцийн ажиллагааны доголдолоос хамгаална. Карри нь зөвхөн хүний тархинд сайнаар нөлөөлөх бус зүрхний өвчин, диабетаас хамгаална.
7. Ногоон навчит ногоонууд
Байцаа, навчин байцаа, бууцай зэрэг нь хүний тархинд онцгой сайн. Эдгээр ногоо нь таны өнгөрсөн ой санамжийг сэргээхэд тусалдаг. В6, В12 агуулдаг тул мартамхай болохоос сэргийлнэ. Түүнчлэн төмрийн өндөр агууламжтай.
8. Самар, үр
Хүний тархинд хэрэгтэй амттан, амны зугаа гаргах зүйл бий юу? Байна. Энэ бол самар, үр. Эдгээр нь Omega-3, omega-6, витамин Е, витамин В6 р баялаг. Харин бүгд таныг эрүүл саруулаар сэтгэхэд тусална. Тэд таныг эерэг бодол санааг өвөртлөхөд тань тусалж бас чадах юм. Omega-3, omega-6 нь сэтгэл гутралын эсрэг үйчилгээтэй байдаг.
9. Загас
Загас нь Omega-3 н өндөр агууламжтай байдаг. Долоо хоногт 1 загас идэх нь таныг ой санамж муудах өвчинөөс хамгаалах болно. Түүнчлэн тархинд хүчил төрөгч ихээр очих нөхцлийг бүрдүүлдэг тул шинэ мэдээлэл авах, сурахад амар дөхөм болно.
Загас дундаа туна загас тархинд илүү ашиг тустай.
10. Шоколад
Шоколанданд агуулагдах антиоксидантын хэмжээ нь ногоон цайны агууламжаас илүү байдаг аж. Түүнээс гадна тархинд очих цусны хангамжийг нэмэгдүүлдэг.
Амуу тариа тархинд очих цусны хэмжээг ихэсгэдэг. Ингэснээр тархи бүрэн чадлаар ажиллах боломжтой болдог. Тариа нь B6, В1 витамин агуулдаг бөгөөд В1 ийг ой санамжаа сайжруулах зорилгоор хүмүүс уудаг билээ.
2. Өндөг
Хүн хөгширөөд ирэхээр тархи хатингаршиж эхэлдэг. Гэсэн ч байнгын өндөг идсэнээр бид өөрсдийгөө сэргийлж чадах юм гэнэ. Өндөг В12, био лецитин агуулдаг тул тархи хатингаршихаас хамгаалдаг юм байна. Түүний хажуугаар бас ой санамжинд сайнаар нөлөөлнө. Гэхдээ хэт ихээр идэх нь бас сөрөг нөлөөг үзүүлж болно. Өдөрт 1-2 ийг идэхэд хангалттай.
3. Хясаа
Далайн хоол хүнсэнд чухал хэрэгтэй зүйлс агуулагддаг гэдэг. Тэгвэл хясааны хувьд хүний тархинд үнэхээр чухал нөлөөтэй гэнэ. Цинк, төмрийн агууламж нь оюун ухаан сэргэг, хурц байхад туслах хийгээд мэдээллийг тунгаах, шүүх чадвар нэмэгддэг аж. Харин цинк, төмрийн дутагдалд орвол ой санамж муудаж, төвлөрөх чадваргүй болдог.
4. Цай, тэр дундаа ногоон цай
Та өглөө босоод кофе уудаг уу? Тэгвэл оронд нь нэг аяга цай ууж бай. Заримдаа таны залхуу хүрч, ядраад ч байгаа юм шиг, юм бодохоос хүртэл дургүй хүрэх үе байдаг уу? Тэгвэл танд цайнд агуулагддаг катецин гэгч бодис дутагдсан хэрэг.
5. Жимс
Аньс хүний сурах, цээжлэх чадварыг дээшлүүлдэг. Ер нь нэрс, аньс зэрэг жимснүүд тархины эрүүл мэндэд сайн гэнэ. Харин эдгээр жимснээс нэгийг өдөрт идсэнээр тархи хөгширөхөөс сэргийлж чадна.
6. Карри
Карриг Энэтхэгчүүд хоолондоо ихээр хэрэглэдэг шүү дээ. Карри нь тархи сэргэг байлгахад тусалдаг бөгөөд антиоксидантаар баялаг тул хөгширөх, бүтцийн ажиллагааны доголдолоос хамгаална. Карри нь зөвхөн хүний тархинд сайнаар нөлөөлөх бус зүрхний өвчин, диабетаас хамгаална.
7. Ногоон навчит ногоонууд
Байцаа, навчин байцаа, бууцай зэрэг нь хүний тархинд онцгой сайн. Эдгээр ногоо нь таны өнгөрсөн ой санамжийг сэргээхэд тусалдаг. В6, В12 агуулдаг тул мартамхай болохоос сэргийлнэ. Түүнчлэн төмрийн өндөр агууламжтай.
8. Самар, үр
Хүний тархинд хэрэгтэй амттан, амны зугаа гаргах зүйл бий юу? Байна. Энэ бол самар, үр. Эдгээр нь Omega-3, omega-6, витамин Е, витамин В6 р баялаг. Харин бүгд таныг эрүүл саруулаар сэтгэхэд тусална. Тэд таныг эерэг бодол санааг өвөртлөхөд тань тусалж бас чадах юм. Omega-3, omega-6 нь сэтгэл гутралын эсрэг үйчилгээтэй байдаг.
9. Загас
Загас нь Omega-3 н өндөр агууламжтай байдаг. Долоо хоногт 1 загас идэх нь таныг ой санамж муудах өвчинөөс хамгаалах болно. Түүнчлэн тархинд хүчил төрөгч ихээр очих нөхцлийг бүрдүүлдэг тул шинэ мэдээлэл авах, сурахад амар дөхөм болно.
Загас дундаа туна загас тархинд илүү ашиг тустай.
10. Шоколад
Шоколанданд агуулагдах антиоксидантын хэмжээ нь ногоон цайны агууламжаас илүү байдаг аж. Түүнээс гадна тархинд очих цусны хангамжийг нэмэгдүүлдэг.
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